Knocked Askew

The Recurring Nightmare

2012-02-24T19:56:00.000-08:00

For a while, I've been having a nightmare that is always based around the same subject: I'm pregnant with a baby that isn't entirely human.
I'm famous for having very bizarre and vivid dreams, and this dream that continues to haunt me some nights, is one of the strangest. Depending, of course, on how you determine strangeness.
The dreams in this area are always very closely related. Here is how this dream always works:

I wake up and find that my left side is sort of swollen towards my hip.
I ignore it, and continue doing whatever it was I was doing before.
It starts to swell larger and when I look at it for the second time, I can see the faint outline of a sort of embryo. (That part always freaks me out because of course it's a dream and I always think it's really happening.)
I watch it, and as I do, both the swelling and the embryo grow larger by the second.
I can, at that point, see the outline of a baby's body pressed up against the inside of my skin.
I don't know what to do, so I start to panic.
The baby-thing somehow moves from the inside of my side, to the outside. It is still in sort of a film and it clings onto my side.
This part changes. In some of these dreams, something kills the baby-creature-thing. In one of the dreams, it's my friend Kimberlee that tears the umbilical cord accidentally and kills it. Sometimes I fall and the baby-thing dies. Other times it lives past this.
In this dream, the baby-creature lives.
It sort of breaks free from the film thing that is around it, and I catch it before it falls.
In this dream, it had a head full of black hair, and was about the size of a toddler. A very sickly toddler with pale, greenish skin and bony limbs.
I brought the baby-thing into my mom's room and ask her how this has happened. She always tells me that it's an unexplained medical mystery, and we can't keep the baby-thing.
So in this dream, I set the baby-thing on the floor to play with a toy, and notice that his toes are sort of curled and more like claws. His fingers are the same. When I glance over at him again, as my mother starts the car, I notice that he is now a small black dog. (Any of you who would like to try to figure out if this dream means anything, have at it.)
I load the dog into the car, and my mom drives out to a very large field bordered by neighborhoods.
She tells me to let him go, and I do. Some part of me is sad to see the baby-dog-thing go away though.
As it runs off, it changes into a cat, and the last thing that happened in the dream I had Last night:
I scream after it, "Jersey!!!"

Yep, my dreams make no sense folks. No sense at all.
Like I said before, feel free to interpret that however you will and leave what you think it could mean in the comments below :)

Peace, Love, and...WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING ME?!
Sara

The Possessed Trashcan

2012-02-22T17:32:00.000-08:00

I apologize for not having blogged in a very long time, you'll all just have to try and forgive me :)
Last night, as some of you may have already read on Facebook, I won the audience favorite at a songwriter's contest in Franklin. Needless to say, I'm ecstatic about it! Especially because after I performed, a lady gave me her card and asked me if I would be interested in playing at her coffee house. I believe the answer to that is a big fat YES! :) Later this week I'll call her and fill you in on how that goes :)

My schedule has been so filled lately, I'm so stressed out over everything that's going on right now, but it's not all that terrible. All I really have to worry about is meeting the deadlines for my English paper and finish reading Huck Finn (basically) by Friday.

I know I'm hopping around from topic to topic in no particular order, but I feel like I have to let all of you know what's been going on with me even though most likely, none of you care and would rather me get on to the actual post. Pretty much, what I would like to talk about in this tiny little paragraph, is how stupid guys can be. Yep, guys are stupid, and we all know this. Now that so many people I actually know in real life read my blog, I feel like it's necessary to shut out a lot of my personal life that would have normally been written out very lengthily for all of you to read. Honestly, I just don't want to have to answer any questions about who exactly I was referring to when I said blah bleh blah. So instead what I'll do, is just post what I was going to say today on Friday. it really makes no difference, but oh well.

Now on to the post.

Last night was incredibly fun, even though I did feel very nauseous for the first half. The great news is that I think I'm slowly getting over my stage fright. Turns out I really love singing and playing in front of people, it was just a matter of facing my fears :) The best part to me, is right after you start playing or singing or whatever, and everyone just stops talking. It's pretty awesome when they applaud of course, but that one second when no one's really saying much, that's my favorite part.

At the restaurant, there was a very possessed trashcan in the women's room. It had a motion-detector , but somehow it had gotten messed up. From the moment I opened the door, the lid of the trashcan just kept going up and coming down. It was on the second trip to the bathroom (my bladder has issues) that I named this comical trashcan Franklin. Hey, I had to keep the nerves away somehow...right?
Anyways, right after opening the door, Franklin was all like, "Hey! What's happenin', Soul Sister!" (but really the only sounds he made was *chick, whir, snap*). Yeah, me and Franklin really hit it off. Honestly, that trashcan probably has more sense than most people I know.
Oh well, sorry for this incredibly pointless, stupid, awful post. I'll get back to my regular posting eventually, next on my agenda is to write another post for MU. :D

Peace, love, and talkative waste-baskets,
Sara

Anger Towards Ignorance

2012-02-13T16:54:00.000-08:00

I'm very sorry that I haven't had time to blog in the past few days, there has been so much going on!
Before I get into the actual post, I'd like to share with all of you a few things that are happening in my life right now.

My first post as a Teen Columnist was published on Miss Unlimited last Friday! *Happy cheers*
You can click the link to check it out! You Don't Have to Have a Boyfriend
The title of my blog post is very ironic due to certain things that I will tell you about later :) Possibly...
Tomorrow night, I'm playing at a cafe as part of some sort of songwriter/singer competition thing. I'm pretty nervous, but I'm really excited!
Once again, I'll be single on Valentine's day. But fear not! I'm totally cool with it :) (even though, admittedly, a boyfriend would be nice to have sometimes).
This Friday is going to be really fun considering that--eh, just re read number 2. And ponder it, good readers! Nah, just kidding, don't get your hopes up.

Okay, now on to the actual post.
Most of you have heard about the two boys who were brutally murdered by their father not too long ago.
You may have also heard about their funeral being protested by the same people who protest soldier's funerals. Their reasoning? They thought that the reason the boys had been murdered had to do with Washington state legalizing same sex marriage. Now, there are all kinds of things I would love to say about these ludicrous, moronic protesters, but my message in this blog has always had to do with acceptance and peace.

It's these people right here that call themselves Christians. I'm sorry, but if being a Christian is all about hate, strife, and blame, you can count me out.
How can we, people as a whole, move towards being at peace with one another? It's quite easy actually.
All we have to do is accept one another. All we have to do is have compassion, a gift these imbeciles clearly don't posses.
As I was looking for a picture of one of these protesters to put on this post, I almost started crying.
How can mankind be so cruel to others? How can people hate whole groups of people that they know absolutely nothing about?
What do these protesters expect our country to do to protect ourselves if we don't have a strong military?
Stand by and watch as America is slowly destroyed? (By the way, these are the same ignorant people that went around saying President Obama was the anti-Christ. Yep, that's how ridiculous they are.)
Our soldiers fight and die so that we can have freedom of speech, and what do they use it for?
Spreading the message of hate. The protest the people who made it possible for them to protest in the first place. How's that for irony?
I feel so sorry for these people. I am so truly sorry that they have no emotions other than negativity.
They obviously have no lives, all they do is protest and sign petitions and sue people.
Honestly, I think they're too scared to accept the fact that the world has real problems. You can't exactly blame everything on people who are gay, lesbian, bi, etc.

Protester one: How're your crops doing this year Billy bob?
Protester two: Not too good, Joey...not too good.
Protester one: You know what? I betcha I know exactly what the problem is.
Protester two: What?
Protester one: It's them filthy gay's. There's so many of them these days..I'll tell you what, God's out to punish all of humanity for their evil ways.

There are a few things I love about my generation, and one of them is that people are becoming more and more open minded. If these people had a lick of sense, they would know how to research. You see, since the dawn of time there have been people who fell in love with people of the same gender.
Both the Greek and Roman Militia actually encouraged homosexuality among their troops. Why? Because a soldier was more likely to fight hard to see his lover again, than to fight for his country alone.
To me, the Christian God, (who is portrayed as a loving, kind, and caring God), would never hate people for loving who they love. People fall in love with other people.
It doesn't matter what skin color, it doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter what your background is, and it certainly doesn't matter what your gender is. People fall in love.
I hope to see a future where people can marry whomever they choose. I hope to see a future where marriage is seen not only as a bond shared by a man and a woman, but by two people so madly in love that they fight prejudice in order to stay together. I want a future where people can love freely.
I swear, if I was president, I would be assassinated. That's what happens to people who want to change things.
I have a friend, not sure how I'm friends with him when he thinks this way, who believes that being gay is a conscious decision. I have one thing to say to him: Is falling in love a choice? Do you wake up in the morning and think to yourself, I know who I'll fall in love with today? Or does it just happen?
And that's how I'll close this post.
I want to thank anyone who actually made it all the way through this very lengthy post, and I want to thank all of my wonderfully open minded readers.

Peace, Love, and Kindness,
S'Moores

Where the Cameras Weren't

2012-02-05T18:54:00.000-08:00

This is a picture (not of the day that I talk about in this post) of my brother and I playing in the front yard of my old house after a big rain had come.

One of the strongest memories I have of my childhood, was a single day in a thunderstorm.
My brother, grandfather, and I were standing in my grandfather's garage. The door was open, rain splashed off the driveway and into the carport. It smelled like bricks, grass, and summer. The three of us just stood there.
We stood, and watched as the rain fell down on the concrete.
I don't know how old I was, I know that I was pretty young. Probably about six or seven.
When it rained, the water would pool in the small dips in the yard. My brother and I always loved to splash in them, and that day, we decided we would swim in them.
Now of course, the water was not even close to deep enough to be able to swim. It was just a little over a puddle. But we sat down in it anyways, and we splashed and we played and we laughed.
My grandmother came out of the house and told us : "Be careful, now! If a snappin' turtle bites you, he won't let go 'til thunder rolls." People say that where I live, I'm sure they must say it other places as well.
Wet grass clung to my hair, I had mud all over me, but that was one of the best days. I have so many other days to tell about, but I'll save those for another day.
If I could go back in time and take pictures of days in my life where I felt truly alive, I would go back to this day first. I would take a picture of me and my grandfather and my brother, standing in the opening of that garage watching the rain. I would take a picture of me and my brother, covered from head to toes in mud and wet grass, laughing like maniacs.

Peace, love, and memories of happiness,
Sara

Time for Tag

2012-02-05T18:15:00.000-08:00

Stephanie, the author of a blog called Pandora, tagged me with this award :)

First of all, thanks Stephanie for saying what you said!

Sara, because she has a Sweet voice and rocked it at her school's talent show!

After being tagged, the rules are these:

Post seven random facts about yourself
Tag ten other bloggers.

Random Facts

I am an English and Literature nerd.
I love underwater photography.
I write in any spare time that I have in Biology (when I should be paying attention).
Sometimes I have to urge to punch every idiot I see in the face. Pow, right in tha kissah.
I've never been in love, but I'm not desperate for a boyfriend. Teenage guys are pathetic, I suspect that the first actual boyfriend I'll have won't be until college.
I listen to bands that no one's ever heard of around here.
I really hate country music. With a passion.

Today=Surprising

2012-01-27T20:34:00.000-08:00

Today was the high school talent show. I didn't plan on signing up to begin with, but my friends talked me into it. So I finally gave in.
There were so many great acts today! When I heard that it would be judged, I decided not to care. I figured, Meh, people in the audience will judge me anyways, who cares about the judges?! I'm not in this to win!
And it's the truth, I was in it just to conquer my fear of singing, standing, talking, etc. in front of a whole bunch of people. And I have to say, when it was over, I was proud of myself.
I'm so hard on myself most of the time, but seeing the way people reacted, I don't know how to describe it.
It made me so simply happy that there were this many people acknowledging that Quiet Sara is actually more than Quiet Sara. (If that makes any sense).
And when I was up there, I forgot. I forgot about the hundreds of students, teachers, and parents watching me. I forgot about the lights that were blinding me. I forgot about everything. It was just me in my room, singing my brother to sleep. I wrote that song originally when my brother asked me to make up a song that was happy and sad at the same time. So I tried my best, and came up with this :)

When I was done with my song, so many people stood up and gave me a standing ovation. I thought I was going to just start crying right then and there. I've always loved singing, and when I got up there today I was listing things in my head that I had to redeem myself for:

Choking on my own spit while singing the National Anthem in front of all the veterans.
In sixth grade when one of my "friends" said, "You aren't all that good at singing."
Being so nervous while singing Blowing in the Wind for the guitar show, that I had to physically hold my own arm to keep it from shaking.
Those awful youtube videos I posted (they are now deleted) from when I first started wanting feedback. I'll remake them at a later time.
"Why would you post videos of your singing online?" Thanks for that, by the way. It gave me the anger I needed to get up there and sing.

When I left school early, my phone started blowing up. "You did so good! I had no idea you could sing like that!" And then, my phone dinged again. When I opened the message? I found out that I had won.
I won something.
I couldn't even sit still for about thirty minutes.
At the game tonight, people kept coming up to me and congratulating me. It was surreal.
I'm quiet. I tend to like staying unnoticed. But today everyone seemed to see me. It was quite frightening, to say the least. But a good kind of scary :)
Don't ever let anyone hold you back, do what you want and don't be too hard on yourself! Sometimes, you just have to accept the compliments. I learned this the hard way :)

Peace, Love, and Nervousness,
Sara

Speed Pee

2012-01-26T19:29:00.000-08:00

You all probably looked at the title and thought, wth? And for the majority of the post...you're still going to think that :)

There are a total of five minutes in between classes at my school, which means that if you have to pee? Forget about it. It ain't happenin'. So when I come back from lunch and hurry to get to Hell (aka Geometry), I throw my stuff down and make a dash for the convenient closet type bathroom in the actual room. It's one of those bathrooms where you feel like you have to be about 30 pounds just to fit inside it.
Is anyone else always late for class thanks to their bladder? Fear not, slightly grossed out readers! I give you the secret to speed peeing. (Guys, you don't even have to read this. You have it easier than us.)

Step one: Never, ever, wait in line. Just push right on through all of those freshman clogging up the mirrors and find yourself a stall!

Step two: Don't let someone beat you to the said stall. If they do, kindly explain to them that your bladder is about to explode if you don't go pee right this moment. Or you can say that you're going to be sick. That usually makes people flee.

Step three: Once in the stall, waste no time on hanging your purse on the little hook that sometimes isn't on the back of the door. Throw your purse on the ground! But obviously not if the ground is nasty. No one wants a purse with chewed, slobbery gum all over the bottom.

Step four: Once on the toilet, play this song in your head. It makes sure you don't take your sweet time :)

Step four: Flush the toilet with the bottom of your shoe (like a ninja) and grab your purse. It's time for the mad dash back to class :)

Peace, love, and stalls that don't lock,
Sara

Jerks, Idiots, and other Fun Topics

2012-01-24T18:33:00.000-08:00

Today in my reading class, I remembered why exactly I hate people so much. My friend Dylan says that he and I are cynics. I prefer the term "realist". Because I realize that have of my class as a whole won't graduate college, will probably be stuck in this tiny town forever, will have kids before they should, etc. It seems to be the pattern at least.

On to the actual post :)

Today in my Geometry class, a subject invented by the devil, I had to sit practically fuming over a conversation between my teacher and this girl that really gets on my last nerve.
The conversation went like this:

Teacher: What are you reading, Gertrude?
G: *Huff* *puff* Of Mice and Men, the worst book ever. It's the second week of school and I've already had to read two books. Can you believe that?

(In the two weeks that we've been in school, I've read about five books. Just saying.)

Teacher: Oh, God, I wanted to shoot myself when I read that book. It was so terrible.
G: I know! Reading is so useless. I don't even understand why we have to do it.

( Yeah, I don't understand why we have to read either! I mean, come on, education is so lame. Honestly I feel sorry for Idiot-Gertrude. She obviously isn't going anywhere in life. And she wants to be a teacher. Oh how I love reading teachers who think reading is pointless.)

Teacher: Exactly. I've always hated reading, when I was in college I almost failed my literature classes.

(Here we have the geometry teacher agreeing that reading is pointless, yet she teaches a subject used only by people in certain fields. Reading however, is used no matter what job you have. Idiots.)

G: Oh that's awful. I had to read Lord of the Flies and The Hunger Games over the summer. While I was in Europe.

(Oh you poor, poor child. You had to read books while in Europe? How positively heart broken you must be. You know, there are millions of kids that would love to know how to read. They would love to just get their hands on a single book, no matter if it was about stupid boys running around on an island. They would love to simply learn, and you throw all of this knowledge away. Those children, and any children that have a strong desire to know, well, each of them are worth a hundred of you.)

Teacher: That's awful! I hated Lord of the Flies. Little boys? Running around on an island? I mean, come on!

And this, dear readers, is our world. In the words of Ellen DeGeneres, it's full of the wrong type of people. Hahaha, oh you have to love her :)

Sorry for the negativity of this post, but that infuriated me. You have know idea how close I was to standing on my desk (like in Dead Poet's Society) and making a big speech about why reading and literature are important. Did I? No, because I'm in a school full of idiots, and I would have had to carefully choose my words to make sure that none of them were more than two syllables.

Peace, love, and learning as much as you can,
Sara

A Poem about a D-bag

2012-01-22T13:44:00.000-08:00

If I wasn't straight I'd date you,

But I'm not the slightest bit gay

He's hurt you and made you cry,

And for that he'll have to pay

Because no idiot boy messes with my friends,

They're like my sisters, you see

I know that if a boy ever broke my heart,

They'd do the very same for me

I'm not the greatest at poetry,

And I'm not the best at rhymes

But what I wanted to write was a post full of swear words,

That sounded like a great idea at the time

It won't be a quick death,

If it were he'd be getting out too easy

I hope so far this has made you laugh,

Because it's about to get really cheesy

We'll tampon his car (I'm pretty sure he's gay, you know),

And become ninja pranksters

We'll hijack his Facebook,

and act like total gangsters

Because no idiot boy hurts my friends,

Unless he has a death wish

Ah, don't worry about it,

I'll make sure he sleeps with the fish.

Don't worry,

You deserve so much better than him

For the last few weeks I've seen you hurting,

And my thoughts have been very grim

You know we always have a back-up plan,

That's how we roll, remember?

So whenever you're feeling down, think of this:

We can move off to the nudist colony in December.

We'll become strippers there,

Where everyone goes nude.

They'll pay us big to keep all our clothes on,

And we won't think it's the slightest bit rude.

I know how you must feel,

So tired, hurt, and confused.

But tomorrow when we go back to school,

It's his eye that I'll have bruised.

Sunshine, keep your head up,

Don't be covered by these clouds.

I know it's hard to stay so strong,

But trust me, when I fight him?

There'll be crowds.

They'll come from all over to see us fight,

And they'll pay forty bucks a ticket.

Because when I win, we'll all be living large,

And he'll be living off in some thicket.

I'll go ahead and wind up this poem,

It's much longer than I intended

But I know that soon you'll be smiling again,

When all of this heartache has ended.

You've always got us,

Me, P, and K, to be your personal ninja assassins

Because I more than dislike him now,

I hate him with a passion.

There is a boy out there,

Somewhere out in this great wide world

How happy he'll be that this boy was a jerk,

Because it means that there's a chance you'll be his girl.

I love you so much, Captain Sunshine. Please don't let him get you down.

You deserve someone who treats you like you're the whole world, not someone who treats you like an after thought. One day, when you're married to Taylor Lautner and have 3.1 kids, he'll see how huge of a mistake he made. But until then, I think I'll kick him right in the crotch every single time I see him.

Peace, love, and war paint,

Sara

P.s.- I hope this silly poem cheered you up a little bit. If I could drive, I would bring you a tub of ice cream and a few cheesy movies. Love you, girl!

*All of the negative aspects of this post were clearly exaggerations. Certain people just make me angry.*

Say, Sara is late...again

2012-01-16T16:15:00.000-08:00

I'm a procrastinator. A huge procrastinator. And the fact that I just recently got Skyrim....yeah..it might have something to do with it.
But, I promised I would answer all of your lovely questions, and so I will hold true to that :)

Question: Zebraunicornasiss writes:
Say Sara,
I’m trying to get my friend to break up with his girlfriend that’s cheating on him, (not because I like him- I don't) he’s trying to figure out what to do (stay with her or break up with her) And when I gave him the reasons why he should break up with her ( like I ask him if it's best for him and her), he translated it into why they should stay in a relationship. I know that the drama's going to get worse and he's going to end up heart broken. What should I do?

Answer: Thank you for asking such a great question! I love when I have to put myself in other's shoes and see things through their eyes. I'll try my best to help you :)
It sounds like your friend must really like the girl he's with if he's willing to put up with cheating.
The thing about cheating, is that it isn't fair to either of the two people involved. I feel terrible for your friend, knowing that someone is openly cheating on you can be very hard. Personally, if I were in your situation I would be furious. If some idiot had the nerve to cheat on one of my friends? I'd probably have to kill them. Not literally of course, but I really would be very angry. I think that if I were you, I would stop trying to persuade your friend to break up with the girl, and talk directly to the said cheater.
Just talk to her, and demand to know why she's cheating on your friend. Make her know how much your friend likes her, and that he knows she's cheating on him. Don't let her get the easy way out! If you want to be extra mean, I'd say something like, "My friend is better off without you any way," or, my personal favorite, "You don't deserve him." OR the realllly mean route (this is coming from me, and I'm not a mean person...so it's really not THAT mean considering she's hurting him) "He can do better than you." BOOM. And then she'll be sorry she ever messed with you. I wouldn't tell your friend that you're going to talk to her though. But after you say something to her, I'd tell him exactly how it happened. Otherwise, the girl could make you out to be some crazy person. It's up to you, but when it comes to my friends being cheated on, I get very angry.
No one deserves to feel like they aren't good enough.

~Sara

Letter number two: Memories of sun and rain

2012-01-13T16:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Ballpark Day,

That day the rain came out of no where. It poured out of the previously sunny sky like someone had turned a giant water tap as far as it would go. It beat down on the slanted roof of the concession stand. It showered across the baseball fields and everyone seemed to forget why we'd been there in the first place. Some people ran under the cover of the small over hangs, others ran the long distance back to their cars. All games were called off due to the surprise rain storm. The usual drab looking ball park had been transformed into a sort of watery wonderland in mere minutes.

Water built up in large puddles on the concrete. Children laughed wildly, we were among them. We were soaked through and through, but we ran, happy and care free through the puddles. Mom wanted to leave right then, but we stalled for time. Racing around the ballpark without a single care in the world.

Our hair was drenched. I didn't stop running even to wring mine out. The dust from the baseball fields had turned into thick reddish mud. The players slipped and slid in it, trying to get as dirty as they possibly could.

The sun shone through the thick rain clouds in places, coloring the entire scene in a yellowish-brown hue.

And as the rain began to subside, gone as quickly as it had come, we stood at the corner of an over hang. Letting the water drip down on us. The two of us looked as if we had jumped into the river with all of our clothes on. When the rain had gone and it was time to go, we clambered into the backseat and sat in our soaked clothes.
If there were a jar filled with my favorite days, that would be one of them.

I'll always remember,

Sara

Say Sara, Saturday on Monday

2012-01-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

First of all, sorry for not having Say, Sara Saturday...I know all of you were sooo excited about that. Ha..I make myself laugh. Anyways, those of you who were gangsta' enough to send me a message had some pretty good questions. And I shall answer two of them now :) Why two? Because that's all I got this past week.
My mail box is lonely people, it needs your questions and comments.
So here goes nothing! *cracks knuckles* Let's do this thing!

Question: Zebraunicornasiss writes, "Say, Sara, what's the weirdest thing you've had a random stranger say to you?"

Answer: Oh wow, that's a tough one! People say strange things to me a lot... Does it count if they had a wrong number? Well that's what I'm going with. Some lady called my phone one day, screaming and cussing me out because apparently, I'd been at "the club" the night before and I went home with her boyfriend.
Because of the fact that I did not wake up with a strange man in my bed, I was about 54% sure she had mistaken me for someone else. If you factor in that I've also never been clubbing and I'm also not a "dirty skank ho" then I'd say I was about 56% sure I was the wrong person.
That insane woman called me back at least five times after that. I also get random calls from time to time from this one particular lady. She lives in an apartment and for some reason, thinks I'm suppose to come and fix her screwed up appliances. At least she always says sorry when she realizes she has the wrong number. I put her in my contacts, actually. She's filed under, "The Apartment Lady". :)

Question: A writer... writes, Say Sara,

I'm trying to be a writer, and I have the prologue and a third of the first chapter of my book written, and I have the ideas for some parts of the book, but I can't think of filler parts, like how my characters are supposed to meet each other... or team up :( any advice?

Answer: What a great question! I used to run into this problem a lot, but now I have a much easier time fixing it. When you feel like whatever idea you have is good enough to write an entire book about, then you really have something special. If you're going to invest a large portion of time focusing on bringing your characters to life, then the last thing you want is to run into problems. But, of course, problems are always just bound to happen. When I got the idea for the book I'm currently writing, it was weeks before I actually wrote any of it. I just had it stuck in my head until I finally just had to write it!

The first thing that has to happen, is the story idea has to make sense to you. You can worry about making it make sense to everyone else later. Because you've just started writing your novel, I suggest that you take a step back and really think about where you want it to go. It took me a long time to realize a major point in my book. I had to go back and change a whole lot of things, but that's just how writing is. You are your biggest critic.

When it comes to filler parts (this is just my opinion, please don't hunt me down and kill me if it doesn't work for you) I usually try and think of things that inspire me. If you get frustrated, go out for a walk and just look around. Inspiration strikes in the strangest places... It is really hard sometimes to have characters meet for the first time.

Because you have ideas for other parts of the books, go ahead and write them!

The scenes that you feel compelled to write right off the bat are usually some of the best.

Don't think that you just have to write things down the way they would happen, you can come back to the gaps and ill them in later :)

I hope that helped! I know I have a rambling problem...

Peace, love, and awesome questions,

Sara

Captain Sunshine

2012-01-07T16:34:00.000-08:00

One of the people that I admire most, is one of my best friends.
Her name is Elizabeth, and she makes any awkward situation about ten times more awkward. She's hilarious!
I told you that I would get around to writing another post about my friends, and this post is entirely about Elizabeth :)
She's a great person, of course all of my friends are, I wouldn't be friends with them if they weren't. She shares my love for everything weird and goofy and especially...random. :) I saw this poster the other day that made me think of her, and I forgot to tell her about it! It says: Haters gonna hate, Potatoes gonna potate. Ha! I love it :)

But that's how she is, she really doesn't care what people think.

I wish I was half as outgoing as she is, but turns out I'm just a shy, quiet person who is actually very goofy and crazy.

Today, I wasn't having the best day. It was fun, sure, but sometimes I'm just down in the dumps. Actually,I'm down in the dumps quite a lot.

If you've read more than one of my blog post's, you should know that already.

But when I got home today and logged onto facebook, the first thing I saw? This status that she posted...and admittedly, I almost started crying because I am a very emotional person.

"Just read every single post on my friends blog. She made me laugh, smile, bawl my eyes out, and realize how truly lucky I am to have such a wonderful, understanding, open, loving friend. I love you Sara Moorehead:)"

Yep, that's how awesome she is, folks.
I would have written this as a letter, but then it would have been a whole lot sappier. And I know y'all probably don't like it when I get all sappy. :)

Here's a picture of all of us :) From left to right: Elizabeth, Paige, Me, and Kimberlee.

Everyone should have a fun, goofy, overall amazing friend like Elizabeth. I am so lucky to have such amazing friends! :D

Peace, love, and potatoes,
Sara

Letter number one: A Goodbye

2012-01-05T19:08:00.000-08:00

I've decided to start writing letters sometimes to people that won't ever read them. Some of you will know exactly who I'm talking about, and others won't. But that's the point. It's letters that won't ever be read by the person they are written for.
Here is my first letter. I'll try to make it easy to understand what happened to those of you who don't know me personally. It's going to be a lot harder to write this than I thought.

Dear 3rd grade,

I don't know what happened to us, I really and truly don't. I know that we've both had hard times. I know that you weren't there when I needed you. Scratch that. You're never there period. You never stand up for me, ever. In fact, half the time, you're one of the ones that knocks me down.
When we were in third grade, I had the biggest crush on you. I still had a crush on you in the fourth grade, part of fifth, and at some point during sixth. I never wanted to give up on you.
An a part of me still doesn't want to give up. But I don't like you in the same way anymore. Actually, for a while last year I thought I liked you until I realized that I can't depend on you. The friends that I surround myself with are stable. They're the rocks that I can hold onto when things get tough for me. And, I'm sure you don't know this because you don't care, but things get tough for me a lot. I make things tough for myself.
For all of last semester, I wanted you to just accept me. Just accept me as a friend. That's all I wanted from you. And you couldn't even do that much. One day you told me, "I'm so awful to people, I don't know how I have friends." And I laughed, and said that you have friends because you're a good person. I still stand by that. I think you're a great person. You just probably aren't the type of person that can handle all of my craziness, and at the end of the day still be my friend. All you ever do is make fun of me. My laugh, how silly I am, etc. I don't need that. I don't need someone like that in my life. You don't even know the first thing about me. You don't know how hard it is for me to even be myself around people. You take me for granted, and I don't deserve that.
My best friend told me in the car today, "I tried hard to like him because you clearly still hang out with him, but the way he treats you makes me mad." Or something along those lines, I don't remember word for word.
And you know what? She's exactly right. When it comes to trusting people, sure it takes me a while, but once I trust someone it's hard for me to back away from them.
I have told you so much. I used to come home and look forward to getting on facebook just to vent about something to you. And now we hardly speak.
It's amazing to me, how we were so close years ago, and now you just don't care.
All I wanted, was for us to be back to the way we used to be. It used to be so easy to talk to you, and now it's like talking to a wall. I never know which side of you I might be talking to. I never know where I stand.
Now I know that, as much as I hate it, I have to give up on you.
When I started trying to be your friend again in the sixth grade, you pushed me away. I had no friends, no one to talk to, I was miserable. And you pushed me away.
You were so wrapped up in your music. And you're great, don't get me wrong. It's everything to you. It takes up so much of your life, that you don't even see the people around you. I love music, I love so many things, but my friends and family? They always come first. I love them more than anything. They've made me who I am today. Someone that isn't afraid to stand up for herself when no one else will.
You say things sometimes so sarcastic and hateful, that it's hard to tell if you're kidding. You told me that you didn't know who would marry someone like me. Thanks for that by the way. It really boosted my self esteem.
Practically right up through the roof.
And when I was sad about that, when I let that get to me, I didn't show it. It was Kimberlee that said something. And you acted as if we should have known you were kidding. You told me, "You can't act like a sensitive girl when you hang around this many guys."
Thanks a lot dear sir, but I think I can handle myself just fine around guys. They do make up most of my friends. Never once, have any of my other guy friends hurt my feelings the way that you hurt my feelings every single day.
And I won't let it happen anymore. Because I'm done with you. I'm done with wanting you to accept me.
You've had a billion chances to just treat me like a friend, and you've failed every single time.
You let me down.
The funny thing is, I can't bring myself to hate you. I can't even dislike you. I can't bring myself to hate something I used to love, more as a friend than anything else.
If you ever read this, I think you might laugh at me. Go ahead and laugh, I'm done with you.
I'm done with you not accepting me. I'm done with you not appreciating me.
If you can find it in yourself to be a man and say you're sorry for all of this, go for it. But you should know that even if you did, it would be a very long time until I trusted you again.

I tried,
Someone that used to think the world of you

Tomorrow

2012-01-04T15:36:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the first day of second semester. Am I thrilled about it? No. I am entirely stressed out about it and it hasn't even started.
But, I'm trying my best to look on the bright side. And so, I am going to make a list of the pros and the cons about the upcoming semester.

Pros

It's a chance to become better friends with people.
I have at least one friend in all of my classes..except Biology, but I'm sure someone I can tolerate will be in there.
I've missed English class, and I sort of miss having to try to get an A.
I know I'll pass every class, because contrary to what some of you might think, I'm actually intelligent. Unlike half of the people in my school. I'm just not good at math. And honestly? I could care less. I'm not going into any career that requires ridiculous calculus or anything. I make sure I pass it, and that's all.
I love Biology, so I'm not worried about that. Even though I've never taken a Biology class, I've watched a ton of documentaries and read a crap load a books about it. Yes I know, I'm the only fifteen year old you know that watches documentaries.
I'm excited to learn new things, as always.
I have a new style! And I have a better outlook on life :)

Cons

I'll probably need to learn how to study...something I've never ever had to do before. And I know what you're probably thinking. How have you never studied and passed? I just don't forget what the teacher says...as long as it interests me. If it's math? HA! You can forget it.
I hate math. I hate math. I hate math.
Did I mention I hate math?
One word: Homework. I never had homework last semester.
I'll probably need a back pack for the crap load of books I'll need to take home with me.
Stress. Need I say more?

So there you have it, folks. I have mixed feelings about the upcoming semester.

Peace, love, and textbooks,
Sara

Bittersweet

2012-01-03T18:33:00.000-08:00

I've heard this song at least a hundred times. Why? Because I play it on loop. And I listen to it over, and over, and over. Mostly it makes me feel like I need to curl up in a ball and cry in the corner.
At first, it was just the feeling of the song that made me sad. Then I learned the words.
Good lord.
I almost cried like a baby.
This song is about so many things; a brother grieving over the loss of his dead sister, a father going through a divorce, a grandfather grieving for the wife he lost to cancer.
All of it just struck a chord with me. Not only the message that this song sends, but the bittersweet tune, and the sleepy sounding vocals.
The whole song sounds to me like a lullaby. A lullaby whispered to a child that is already asleep.
It's beautiful in it's entirety, and I know you want to know what song it is :)

The song is Blood by The Middle East. A fantastic group that is now one of my favorites.

Here's the song!
And here are the lyrics, because I know that most of you will have trouble understanding him just like I did.

Older brother, restless soul, lie down

Lie for a while with your ear against the earth

And you’ll hear your sister sleep talking

Say, “Your hair is long but not long enough to reach

Home to me

But your beard

Someday might be”

And she woke up in a cold sweat on the floor

Next to a family portrait drawn when you were four

And beside a jar of two cent coins that are no good no more

She’ll lay it aside

Older father, weary soul, you’ll drive

Back to the home you made on the mountainside

With that ugly, terrible thing

Those papers for divorce

And a lonely ring

A lonely ring

Sit on your porch

And pluck your strings

Oh, and you’ll find somebody you can blame

And you’ll follow the creek that runs out into the sea

And you’ll find the peace of the Lord.

Grandfather, weary soul, you’ll fly

Over your life once more before you die

Since our grandma passed away

You've waited for forever and a day

Just to die

And someday soon

You will die

It was the only woman you ever loved

That got burnt by the sun too often when she was young

And the cancer spread and it ran into her body and her blood

And there’s nothing you can do about it now

Maybe that song made someone else cry :) I really love it, the emotion that it conveys is just outstanding.

Can't wait

2012-01-02T15:37:00.000-08:00

Fellow readers and bloggers, I am excited about 2012.
There are several reasons to be excited, but I'll just tell you a few of them :)

In March, I'll get my drivers license. Know what that means? It means me and Paige can go on spontaneous trips to Gigi's cupcakes for no reason. (Other than eating their awesome cupcakes of course) :)
I'm so far into this novel that I actually want to know how it turns out. Last night, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about the scenes I would get to write today. I hope that this year, I'll be able to finish my story, and start on another one :)
The Hunger Games movie. No further explanation needed.
I'm running the half marathon again! And guess who might run it with me? Paige! I'm so excited about that!
I have an entirely new style for this year. To the crapper with generic Aeropostal t-shirts and boring blue jeans. I've decided to embrace a style that is uniquely Sara. It includes a whole lot of tights, combat boots, more converse shoes, blazers and bombers, etc. I can't wait to get back to school with my my new edginess :D haha
My 16th birthday is going to be awesome. I'm going to have a huge bonfire out in my field with a ton of my friends. After the party? Camp out. No boys allowed (because that's how I roll).
Books by authors I love are coming out this summer!!!

8. I'm just excited to have a whole new beginning. I'm getting rid of all the things holding me back. It's time to not care what anyone else thinks, and be myself more than ever. I've decided to channel the honey badger, and just not care.

Peace, love, and combat boots,
Sara

Crazy

2012-01-01T13:04:00.000-08:00

I have been bugging my dad all afternoon to go walk around outside with me while I take pictures.

But, he's watching a ball game (something I completely despise) so I gave up. I went back to working on my novel, and then I played my ukulele for a while. I don't really care when I go outside, I just want to walk around and take pictures. The reason I want my dad to walk with me, is because sometimes I don't feel motivated to crawl through the mud to get that one picture of a butterfly without someone to talk to.

Most of the time, I go out and roam around through the woods, field, and river bank, by myself. I like being quiet. With one person, it's a lot easier to take pictures of snapping turtles.

With two people, you both have to be super quiet. But since it's my dad's last day off before school starts back, I figured why not. I don't need another picture of stupid turtles. Nothing is more important to me than spending time with my family and friends.

The following conversation is why I sometimes only make sense to myself. Sometimes, I don't even understand what I'm trying to say. :)

Dad: I'll pause the game, go grab your camera.

Me: No, that's okay. I'll wait and go later when it's darker outside.

Dad: I don't want to go when it's too dark, why not go now?

Me: Because, I don't like the lighting right now. I want to wait for it to get darker, but like not too dark. Just a little darker darkness.

Dad: I have no idea what you just said.

Me: Yeah, I don't really know what I said either.

And that, is why I know I'm crazy.

I'll post the pictures later :)

Oh! By the way, for any bloggers that didn't already know about this, it's NaBloPoMo.

It's kind of like NaNoWriMo, but easier to achieve. You're just suppose to make a goal to write a blog post every day.

Happy New Year! (One of my resolutions is to finish my novel)

Peace, love, and nonsensical statements,

Sara

Great News

2011-12-30T19:59:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems as if I have some awesome news to share with you guys :D
As of now, I'm going to be guest writing for Miss Unlimited! It's a website for teenage girls that talks about really anything. And I love it!
You can look for my first post on February 10th :)
And I already know exactly what I'm going to write about, but guess what? I'm not telling any of you.
Yep, because that's how I roll.
I'm especially excited because, not only is this an awesome opportunity to get my message out to more readers, but it's also a way to make more connections in the blogger community.
Also, G-fish (author of The Life of a Goldfish Lover) is going to be a guest writer too! If you haven't read her blog, you definitely should. She's funny, and I always end up laughing at her posts.
Yep, that is the awesome news I had to share with all of you. I got asked to be a guest writer on an actual website. To me, that's a pretty big deal. :)
Because you all know how much I love to write, you know how opinionated I am, and you know how I love to talk to other bloggers like me! MAN! THAT WAS A REALLY LONG SENTENCE!
Sorry for not using my inside voice, but I hear the sound of a Gigi's cupcake calling my name downstairs.
OH! And before I forget, tomorrow is Say Sara, Saturday! And I need questions :) So send them in! I won't publish the post until reallly late tomorrow, so you have plenty of time.

Happy early New Year's everyone!

Peace, love, and crap loads of frosting,
Sara

The Sobriety Checkpoint

2011-12-29T21:15:00.000-08:00

As we were leaving from grocery shopping tonight, a lady stopped us on the way out of the parking lot.
"If you're going that way," she'd said,"there's a sobriety check point." I was the one in the driver's seat, because I have my permit, and I felt a little offended by this. Why would you want to warn someone of a sobriety checkpoint anyways? The whole point is to get drunk drivers off the road and make it safer for everyone.
So my dad, in the passenger's seat looks at the lady like really? and says, "I think we'll be just fine." She smiles and walks away and I pull out of the parking lot.

So I'm freaking out.

Why? Because I'm me and I freak out about everything. I mean, growing up with a dad in law enforcement, you'd think I would be totally calm around cops, right? Wrong. Again, because I'm me and I get nervous easily.
Not like the fidgety sort of nervous, mainly just the aw crap, oh God, help me Oprah Winfrey, sort of nervous.
Anyone else catch the Ricky Bobby reference? :)

Anyways, we drive on down the road, and sure enough, there's a ton of police cars and deputies lining the streets. All the lights were flashing, making it look like some major crap was going on. But it wasn't really, just a regular check for DUI.
So I finally make it to the deputies, and I have my permit all out and ready. I've got this! And then the officer, who was really nice about everything, didn't even ask for it. They apparently didn't have to ask for it in the checkpoint unless they thought the driver might be under the influence.
He said, "Hope y'all have a safe New Years!" and then sent us on our way.

And so I cranked up Noah and the Whale, and I was calm again. :)

It was definitely a good experience though, I learned that I can hold it together when I feel like I'm under pressure. Turns out that this time, there was really no pressure at all. I was just freaking myself out over nothing :)

Peace, love, and blue lights,
Sara

The Passing of Time

2011-12-29T08:11:00.000-08:00

Last semester, we were suppose to be finding quotes about time. I found a quote that really stuck with me, but when I showed my friends, none of them understood it.
It seems pretty obvious to me, but I want to share it anyways, and I want to share what it means to me.

“Clocks slay time... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.”
― William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury

Some of you may be scratching your heads in confusion, so I'll do my best to explain what he meant by this.

We look at clocks everyday.
Essentially, most of us live our life according to those ticking hands.
They tell us exactly when we need to leave, how long we can sleep before work or school, and what time our dates will be picking us up. So therefore, time is dead as long as we are watching those little hands tick off the moments in our lives. Everyone still with me? Or do I just sound like a rambling idiot?
But, time comes to life when we aren't looking at the clock. When we aren't going by it's precise measurement of time, we find ourselves living.

I want to challenge all of you to do something that seems crazy.
Live a whole day of your life without the assistance of a clock.
I know it sounds crazy, and maybe it sounds downright insane, but I want to do this as well.
So what are you waiting for? Cover up all of those clocks, stay away from the computer and go have and adventure the first time you get the chance!
Life is short and it's up to each of us to decide how we want to spend it :)

Peace, love, and Hello Kitty alarm clocks, (yes I actually have one)
Sara

Pieces from my school reports

2011-12-28T19:21:00.000-08:00

I've decided to share with all of you, a few parts of a report I did for school.
I'd like to point out that I got an A+ on this. For those of you reading in other countries that don't use the same grading system, an A+ is really good. :) The reason I'm telling you what grade I got may seem a little weird. But trust me, when you read these, you'll understand why I thought it was necessary.

Here is an excerpt from an essay over dreaming and sleep. This particular part, was talking about discoveries in dreams.

Stephanie Meyer claims that the idea for Twilight came from a dream, but I think she must have been reading Anne Rice novels right before bed, because her idea wasn’t original at all. Thanks to her, there has been a huge downfall in young adult literature.

I’m not even kidding either. Anyone that has ever been to the YA section of a bookstore will have a hard time finding a novel that isn’t entirely vampire related.

That was off topic…oh well.

This next part is from the same essay, talking about Hypnagogic Hallucinations.

Auditory hallucinations are very common though. Once, I was falling asleep and it sounded just like someone whistled in my ear. It wasn’t like a melody, it was that whistle that you do when your dog Spot is taking a crap in the neighbor's yard and you want him to run back home like nothing ever happened.

On the importance of sleep.

When you sleep, your body rests itself, and when you wake up in the morning, you feel refreshed. On the other hand, you wake up to the sound of an obnoxious alarm clock and immediately hate the world and everything in it. Because it’s five o’clock in the morning, and you have to go to work. Or, in my case…High school.

My own personal favorite, talks about sleep deprivation and what it does to your immune system.

Sleep deprivation can even weaken your white blood cells, leaving you very vulnerable to Little Johnny’s sneezing germs. Not the tiny little sneezes, but the sneezes that make you thank the Lord that you weren’t standing within fifty feet of that kid as he shot that snot rocket right out of his nose. Yeah, that kind of sneeze is the kind of sneeze I’m referring to.

My goals for the day

2011-12-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

One: Successfully make spaghetti that is edible.
Two: Write three more pages on the novel.
Three: Make a new header for the blog.
Four: Finish the song I started writing last night.
Five: Dance like a crazy person on Just Dance 3 for the Kinect.
Six: Go to bed at a reasonable hour.
Seven: Finish the work for Honors English II

:)

Well, that's what I have planned for the day. Hopefully I get most of it done.

I can't decide if I like the new look or not. What do you think? Should I keep it like it is? Or should I make it into a simple, white template?

Peace, love, and indecisiveness,
Sara

I don't like to share

2011-12-27T21:33:00.000-08:00

You know, I really don't like having to share things. Not like books and stuff like that, I don't care about sharing those kinds of things. But when it comes to sharing my space, I don't like it.
When my relatives visit, I always get stuck sharing a bathroom with someone else. Which once again, would be totally fine if they just respected my space.
Yes, you may store your crap in my bathroom for a few days. No, you may not throw my towels on the floor to make room for your own because it's my bathroom.
In a nutshell, that is how it is. And I am not a happy camper.
But, the relatives are gone, the Christmas decorations are back in the attic, and life is back to normal.
My blog is back to the happy posts that I love :)
And, at the moment, I'm eating Jolly Ranchers chews. Life is always great while eating Jolly Ranchers.

Since I gave the blog a new look (which I'm not that happy about right now), I added a page. It's called "Say Sara," and it's basically a place for readers to ask questions or ask advice. Go ahead, check it out!

Peace, love, and awesome blog readers,
Sara

Friends: The family I got to choose

2011-12-27T20:59:00.000-08:00

I, am very awkward.
And I embrace this.
It takes me a while to be close friends with someone, and sometimes that gets on my nerves. But in the end, I guess it's really a good thing. All that means, is that I wait to see if the person is really someone I can trust.
Sure, I laugh like a dying whale, but somehow I still have awesome friends.
And in this post, I'm going to tell about my four closest ones.

Paige: One of the reasons I love Paige so much, is that she's never afraid to say what's on her mind. That girl can go off on people that make her mad. She's got this stare (I like to refer to it as the Stare-o'-Death) that makes anyone shake in their boots. Except me. By now I'm used to the Stare-o'-Death. The best way I can describe that look, would be a crazed killer who is about to cut your heart out with a very dull spoon.
She gives this look to anyone who has made her mad. Like anytime I bring up the incident involving a squirrel running across the road. Splat went that squirrel right across the highway. That's funny, if Paige could see me right now, she'd be giving me that look. But I know she thinks that this is funny, so I don't care :)
Paige always has my back, no matter what and I have her back too. I just wished she lived closer...The whole twenty feet I have to walk to her house gets pretty tiresome.
Me and Paige, we're like two ninja assassins, fighting off all the idiots of the world. Okay, maybe that last part was a little ridiculous, but I'm tired. Who cares.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're all thinking. Good God, Sara was a nerd way back then too! But, that's me and Paige from the summer of third grade I think :)

This picture, is from last summer :) Top row: Kimberlee and Paige. Bottom row, Elizabeth and me.

I just got really tired, and so my three other friends are going to have to wait their turn. I think I'll just go to sleep right here... On this nice.. soft... keyboard..

Peace, love, and death stares,
Sara

Knocked Askew...is getting a make over

2011-12-27T16:56:00.000-08:00

Attention! The jumbled mess you are now gazing upon, will all be fixed by tomorrow. So come back then if you can't take all of this confusion!

I know, I tend to switch up templates and change my pages a whole lot.
But 2012 is upon us! It's the start of a new year, which means that my blog is getting a make over :)
And it's going to be awesome :) What can you look forward to? (or not look forward to, I don't think anyone but me actually cares) A whole new look, less pages, simpler layout...yada, yada, yada.
The new year is going to be awesome! And I don't even want to give away some of the upcoming post topics :)
Partly, because I want you all to be surprised, and partly because I don't even know if some of them are actually going to happen :)
I'm starting to build a few connections with other bloggers, and I want more people to get involved!
So when the make over happens, you can be sure that the new blog will be very interactive.
I want to hear your voices! And I'm so happy that a few of you seem to always be interested in what I'm blogging about.
With that said, I'm going to get back to work on the new Knocked Askew :)

p.s. When I typed in "yada, yada, yada", it corrected it to "Yoda". Ha... Star-wars..

Peace, love, and HTML codes,
Sara

And now, I'm happy

2011-12-26T08:26:00.000-08:00

Finally, on the day after Christmas, I'm feeling great. And know what the funny thing is? I think one of the reasons I was feeling all messed up had to do with my relatives that were visiting. I love them to death, but after a few days, I just want to have the house back to normal.

Today, I feel excited for a few good reasons :)
One: I have a great new Nikon camera and I'm heading into Nashville later. What does that mean? Pictures of total strangers, that's what. One thing I really love is urban photography. I have plenty of nature to take pictures of around here, but what I really want to experiment more with, is photos of people in the city.
Two: I have combat boots, something I've wanted for a while!
Three: I can now play the ukulele, and it's great! I've already written a song with it :)
Four: I'm just in an awesome mood!

If you read my last post, then you might be confused by my seemingly fast mood swing.
But hey, that's just how I am. I doubt anyone in my family even noticed anything different.

Well, I'm getting off because, I have one last reason adding to my amazing mood.
I've now written so much more on a story that I had previously stored away to write later.
I know all of you have seen me start stories, get so excited about them, and then give up. But this time, I think I'm just going to finish it no matter how much it makes me mad.
I feel connected to these characters more than any of the characters I've written in the past, and I really want to see them through until the end.
If you click on the "Songs" page, you can see the playlist for the novel I'm working on. But I encourage you to wait until later tonight, because I'm going to edit it quite a bit.
Because, since I've been revising the original idea, the plot has changed.

Peace, love, and Word Processor,
Sara

A Dance with No Music

2011-12-25T20:29:00.000-08:00

That's how I'm feeling right now. But, I promised that the next post would be a happy one, so here goes nothing.
And when I say this one will be happy, I think I just mean "happier" than the past few posts.

Ah Christmas, the one day every single year that I turn into a big ball of crazy emotions.
It's not that I have anything against Christmas, it just always makes me feel bad.
I feel like I don't deserve any of the things that my family and friends give me. I feel like whatever i gave them isn't nearly good enough.
Christmas also always has a way of making me think to much. Especially about past Christmases.
When I was small, on the night before Christmas, I could hardly ever sleep.
I was so excited about Santa coming into my house and leaving me presents.
I always left food for his reindeer.
When I got older, and I learned that there isn't really a Santa, I still got to relive those feelings watching my brother get so excited.
But now, we both know.
And the magic that once made Christmas my favorite day of the year, is gone.

So now, every year, I think back to those Christmases and I mainly just feel so sad. Or maybe, I feel old.
And I know that might seem strange to some of you. How can a girl who is only fifteen feel so old?
And I don't know how to answer that question either.

Next semester, everything is going to be so hard. I'll have three End of Course exams. I'll have a ridiculous amount of homework, whereas this past semester I had no homework at all.
I'll probably have to learn how to study; something I've never been able to do.
So on top of all of these holiday feelings, I feel stressed out over 18 weeks that haven't even happened yet.
Maybe that's just my Anxiety.

This afternoon, I didn't even know what to do with myself. I think I was having sort of a mini panic attack.
When I start thinking ahead of myself, I usually start worrying. When I worry, I get to the verge of panicking.

My granddaddy always makes me feel sad, but I admire that man for who he is. He grew up so poor, and he worked so hard to be where he is today. And he's getting old.
Every Christmas, I see the way he looks at his family and it makes me sad. God, I think everything makes me sad. And the funny thing is, I'm an extremely happy person.
But, like everyone, I can't be happy all the time. Just like I can't be sad all the time.

My family and friends have given me so much. Not just material things, I could care less about those. I mean sure, it's nice to have them, but every year I'm just so happy to have my family all in one place.
My family and friends love me even on my bad days. They love me for who I am, and I couldn't be more grateful for them.

This post has made zero sense. It's been all over the place, there was no plot, and nothing about it was happy.
But I guess blogging is a lot like writing songs. I don't ever get to choose whether or not the song is happy or sad, it sort of seems to just choose for itself.

Peace, Love, and Nikon cameras,
Sara

Love and Loss

2011-12-17T15:10:00.000-08:00

Last night I spent the night at Paige's house. This morning, Elizabeth got a message from her sister saying that someone had been run over by the train. It isn't uncommon around here for people to be hit by that train. In fact, the Chapel Hill Ghost Light, a popular urban legend here, is about a man who had his head sliced off by the train and now spends every night looking for it with his lantern. When I was about seven or eight, we lived in a house very close to the tracks. One day when we went out walking, we saw police cars and an ambulance, the train was stopped next to the place where cars could drive over the tracks. On the tracks, there was a dark black tarp. Now I'm sure that it was a body bag, but then I don't think I really understood. The man that died that day was walking on the tracks when he was hit. He'd been listening to his Walkman.

Sometime early this morning, a car was crossing over the tracks. They didn't see the train coming and it smashed into them, throwing the car completely off the tracks. When the police got there, they had to cut the bodies out of the car. The bodies belonged to a grandmother and her eight year old grandson. The grandmother and youngest brother of a boy that is in my grade.

I know that my last post was a sad one, and usually I try to have equal amounts of happy and sad posts, but sometimes life gets in the way of that.

I talked about how empathetic I am in the last post and a good example of that happened today.
Because when I told Elizabeth how it happened and she said she was going to cry, I said I wasn't but that I was all very depressing. When she said that, I didn't feel like crying.

I felt like throwing up.

What must that have been like? Was the boy in my grade, we'll call him Jerry, awake when they crossed the tracks? Or was he still asleep like we were when Elizabeth got the message.

It's so close to Christmas time. I can't even imagine how he must feel, knowing that there were so many things that could have been done differently to stop that awful thing from happening.

His dad died just a few years ago.

What were the last words he said to either of them?

God, I can't imagine any of this without feeling sick.

If my brother died, I would be so lost. If anyone in my family died, I would have such a hard time dealing with their loss.

Because even though we fight all the time, I would feel so alone without them.

My mom brought up a good point the other day.

We have been so incredibly lucky to not have lost anyone in our close family yet.

I've got all of my grandparents. My aunts and uncles. My mom and dad. My brother.

Thousands die every day, and not a single one of them has been a member of my family yet.

That makes me feel like a weight is hanging over my head. Ready to drop at any moment, and crush some of the happiness that I've been so blessed to have.

If my parents died, or my brother died, I don't think I would talk to anyone for a very long time.

Not really talk anyway. I would be silent.

I think it would be even longer until I laughed again.

For someone to die so young, without ever truly living their life... It's just so impossible to comprehend for me.

It just seems so wrong.

It seems wrong for some people to have so much, and for others to lose everything.

I know I'll never understand why things are the way they are, but I really think something is going to have to change in my life.

Everyday, I am going to write something about my life. Maybe not on this blog, maybe just for my eyes to see. But I'm going to write one thing every day that I cherish in life.

Moments like that happen every so often. Once, I spent a day down at the river by myself. Just lying on the dock and watching the river flow.

That put things, if only for a few moments, into perspective for me.

That river has been flowing for hundreds of years and when I'm dead and gone, it will probably still be flowing.

I don't mater to that river. I'm as insignificant as the little minnows that swim along the banks where the water is shallow. It was just like today, when I heard about how it happened, we were shopping. I started thinking more and more about it. And I looked around. Everyone was going about with their lives. Totally oblivious to the fact that an eight year old boy and his grandmother will never get to see another Christmas. He'll never have another birthday. He'll never get to grow up.

In the big picture, our lives are so seemingly insignificant. But to each other, we mean so much.

No one knows the reason we're here, if they did I'm sure they'd speak up. But for whatever reason it is that we live such short lives, I hope I can make the most of it.

Peace, love, and life,

Sara

Ponder

2011-12-12T20:09:00.000-08:00

Sunset

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how short life is.
My mother's friend's wife just found out that the cancer she'd had years ago has come back. This time the doctors gave her no hope.
You know, we see so much in the media about cancer. We hear about it everyday. But it doesn't really doesn't impact any of us until we have to watch it tear right through some one's life.
It's like the monster we all had hiding under our beds as children. It was so real to us until our parents said it wasn't real at all.
Cancer isn't real to us until it happens to someone we care about.
My great aunt, cousin, and my great grandfather and grandmother all died of different types of cancer. You know, I don't have any real memories of my aunt that I can remember. Just this one when we were on a pontoon boat in Destin. But even that small little fragment is fuzzy. But I remember her funeral.
I barely remember cousin Billy because he lived far away. But I remember his memorial.
I never met my great grandparents on my mother's side, but I've heard stories. Mom says I would have loved them both so much. If there really is something after this life, and I make it to it, I hope I get to meet them.

If I were to find out that I have cancer, and they gave me no hope like my mom's friend, I don't know what I would do. But in a way, I guess I have an idea.
I know that for whatever it was worth, I would never let myself be weak. I would fight ever minute of everyday just to see the next sunrise. The next full moon. My brother's next smile.
I would learn how to truly live.
I would say I'm sorry to everyone I'd ever been angry at. Even if they were the ones at fault.
You know how people always say it's best to live like you're dying? Well, I've decided that anyone who actually achieved that, was really dying.
There must just be something about it; knowing that your days are numbered.
I'd say I'd want to experience that feeling, just to appreciate how truly precious life is, but I don't want to die anytime soon. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, right?
How could you even tell your best friend that you might not live too much longer?
I can't even imagine walking with Paige, and just saying, "I'm dying.". That would break my heart.
Seeing the looks on people's faces. That would be what hit me the hardest. Even if I had come to terms with it, knowing that they wouldn't be okay for a long time, that would get to me.
Just thinking about this sort of thing gets me so depressed. But hey, trying on someone else's shoes is a good thing.
Somewhere, I'm sure there's a girl my age that just found out she has no chance of seeing Christmas. And here I am, warm in my bed, blogging about being in a situation like that when I can't even imagine.
But we've all thought about what it would be like to know that without a doubt, we were going to die. Haven't we?
I think, that if I were dying, I would start giving out a whole lot of advice.
And I would have a few dying wishes too.
I'd tell my mother to finish the latest novel I started.
I'd tell my brother to always have the same laugh.
I'd tell my father where to scatter my ashes.
Aw man, this is making me cry. But what am I saying, I cry over everything. Guess I'm just empathetic like that.
I'd tell Paige to never stop being so kind and loyal.
I'd tell Elizabeth to never lose her goofy personality.
I'd tell Kimberlee go out and see the world for me.
I'd tell Dylan to never let the way people don't see things too clearly hurt him.
I guess I could keep going with this and make it really sappy, but since I'm not dying, I don't see the point.
I feel so sorry for anyone going through something so awful. I feel so sorry for the families affected.
This blog really just came out of nowhere. I Just started thinking about my mom's friend and how much he loves his wife. It really breaks my heart.

Peace, Love, and Deep Thoughts,
Sara

I've got lot's of friends. Yes, but then again, Nobody knows me at all. ~The Weepies

Block

2011-12-11T16:49:00.000-08:00

I've never lacked inspiration. Whether in writing, photography, or music. I just never have. There's always been one more idea waiting at the back of my mind to be written down. Sometimes I feel like I'm sick of ideas.
Too many characters to keep up with at any one time.
But these days, I've just had one idea stuck in my head. The idea for the novel I'm currently fighting to finish.
I didn't reach the NaNoWriMo word count goal, but I figured I wouldn't be able to anyways. And I'm not the slightest bit disappointed. Because I have an idea that I really want to see through to the end.
I looked back over a few of the stories that I had started but never finished earlier, and it made me angry with myself. Some of those stories had the potential to be good books. But because I will never think that what I'm writing is good enough, they all got tossed in the trash.
And this time is no different. It isn't really a wall that I've hit in writing this story, but more of a big canyon that I have to figure out how to cross.
I know what's going to happen in this story, I have since the very start of writing it.
But sometimes, when I sit down to write a few scenes, I realize that there are holes in the plot.
Somehow, I just have to figure out how to fill them up.
And I don't want some stupid mediocre story that anyone could have thought up. I don't want a story that has been told a million times over. I especially don't want a cheesy love story with a bunch of useless drama.
Which is why I take so much time in everything that I write. I want my characters to have substance. I want them to be both easy to understand, and difficult to side with at the same time. I hope that made sense to someone.
I really just want to write a story that sticks with people. I don't want to be the next J.K. Rowling, I just want to write something that touches someone.
And going from the advice of my favorite author, Maggie Stiefvater, when you come to a place when your story isn't making much sense anymore, you should backtrack. Go back to the place in the story where you still had the right idea, and fix it. Even if it means going back to the very begging.
But don't give up.
And so that's what I'll do with this story. I'll keep the parts that make perfect sense, and I'll take out all of the useless information. All of the scenes that really had no impact on the plot as a whole.
That woman is an amazing role model, I swear. If it wasn't for her, I would have given up on this story a long time ago.

Peace, love, and canyons,
Sara

Roads

2011-12-09T20:01:00.000-08:00

My brother is my favorite victim when it comes to taking pictures

The other night, I wrote a song for my brother. It was nothing special, it probably took me about five minutes to write the whole thing. After I had finished playing it for him, he started bawling crying. "Why are you crying?" I'd said. He looked up at me with tears running off his cheeks and said, "Because you only have four years left."
It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about, but then I figured it out. He was talking about college.
I didn't want to tell him that I really only have two and a half years left. "Don't be sad. Sure, we'll get older, but we'll still be the same people." The song had been about growing up and still staying close to your families, even if you do live miles apart.
"But I don't want to ever get older." He said. And so I stuck out my pinky finger.
"Okay then. Pinky promise me that you'll never get old, and I'll pinky promise you that I'll never get old either."

We pinky swore, and then he said, "But we will get old. Everyone gets old."
And I said back to him, "Not everyone gets old. Being old is just a part of the way you think. If you still think like a kid, you still act like one. But you just have to be a more mature kid."
He said, "You really think so?"
and I said, "I really think so. When we're 80 years old, we'll be watching Phineas and Ferb in our wheel chairs."

That whole moment really struck a chord with me.
I've never been scared of dying, I've always been scared of getting old.
And aren't we all?
Aren't we all scared of waking up one day years from now and realizing that we've already lived the better half of our life?
I know I am.

Which is why I think it's important to have so many goals so that you'll always have something to strive for.
I want to see the world. I want to meet amazing people like Olle and Koas! Not saying that you guys aren't unique, (Du är fortfarande inbjuden till kvällsmat när som helst, Olle! Ochjag är fortfarande försöker att inte låta så dum när jag försökerprata på svenska) because you both are :) And you both also have really good taste in music!
Anyways, I want to meet so many new people from all walks of life. From different cultures, religions, etc.
I really don't care who you are, as long as you have an interesting story to tell. If you've just recently started reading my blog, feel free to comment! I'd love to actually talk to the people that suffer through this.
You can always contact me at knockedaskew@gmail.com

I have way more topics to cover, but I'll go ahead and post this one :)

Peace, love, and cool accents,
Sara

Near Death Experience

2011-12-04T17:48:00.000-08:00

Today was the guitar class concert, but before I get into all of that, I'll tell you about the class.
It's by far the most fun class I've ever been in.
Mostly, everyone in that class is so nice. Everyone has a unique personality, and for the most part, they never get on my nerves.
There's nothing like having a crappy morning, and then going into guitar class to have your ears start bleeding from how loud the amps are. I'm seriously going to be so depressed when I don't have that anymore.
Because, it isn't just a class to me. It's a group of entirely different people getting along thanks to music.
That class gives me a chance to express myself. By taking that class and having such an amazing teacher, I've grown up more I think. It's not that this class is teaching kids to grow up, it's teaching them to grow into your own skin.
Words of Advice Break:
When it comes right down to it, all of us have to just learn to be who we are. During all of that learning and growing, we have to accept that it's really okay to grow apart from the people that are holding you back.
It's not that these people are bad people, it's just that, when you first met them you were the same. Somewhere along the way, you just realized that you want different things.

Back to the main story: I've always loved to sing, but this class gave me the confidence that I needed so badly. Sure, I'm still shy and I don't think I'm that great, but Mr. Bateman told me I could sing. He's one of my most favorite people in this whole world I think :) Aw man... I'm getting all teared up.
Because sometimes, you just have to be made to step outside your little bubble, and go on an adventure.
I never knew I loved to write songs. I never knew I had a knack for just making up lyrics on the spot.
But now I do know. And who knows, I might want to pursue some sort of career in music. The friends I've made in that class are just wonderful. I'm suppose to be writing songs with two of them soon :)
Anyways, I'll tell you a little bit about the concert now.

Right before I got up to sing, I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack. My heart was beating so fast that my chest got hot. When Micah was done singing his song, I got up and walked to the mic. I couldn't hardly see the crowd because of how bright the lights were, but it was like Paranormal Activity. You couldn't see the demon, but you still knew it was there.
So I'm standing there, waiting on the music to get to the first verse, and my left arm starts shaking.
I don't draw attention to it, I just hold it still with my other arm.
Then my legs start trembling.
I've never been up in front of that big of a crowd in my whole life.
Calm down, that's not your legs shaking, that's just the bass and Alec's amps.
I knew I was just trying to convince myself.
All in all, I think I did alright.
What really surprised me was Alec telling me "You did a really good job", after it was over.
That's the first time he's ever said that. It made me feel better :)

Peace, love, and cardiac arrest,
Sara

A Few Random Thoughts

2011-12-02T17:34:00.000-08:00

Foreign friends are really cool, and fun to talk to :)
I love how a lot of gas stations in America find it appropriate to display condoms over the sinks in Women's bathrooms. (Sarcasm)
It's not comfortable to sleep between bleachers at school.
Our lunch food has absolutely no salt content and is terrible.
I really love the idea for my current novel :)
I feel like I should just sleep for a couple of years, then wake up and restart my life.
No one should ever feel like anyone is better than them.
Seriously, you aren't hot.
I have a notebook full of letters that I've written to a few select people, that I never plan on showing them.
Why is it that some people are so hypocritical and don't even realize it?
I should take up meditation.
It's not that I want people to like me, I just want people to accept me exactly the way I am.
I will never marry a republican.
I don't see myself having a boyfriend until college.
^ Because, I want something a little more substantial that some stupid fling with a guy that doesn't really care.
I don't understand how people that talk so much about peace, can be so obsessed with hate.
I get tired of the way people act in this town

Peace, love, and gas station condoms,

~Sara

Cool :)

2011-11-22T19:17:00.001-08:00

Cool :) by fallingstars32 featuring post earrings

Old Navy ruffle top
$6.99 - oldnavy.gap.com

Current/Elliott distressed skinny jeans
£75 - theoutnet.com

Distressed black boots
amazon.com

Woolrich John Rich Bros canvas bag
$195 - parkandbond.com

Betsey Johnson post earrings
$30 - zappos.com

Heart jewelry
ghostlove.com

Ray-Ban tortoise sunglasses
$135 - saksfifthavenue.com

Serge Lutens Lipstick Refill -7: Votre Sienne
$55 - barneys.com

Gettin Miss Piggy With It - OPI - Red - Nail Care - Beauty - Fashion...
£135 - nelly.com

Part three of three

2011-11-22T16:31:00.000-08:00

All in all, what it comes down to is this: Life is like a river, and depression is a storm.
We all start out in little kayaks in calm, clear, and shallow water.
Then there are bends and twists, places where the river branches off in several directions. Little creeks to stop and take a little detour on before you get back to the main goal of getting to the end of that river.
But eventually, you might run into some rapids. Depending on who you are, whether you're strong enough mentally to keep your boat on course, those rapids might not be that bad. But then a storm might roll in. Again, depends on the person. It might be a little rain shower, and it might be a thunderstorm. For some people, it might even be a hurricane. It all depends on how well you deal with it.
Now I know how to deal with it. I know how to stop things from getting to me.
Never once since that day in the woods have I thought about killing myself. Because I choose to live.
I choose to live life to it's fullest potential. I choose to not let people get in my way and bring me down.
Because if a storm ever should come up and knock you off your kayak, swim as fast as you can to the river bank. Don't let those rapids pull you down to rock bottom.
When I was (figuratively speaking) drowning at the bottom of that river, at first it was hard to see the surface through all of that murky water. It was hard to remember what it felt like to live in the sun. All I knew at that point was that darkness. But then, I could see that murky water starting to turn clear again. I could see the sun starting to shine through to the river bed. That gave me hope. So I kicked my way back to the surface, and the storm was mostly gone. Seeing a perfect little island on down the river gave me the strength I needed to get back into my kayak and keep going. And that's what I did.
Don't ever let your spirits be broken by your own self. Don't ever just give up because it's the easiest way out.
Sometimes, we have to fight to live. Even if the only thing we might fighting is ourselves.
So find your paddle, and stop at every opportunity on your trip to get out and explore. Explore all the sunny places, and explore all the dark places. By that point, you can deal with both of them without ever having to think about packing up and going home again.

I hope that at least someone understood what I was talking about... Oh well! Time to get back to posting the happy stuff! :)
Peace, love, and paddles,
Sara

Part two of three

2011-11-22T15:37:00.000-08:00

I'll start telling the next part of this story, which I was telling in the post before, exactly where I left off last time.

A few days after one of my more severe episodes, my mom decided that I needed to go to a psychologist.

Of course, being the stubborn person that I am, I fought it. I didn't want to admit that I really did need professional help.

My mom looked doubtful, but I promised her that I would get over whatever this was soon.

I didn't.

She kept saying she was going to take me and I'd say I wouldn't go. It seems like this kept up for weeks, but time was different then. It was so much slower. It was hard for me to get through one day, let alone a week.

One day, my mom got so annoyed with me always looking for reassurance. "Am I a good person?" That's the one question I found myself asking her every day. I was letting those terrible thoughts define my attitude, I didn't know how to control it. "Go talk to your dad. You never ask him." she said.

So I went to my dad. I remember how sick to my stomach I was, on my way to talk to him. Because really, he never knew the extent of my problems. I still don't think he does. He was so quick to dismiss it when I said I thought I could have OCD.

I remember one day, eating dinner in the kitchen, mom was talking about how I might need to go to a psychologist. And dad asked why. For lack of a better way to explain my situation at the time, I just said, "Because I'm scared." Dad looked at me for a moment. "Of what?" he said. "Everything. You and mom and Nate dying." I don't remember exactly what he said, but he told me later he wanted me to make a list. "Make a list of everything you're scared of." He'd said.

I guess that's why I initially didn't want to tell him anything that was going on. He wanted to fix what was wrong with me in what he thought was the fastest way. Mom recognized that whatever was wrong with me, might take more than kind words and reassurances.

He was in the Kubota when I walked outside, so I climbed in and we started driving down to the river.

I don't remember what I told him, or if I said anything at all, but I remember him telling me that I was his best girl. I'd always be his best girl. Even now that makes me want to cry, because it meant so much to me then. It still does I guess, because I think back to how I felt that day. I was on the verge of bawling, but dad saying that seemed to make everything better for just that moment. The world seemed bright again for those short minutes when we were driving around the yard, because I was still my dad's best girl. Because hearing my parents say something like that, saying that I was a good person even when my mind was trying to tell me that I wasn't, made everything better for a few minutes. It helped me get to sleep at night.

One day, my dad and I were walking I think, or maybe it was the same day as the day when we were driving on the Kubota, he told me: "You know, this whole thing you're going through, it's like a mid-life crisis. You're still young. Be happy!" That made me feel better too. Only, no mater how hard I tried to convince myself that I was happy, I never really was truly happy.

Then we went to Disney world. I'm not going to dwell much on that, because I'm trying to make this not an overly long post. The point is, we went to Disney, the happiest place on Earth. And I still couldn't be happy.

No matter how hard I tried.

When we got back, I had to go to the psychologist. Both my parents were beginning to understand that this wasn't something I could just work through.

I don't remember much. I just remember mainly feeling so happy that I had someone to talk to that had seen this type of thing before. Someone who knew what was wrong with me. She told me to keep a journal and write down every bad thought that I had. But they were horrible thoughts. I didn't want to look at them written down on a page. So I chose which ones I wrote down. They were bad, sure, but they weren't by far the worst.

I was getting better. I was starting to see a light at the end of this excruciatingly long tunnel. Sure, the light was dim, but it was slowly growing brighter. I just had to find the strength to reach that light.

I didn't have to go back to the psychologist again.

In late fall, I started having more bad days again. Bad days then were defined by the amount of bad thoughts and how bad they actually were. Now they're defined by little things, like a bad hair day.

I really was going insane. My mind was fabricating these memories that I knew couldn't be true. Like smoking a cigarette at my mema's house. I've never smoked a cigarette before in my life, but once that thought had hit my brain, I had this memory of smoking a cigarette. That's the type of thing that my mind was conjuring up. And that was one of the good bad thoughts.

I was backtracking. I kept telling myself to just fight through this, just fight through.

One day in late fall of that year, I was in the woods with a hatchet in my hand.

It was cold outside, I was wearing a little heavier coat than usual. The reason I had gone down there with a hatchet in the first place, was to chop at this one ceder tree that was dying. The rest of my family was up at the house.

I was having extra bad thoughts that day. I thought maybe chopping at this tree would help me not think about them. So I chopped at it, and I chopped at it some more. It wasn't helping. My vision was getting so blurry with tears that I couldn't even see the tree anymore. So I just stood there in the woods, and I cried. The sun was going down, and I knew my mom would be calling for me to come up soon. I had to pull it together.

I hated letting them see me like that.

The metal blade of the hatchet glinted in the sun and I just stared at it. That's when the thought first occurred to me. Never before in my life, had I ever thought about what it would be like to just give up. And not give up on something silly like a game I was losing at, or a sport I wasn't very good at, but what it would be like to just give up on living.

It wouldn't be too hard. I've got this hatchet in my hand, I'm in the woods and they're in the house. They might not even hear me if I scream. Those are the kinds of thoughts I was thinking. It might be a little difficult to cut my arm with this, but it still won't take too long.

Those are the kinds of thoughts I was thinking at eleven years old. It's crazy to look at my brother who's eleven now and think, When I was your age I was having suicidal thoughts.

Would it really be so bad if I did just give up? Just died? Would anyone even miss me?

And then I thought of everything I would miss out on in life.

Falling in love.

Getting married.

Having kids.

Growing old and dying after a long and happy life.

Wasn't that what I always prayed for? A long and happy life?

It was the promise of this beautiful future that saved me that day in the woods. It was the promise of a happy life that got me through those dark days. And it's still the thought of future times spent laughing and loving, that keep me from falling back into that downward spiral.

Anyone reading this who is feeling depressed, think about the future. Wherever you're at now, things can only get better. You just have to choose that mindset.

Soon I'll have part three. If any of you hadn't figured it out, that was the secret I've never told anyone. And it feels so great to finally have that secret gone :)

~Sara

Part one of three

2011-11-17T20:15:00.000-08:00

In p.e. class we have to write a ten page essay for our end of term assignment. We got to choose the topic, and I chose depression because I can relate to it, and I definitely want to pursue a career in psychology.
As I was working on it today, mainly just brainstorming, I realized that it was getting too present to the whole class. So instead of writing personal things on an essay read by people I can't stand, I'll write every bit of that personal stuff on here.
Because this story is such a long one, and sometimes hard to tell, I'll break it up into three separate posts. This post, will be the beginning of the whole story.
If you want to stick around and finish the whole mini-series of posts, go ahead. But if your're going to read just one, read the last one. It's going to be the best :)
So let's get started.

It's funny writing this right now. After all of these years, I finally want to just talk about it. It's not like the whole thing nags at me much anymore, but I do want to talk about it. It's nice not having many secrets. And in this series of posts, I'm going to share a secret that I've never shared with anyone before. Because now it's not a secret. I don't think it should be. Now it seems more like a...what's a good word for it... maybe an epiphany that I had a few years back. The only bad part about it were the circumstances.
The whole reason I wanted to write all of this down, is because I want to help other people going through the same situations. I'll get to telling the story...With limited interruptions.

I was about eleven years old when I started getting depressed.
I can't pinpoint exactly when I started feeling so sad all the time, but I know it was somewhere around the end of that summer.
School had started back up and it was my first year in middle school.
I don't know what my expectations had been, or why they were so high, but middle school was nothing like I had hoped. It was anything but.
The kids that I had grown up with were starting to break away into little cliques, turning their backs on me.
Others stuck around and then stabbed me in the back later. It all seemed like everyone was in on some huge joke. Everyone, except me.
I've never really tried to remember much of this at a time, everything seems so fuzzy. I remember times when I was half way happy, but never completely happy. Not for just about two and a half years.
Funny thing about being depressed is, it seems to bring out aspects of your personality that you didn't know you had.
I was suddenly obsessing over everything. I was overly concerned that my hands were always dirty, so I washed them until they were so dry that they cracked and bled. I started carrying around Germ-X with me everywhere because my hands never felt clean. Then other tendencies started showing up.
I couldn't go to sleep until my door was pressed exactly against the wall, my closet door was shut, and my sleep mask was on. My parents thought I was ridiculous. It seems like it was just a short while after all of these tendencies (which I later found out were symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD) that I started crying myself to sleep most nights.
It's still so weird trying to write this. I'm not sure how to get the feelings that I felt across, but I really want to get it right.
Then even more tendencies started showing up. I had to tell my parents and my little brother that I loved them so many times everyday. It got on their last nerves because they still thought I was just being ridiculous.
I had so many fears of down right irrational things. I felt like if I didn't tell my family that I loved them, and they went to work, I might never see them again. They could die in a car crash, someone could shoot them in a store. I thought all of those things and more. I thought that somehow I could protect them if I could just see them.
I just constantly had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. All day and all night I would worry about everything and nothing at the same time. But I still thought it was just a phase. I didn't think there was any real problem because my parents didn't seem to think it was.
I went from one extreme to the other. I prayed a hundred times a day, Please, God. Let my family be okay. Please, God. Help me stop crying so much. I went from Obsessing over prayers, to completely losing my faith in God. My mother took me to our preacher's house and he talked to me about how it was normal for kids my age to question God. We went home and I told my mother that it helped. At the time, I had hope that talking to our pastor actually did help. But it really didn't help at all.
I went back to praying over and over a few weeks later though.
I started having so many terrible, awful thoughts. It was like my mind had no filter. I was thinking these horrible things and, at the time, I couldn't grasp the fact that sometimes we think things but we don't really mean them.
The more I write of this, the more I realize that I really did go insane all that time ago.
So then, I started doing the only thing I felt like I could do. I talked to my mom.
I told her everything. Almost every single awful thought that entered my mind, I told it to her. And God bless her too, because I don't know how I would handle it if my child told me some of the things I told her.
Every morning when I would wake up, I'd try to keep the bad thoughts to myself. I'd try not to have to tell her. But by the end of the day, I felt like those bad thoughts were just waiting to be told to someone. So I'd tell my mom.
She listen too. Sometimes she'd laugh at the most absurd ones. Most times she'd just tell me not to worry about it. It's just a thought.
But I did worry about it.
I worried myself sick about every single one of those bad thoughts.
I would cry so hard that I would end up throwing up.
Then one day, I searched the internet for my symptoms. And I found the one thing that was happening to me.
I'll put the definition of OCD here, I think we all know what depression is by now.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). With obsessive-compulsive disorder, you may realize that your obsessions aren't reasonable, and you may try to ignore them or stop them. But that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts in an effort to ease your stressful feelings.

Things continued to go South.
I remember one day very distinctly. I came home from school after a very terrible day, and I just sat in my floor and cried until I had no more breath left. And then I just sat there, looking out my window at the rain. I don't know how long I sat there, but I'm sure it had to be for a good while.

Well, that was part one. I'm very tired now, sorry that was so long!

~Sara

Stories from Walmart: One

2011-11-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl name Sara.
She really loved music and on her trip to the village market, she often liked to browse the racks of CD's.
She'd long since given up hope on ever finding any good music at her local market. On this day, she decided to give it one last try.
She hurried off to the music department, and scanned each rack. Country, country, country, etc. She was close to giving up. Why couldn't there be any quality music at Wally World? She searched the lower racks. Gospel, gospel, gospel. Nothing fun.
Where was all of the Mumford and Sons? Where were the Killers? And then, in the very moment that she was on the verge of giving up, she spotted it. A little tab marked "The Killers".
Was this her lucky day? Had Wally World finally come to their senses and ordered good music?
She reached for the tab. She pushed it aside, eager to grab a Killers album and listen to it on the way home.
And there, on the other side of that mostly blank divider, was the King's of Leon.
She felt her heart break in her chest.
Never again, she vowed, would she return to the music department of Walmart.

The end.

Busy Weekend and cool foreign friends :)

2011-11-13T17:28:00.000-08:00

All weekend, I've been busy. Except for today. Today, I stayed in my pajamas until four o'clock. It was a pretty great day! :) Yesterday, I recorded a little mini CD in a guy's home studio, and I think it turned out alright for a first attempt :)
I'll eventually upload them to my computer and put them on here for you guys :)

I decided that I really love xbox live today, even though I don't currently have live at the moment. You can meet so many cool people from all over the place on there :) Sure, some of them are actually fifty year old creepers, but the majority are just nerds like me and I love it :)
Paige met these guys on there like a week ago named Koas (it's like "coaster") and Olle. Koas is from England and Olle is from Sweden :) They're really nice and I'm fairly certain that neither of them are fifty year old creepers :)
The coolest part? They both love alternative rock!
The funny thing to me is the different slang. Half the time I don't have a clue what they're saying, so I just laugh. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave. :) Koas and Olle, if you're reading this (and you better be Koas, because you said you'd be my blog buddy) I usually get the gist of whatever it is that you're saying haha
Anyways, I'll post later maybe...I have a story for all of you :)

Peace, love, and funny foreign people (not as an insult haha),
~Sara

A quote that never fails to inspire me.

2011-11-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

I found a quote the other day that really made me happy.
I love writing stories, writing songs, pretty much writing anything. I have ever since I learned to write. Because that's part of me. All of the characters that live inside my brain all day, all of the lyrics that buzz around until I give in and write them down, they're part of what makes me who I am. Could it be part insanity? Of course it can. But then, most great authors, poet, and musicians have been mad. That didn't stop them from doing what they loved.
What scares me most about loving to write, loving to just create, is not living up to my own expectations. Not creating the ideal story that gets across every theme that I intended. When people read or hear what I write, I hope they feel what I feel when I write it. I hope they see all of the same things as I did when I wrote it. Which is why I was really inspired by this quote.

"If you find yourself asking yourself, 'Am I really a writer?
Am I really an artist?' Chances are, you are.
The counterfeit innovator is wildly self confident.
The real one is scared to death." Steven Pressfield- The War of Art

And that is why it really inspired me. Because it's the truth. All this time I've been thinking to myself, If I can't finish a novel because I'm too scared of messing up, why do I keep trying? Why do I love something so much if I can never accomplish it? But when I read that quote, I felt good about myself. I had confidence in myself for once. I am a writer. I will write something that moves people. Those words are my new mantra.

~Sara

Good to see you again!

2011-11-09T11:04:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in over a week thanks to NaNoWriMo. I've been so busy writing that I haven't paid any attention to my blog. But today I've come home sick from school (it's just cramps, nothing major) so I get to write to all of you again :)
As I was leaving school today, I totally blanked out and grabbed Alec's jacket and just took off with it to the nurse's office. I only realized I had his jacket when I took my own jacket off and saw that I had his jacket sitting in my lap the whole time. I told the nurse what I did and I ran off to find Alec, but instead I ran into Micah who told me that Alec had been looking for it and just gave up. I felt slightly bad, but mainly I just thought it was hilarious. One more thing to add to the list of Sara Screw-ups.
In the little over a half hour that I was in the nurse's office, three more people came in needing various things, mainly pads or tampons. I think women have some code of sympathy. When one girl has bad cramps, a few others are out of tampons, and one is hormonal, you kind of just want to band together with them and start a war. A war against all men for ever saying we aren't tough. More power to the period people! Haha, yeah well, since I'm not making any since, I'll get off. I'll blog again soon :)

Two more minutes...

2011-11-03T11:40:00.000-07:00

This morning as my alarm went off on my cell phone, I pretty much hated the world. I'm more of a morning person, but I absolutely hate getting up at 5:45 every single morning for school. So I squinted at my phone and turned the alarm off. Then I did probably the one mistake that everyone makes multiple times a year. I told myself I'd only sleep for two more minutes. Which is why I was shocked to be woken up exactly twenty-seven minutes later than I had planned. Which is why I'm writing to you now at a time when I should be in school. I just skipped today and took a much needed breather. We weren't doing anything important today anyways, I just wanted to be home. My mom also left for Savanna, GA today and I wanted to be here to tell her bye.

Great news! It's the second day of November which means....It's the second day of NaNoWriMo! I'm super excited because I've never done this before. The object of NaNoWriMo, for those of you that have no idea what I'm talking about, is to write 50,000 words on a novel by the end of the month. At the moment, I have about 3,000 words so far. I'm very disappointed that I haven't had as much time as I would like, to just plaster myself to the computer screen and write. So instead I've been hand writing some of it any chance I get and then coming home and typing it all into the computer. It takes twice the amount of time, but when I feel like writing, I write. Which half the time is at school.

Time is flying by

2011-10-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

Today in yearbook class, Elizabeth found this long paragraph about what it means to graduate from high school and honestly, it made me want to cry. Because I don't want to miss all of these amazing people that I've grown up with. I don't want to miss having Paige right next door to talk to whenever. I don't want to miss any of this fun time in my life. And sure, we all have to grow up, but every time I think about what it will mean to be out of high school, I get a lump in my throat. So in the following paragraph, I'll underline all of the parts that hit me the hardest. :) We should all realize that time is flying and that pretty soon, we're going to have to grow up and make a real life for ourselves. Here it is :)

Senior year is unlike any other. Here are a few things you should know.. It won't hit you when you wake up for your last first day of school. It won't hit you as you walk into the Senior locker bay for the first time as an official senior. It won't hit you when you cheer at your last homecoming pep rally and attend your last football game. It won't hit you as you go to your last homecoming dance and realize Prom is way better without the lower classmen and the DJ. It won't hit you as you enter the floor to perform at state for the last time. It won't hit you as you fill out the countless college applications. It won't hit you as you write that generic essay letter that you try to use for all your applications. It won't hit you as your college friends return for Christmas break and give you all their advice. It won't hit you as you celebrate New Year's with the friends you have known since childhood. It won't hit you when you cheer at your last Senior night and cry your eyes out! You won't feel it when you are having the time of your life at your last spring break. You don't realize it during Senior skip day, when everyone, no matter what group you are in, has a picnic. When May finally comes around and you realize that it is your last Prom, but you don't really feel it when you are there having the time of your life. You begin to realize it at Graduation when you look around and realize that you will never see half of these people again. You will begin to see it more over the summer when everyone is getting their roommates, class schedules, and going to orientation. It still hasn't fully hit you when you are sitting in your room packing up the past 18 years of your life, laughing with your best friend about all the stupid stuff you've done. You might feel it the morning you leave for college as that it is the last time you will see your room, your parents, and your best friend for like 3 months. It will finally hit you when you are sitting in your dorm room with a perfect stranger, that you have to live with for the next year. Please, Please, PLEASE make every moment of your Senior year count, you only get to do it once. College will be a lot of fun, but in the meantime, jump at every opportunity you get to do anything that you have ever wanted to do. Spend as much time with friends as possible, for it will not be long until you meet new people and inevitably grow apart.

Well there it was :'( It just get's me all torn up! My friends mean the entire world to me, and I know I'm not coming back here after college. I just hope I can keep them around for as long as possible haha :)

Ready for November

2011-10-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

So things didn't work out with that guy, like I knew it wouldn't. Am I upset? Nope. Not a bit. Why? Because I'm used to this! I start liking someone and then I find out they don't like me back then I start thinking, You know Sara, you really are an idiot when it comes to boys. And then I do it all over again. But at least this time, the guy had the decency to not blow the whole thing out of proportion.

In other more important news, NaNoWriMo is coming up November first, so if any of you are up for writing a 50,000 or more word novel in one month, get to outlining! I just finished outlining the entire plot for the story that I'm going to write and the waiting is killing me! I keep writing random scenes, re writing them, and then tossing them in the trash. When I'm not doing that, I'm researching :) This book has the potential to be really good and I really hope I can write it well enough :)

Story time! :) Today in school we had to take our pre ACT test. Fun, right? Nope. It was stupid on so many levels. Especially since I won't take any of my core classes until next semester. So on the science part of the test, I was just randomly choosing answers. It doesn't help that the devil incarnate is our guidance counselor. Ha! Like I would tell that woman anything. I swear she's the most hateful woman I've ever had to be around.
Me and Tristan kept pretend crossing ourselves and acted like we were sprinkling Holy water in the cafeteria. :)

It was over all a pretty okay day :)

peace, love, and exorcisms,
~Sara

Life's too short to even care at all oh
I'm coming up now coming up now out of the blue
These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart
Oh oh oh oh
A dark world aches for a splash of the sun oh oh ~ Young the Giant: Cough Syrup

Scared

2011-10-23T00:38:00.000-07:00

When we watched the Exorcist was I terrified? Nope. When I think about it a whole day later am I scared to death? Yeah! I was so scared from just thinking about it, that I made my brother stay in my room with me tonight.But why am I so freaked out now? It might have had something to do with the fact that at about 1:40 this morning, I woke up to my brother about two inches in front of my face saying, "Sara." In this creepy voice. What did I do? What any person's first reaction should be, I slapped him in the face and sat straight up in bed. He was on the other side of my bed and I could't see his face so I flipped on the light. Here's how the conversation went.
Me: Nate! Wake up! Why would you do that to me?!
Nate who has his eyes still closed: It wasn't me! It was him! That guy!
Me: What guy?! (At that point I was getting so freaked out)
Nate: He was standing right there! But it wasn't him, it was his guest.
Me: Who are you talking about?!
Nate: NOTHING!
Me: Stop yelling!

So I made him open his eyes and when he did they were just dazed looking, like he was still asleep. So I made him get out of my room, and he leaves on my side of the bed.
Which is why I'm so freaked out that I can't go back to sleep. That movie bothered me way too much and Nate has really vivid nightmares..

Scared to death~ Sara

Morning on the weekends

2011-10-22T14:20:00.000-07:00

The first thing that I consciously thought this morning was, Why am I so cold? I pulled the covers around me, glancing around the dark upstairs room to where Elizabeth was asleep on the couch. If I was cold and I had three blankets, then she must have been freezing. I tugged the covers up around my neck trying to get warmer and that's when I noticed that the comforter was completely on Paige's side of the bed. So I yanked a big handful of it towards me and went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later to the sunlight hitting me smack in the face and the sound of someone walking around in the bathroom. I was freezing again because Paige had taken the covers back, so when my only other morning person friend Elizabeth walked out of the bathroom, I just got up.

Last night was great :) Not only because a lot of my good friends got to be there, but the guy that I mentioned a couple posts back? He was there too :) In fact, he sat beside me the whole time. I was pretty happy :D

We watched the Descent and the Exorcist last night, and this morning we watched Case 39. Honestly, the Descent just made me jump a couple of times...and scream once or twice... but it didn't really freak me out.

I was just really glad that I was sitting on the right side of the couch because I tend to jump to the right when I get scared, and otherwise the guy that I have a crush on would have gotten a nice elbow to the face. Needless that would have been totally embarrassing. Towards the end of the Exorcist when I was hiding behind my blanket, the guy took it from me and made me watch the scary part, which didn't really make me mad at all :)

Well that's about it for this post, but I have more to talk about so I'll get on later :)

~Sara

Tonight I'll dream while I'm in bed

when sill thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
that you and I will walk together again
cause I can tell that we
are going to be friends ~ The White Stripes

Sorry!

2011-10-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

I won't be able to post all week like I thought :( Which Is why I'm telling you in this EXTREMELY short post.
Sorry again!

I'm just a little bit
caught in the middle
Life is a maze
and love is a riddle ~ The Show by: Lenka

That one long post that annoys everyone because I haven't blogged in a while :)

2011-10-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

Here it is! A long post that I'm writing to just talk about... Everything! All at once... so brace yourself!

First of all, even though I haven't done anything of interest over fall break, I still didn't blog. Why? Not really sure, I was just really lazy, but I promise that this week I'm making up for it by swearing to blog everyday. Otherwise, like today, I end up with fifty thousand stories that I'd like to tell you guys and not enough time. Then again, I guess I have all the time in the world to just start telling all of you everything :)

Moving on. I found an amazing artist over fall break after watching Whip It for the first time :) Great movie by the way, one of my new favorites! Basically because Ellen Page is hilarious and because she's one of my favorite actresses :) Anyways, this new artist that I love so much is Landon Pigg. His songs are so pretty! Right now my favorite is Great Companion which you can watch below :) The acoustic version is always better.

I realize that the entire video is just a picture of his face, but it has alright quality when it comes to sound :)
Here's a song from Whip It that he sings :) Completely different from the first song which is one reason why I love him haha

Next topic!
This Friday is scary movie night at my house and I'm pretty happy :) Kimberlee can't come, her brother has a game. I'd much rather her go to that though, because I'm sure she'd regret missing one of his last games. It's his senior year! So Kimberlee, since I know you're reading this because I'm about to text you and tell you to watch the videos on this post, go to his game! There will be other movie nights :) but there won't be other games for your brother.

BOOM! Next thing :)
Another reason I'm happy might have something to do with a guy... Oh! This should be interesting :) I've never told you about any guys before :) And I'm not going to tell you now either! In the future, if I ever have a boyfriend that can put up with all of my crazy and still like me, then I'll tell you. I just don't want to waste the energy writing about someone who might not like me back, know what I'm saying?

Anyways, you can all just keep reading to find out if anything that I do works out :) Honestly, the funny thing is that I started out thinking this would be an angry post, but it hasn't been at all! So now I'm even happier :)
Goodnight! Talk to you tomorrow :) I'll leave you with one last Landon song, and a song lyric :)

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes.
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams.
And life gets more exciting with each passing day.
And love is either in your heart, or on it's way. ~ Young at Heart by Frank Sinatra :)
Landon Pigg did an awesome cover of this song by the way :)

A TV show review: American Horror Story

2011-10-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

Oh wow... Where to start! My mom and I love to watch scary shows, and movies, and we love a good scary book. When we saw the commercials for this we were all like, "Yeah! Let's watch it!" Big. Mistake.
That show was terrible! Not only did the acting, writing, and directing suck, but I was so lost half the time that I had no idea what was going on.
First of all, that show was very cliche. A typical dysfunctional American family with marital issues and a troubled teen move into a big creepy house where several people have died. In other words, this show is just like every other scary show you've ever watched that didn't last very long. I guess I should also throw in the fact that all the murders took place in the creepy basement and, what makes this story even more original? The last owners to live in the house covered up the walls with bad wallpaper. What were they covering up? Creepy murals of children and older people in pain! Wow, didn't see that one coming. Let's also add a creepy little girl into the mix and a scary old housekeeper who appears to the cheating husband as an attractive young woman. Maybe now's the time that I should tell you about how the idiot husband, who loves to just roam about his house naked, is a psychiatrist who is currently treating a teenage boy who fantasizes about killing all the good people to get them out of the "filthy world". Did I mention that the husband treats all of his patients in his house? What a smart man.
But let's go back to the teenage girl who cuts herself, smokes, and hates the world. Why hasn't her father, the psychiatrist, picked up on any of this? And why is he so surprised to learn that his daughter and the crazy teenage boy he's been treating are becoming friends?
As you can see, the TV industry is still not creative when it comes to horror shows. I give American Horror Story a 2/10. Watch it if you want, but I definitely don't recommend it for younger viewers.

~Sara

It's only love, it's only pain, it's only fear that runs through my veins. It's all the things you can't explain, that makes us human. -Human by: Civil Twilight

Wiped out

2011-10-06T19:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in forever, I've been really busy lately. Again.
My mom works with a guy who records songs and she's taking me in to work with him on a short CD next Saturday. Which means I've been trying to make sure all of my songs are ready to go.. and the ones that aren't even written yet? I've been writing. So while I've been shut up in my room trying in vain to come up with good sounding song lyrics, I just mostly want to fall asleep. And then there's always mom's suggestion, that I do a song with a bunch of 'la la la's and single strums" in it. Hey, we're talking about a girl who got her inspiration for a sock here. It doesn't take much. I love to sing, but I wasn't sure I wanted everyone to know I could sing, you know? I don't even think I'm that great. But whatever, it's fall break so I have to be happy right? :) Well, I'm getting off. Bye!

Well...

2011-10-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

So I told you that I would get around to putting my songs on the blog and... here they are :) I'm a little new to actually letting people hear me, so tell me what you think! :) I wrote both of these not too long ago (which is why they still need a heck of a lot of improvements :/

I wanna hear the good, the bad, and the ugly! :)

Happy

2011-09-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

I am in a really happy mood today fellow bloggers/readers/best friends that read my blog and don't know how to comment :)
First of all, I feel like I've been neglecting my songs page, so what am I doing right now? Updating it!
new bands to be seen on my play list (they aren't actually new bands, but I've discovered a recent love for them) are The Weepies, the Postal Service, Faded Paper Figures, and Hello Saferide :)
Getting to the rest of the post, I made a new page to post lyrics describing my life :) It's sort of a trial thing, but I plan on posting a line or two of a song on the bottom of each post from now on. I'll just put the over all collection of lyrics on that page :) LOOK HOW MANY SMILEY FACES!!! :D
Told you I'm in a good mood :)

Today is one of those days where I just feel like loving people as a whole, which is rare for me haha. Most days I wake up hating the world. But not today, and it's a Monday..that was rainy. I feel doubly accomplished.
I walked with paige, and then killed a few zombies. :) Those make any day better!

I just wanted to tell you about the lyrics and the songs, I'll post a "real" post later :)

Peace, love, and :),
~Sara

And what about those shoes you’re in today?
They’ll do no good, on the bridges you burnt along the way. ~Jack Johnson

Lazy Friday

2011-09-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

I know I've not been blogging nearly as much as I wish I could, I just haven't had much time. I took the day off from school today because I wasn't really feeling like going this morning. I mean, in all honesty, the only classes I like going to are second block and fourth block. That's just three hours out of the whole school day that I find myself actually doing something productive. So instead of going to school, I spent the early part of the day watching The Pianist which was an amazing movie about the holocaust. One of my favorite actors, Adrien Brody, played the lead in the movie and I absolutely loved it. Maybe I'm sort of biased considering that I belong to the one percent of Americans that actually find Adrien Brody attractive. :) I remember watching The village, King Kong, and the Darjeeling Limited when I was in elementary school. :)
Anyways, I decided after eating the better part of a spinach pizza, that today was the perfect day to just write. It's rainy outside, sort of chilly, and I've always been more inspired to be more creative on days like this.
Which is why I'm up here now, writing to all of you about how I'm a lazy teenager that is happier on gloomy days. I swear, sometimes I think I'd feel right at home living in Seattle or somewhere like that where it rained a lot.
I know I told you, or at least I think I told you, about how we're re doing my room. It's going to be such a job... But I guess that's okay, it'll be really pretty once it's done :) I'll make sure to post pictures when I have everything settled :)

I got to thinking the other day, this blog is meant to be a long term thing. I want it to follow me through college, to New York, to my first job out of college. I want it to stay with me as long as it can, because that way, I can look back to the very first time I ever started it.
You know, it's funny really. With every post I put on here, a little more of my life story get's told for anyone to read. And I've never even been able to keep a diary updated for more than a week or two. There's just something about blogging that makes it seem more important :) I love how I can write anything and people still read it. Now I know most of you don't really read my whole posts or any of them at all. You just followed me so that I'd follow you. But I do read your entries :) Which is why I'm thanking anyone who ever read a single post that I put up.

Peace, love, and spinach pizza,
~Sara

Busy!

2011-09-19T18:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to just now be posting again! I've been unbelievably busy over the weekend which is usually used to catch up on my blogging. But it was a good kind of busy! On Friday night, the official start of the weekend for me, I went to the drive-in with two of my best friends ever, Paige and Elizabeth :) We saw Drive and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. I thought Drive was alright, I'd go see it again to hear what was said better. Dark wasn't the best, I recommend it for rent. Honestly, it was like Spiderwick on crack. Didn't scare me half as bad as I thought it would, but I liked it alright. I have to say, the violence in Drive was pretty awesome. A girl got shot in the head and her brain hit the wall....in slow motion. I was pretty impressed by how realistic it was! What shocked me was the fact that little kids were there and both movies are rated R. I mean little three and four year old kids!

On Saturday, I got to see one of my favorite artists in concert... Taylor Swift! Her concert was amazing, I lost my voice from screaming and singing so loud :) What made it even more amazing was the fact that Needtobreathe was one of the opening acts and I happen to love them :)
I'll talk more about the concert later, but for now you should just know that on an awesome scale from one to ten, it gets a fifteen. Even people that didn't really like her would have loved that concert!

On Sunday, I played Nazi zombies with Nate and Paige :) I freakin love that game! Especially since I'm starting to get better at it :)

Well, that's all for now :) I dyed my hair dark brown tonight and I need to blow dry it.

Peace, love, and Nazi zombies,
Sara

I actually finished something

2011-09-14T17:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my guitar teacher told us that we had to write a song using the words "October Moon" somewhere in the song. He did say that it had to be in AB AB format, but when I start writing something, I don't think about how it rhymes. As soon as I got home, I pulled out my guitar and wrote a song in about twenty minutes. It's by far the best song I've written yet and I'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out :)
Today I overcame some of the fear that I'd had in the past about singing in front of people. It was about time!
Even though my face turned bright tomato red a few times, I had fun playing the song. What made the whole day even better was when Megan asked if she could do the bass part of the song. Obviously I said, "Yeah!" And the bass made the song sound even better :) Kaitlin even did the back-up singing! I felt so accomplished :)So on Friday, the day that I dread most when it comes to guitar class, I'll actually be excited.
Because I won't be up there by myself, and I actually love this one :)

Once again, I'm really sorry that this is such a short post. I really wish I could have more time to blog during the day, but I don't :(

~Sara

I know what I said..

2011-09-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

I know I was suppose to post a very lengthy blog last weekend and I didn't... sorry.

I just kept putting it off until I ran out of time. So instead I'm sitting here at my computer thinking, what to write about today? Obviously I could just write the article I was going to write about, but that wouldn't be done today. I don't want to be one of those bloggers that rarely posts, or if they do post, they don't post anything I want to read. You know? I'm also tired of all of the Poor-pitiful-me blogs that I find all the time. Now I'm not talking about the people that actually have something to be sad about, I'm talking about those idiots that completely obsess over pointless drama. Oh my God, did you hear what she said about me? Who cares?

I think that's what makes the difference between the people who will succeed in life and those that won't. Or at least part of it anyway. No one wants to work with someone like that.

Aw man, this post is going to be way shorter than I expected. :( Which is why I'll update my bucket list and answer more questions that no one ever really asks me haha :) Sorry about this blog having absolutely no point at all, I'll make up for it later.

Peace, love, and procrastinators,

~Sara

A day in pictures: Homecoming

2011-09-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

The day started out with a little planking on the bleachers in the gym :)

Dylan

Other Dylan and Jacob

Kaitlin!

My awesome group of friends with Elizabeth in the middle. She was this year's Sophomore Homecoming attendant! :)

Paige, Kimberlee, and Dylan waiting on the parade to start.

"There is a God!" -Kimberlee

One of the few stoplights in our town

I love my sunglasses!

And Dylan and Katie love to hug haha

Our flag guy (Elizabeth's brother)

The marching band

The Freshmen float (Sophomore's was way cooler)

Elizabeth looked so pretty!

Tree's and sky

Power line

Streamer floating in the wind

Dylan and Paige standing at the fence talking :)

Tristan being dragged against his will by a fellow student haha :)

The moon coming out :)

Tristan and Reagan

The sun setting

... :)

The cheerleaders tossed huge homecoming shirts that didn't sell into the crowd...

...So we played with it :) This is Emily, Elizabeth's sister.

Me and Emily each have an armhole while Elizabeth has the head hole :)

I love having goober friends :)

I love this picture! She was imitating Aggie :) We don't much like Aggie..

Paige took these next few pictures of Kimberlee, me, and Elizabeth doing the chicken dance :)

Dylan's in this one!

Laughing :)

Dylan, me, Kimberlee, Elizabeth, and her boyfriend Matt :) They're so adorable!

I love my friends! (Paige isn't in either of these because she hates pictures, but I love her 2!)

Pictures

2011-09-08T20:07:00.000-07:00

Trish standing in the road to the bleachers

Sorry about such a short post, I really wanted to post the pictures that I took today but I think that might have to wait a little while. I've just been so out of it today! Oh to heck with it... I'll stay up an extra 45 minutes and post the pictures because I feel like I should do something productive. Although... I did just write five more reports on Greek mythology.... Once again, my pledge fell through and I didn't even start on them until tonight... Wonderful!

Here they are, some of them might need an explanation haha

Fog on the road to school

Paige smiling :) Something we rarely get to take a picture of haha

Dylan being Dylan :)

Elizabeth! :D

For some reason, I think Jacob would like the negative :)

Me and Kimberlee

Under the bleachers

Base of the beam holding up part of the bleachers

Yep.. Bryce, Alec, and Jacob picking up the trash at the field. Gotta love our school.

Alec was swinging his arms around I think... :) haha

He was putting his glove on in this one in case you were wondering haha

Black and white!

Selective color of Alec's hoodie and the patch of grass :)

Clouds :)

A scary place

2011-09-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

The band room is somewhat scary when no one (that you can see) is in there. Today I left early because I was having god awful period cramps. Me and my luck. This morning as I was putting on my toga- it's homecoming week- all I could think was, Dear lord Jesus, please don't let me get my period on the only day of the entire year that I'm wearing all white. Unless of course I get married or go to a dance in an all white dress, and neither one of those is likely to happen. But anyways, no matter how much voodoo magic I have, I couldn't stop the inevitable.
Half way through the day, I was cramping so bad that I knew I was going to have to leave because I didn't have any medicine on me. So I walked down to the office at 12:15.
First of all, it was a pretty gusty day out and the clouds made it look extra dreary. My favorite kind of day.
If it hadn't been for the fact that I was carrying my hoodie, my guitar binder, and my big polka dotted purse on my shoulder... okay, AND my skinny jeans, I would have looked like some girl in a Greek epic. Or at least that's how it was in my imagination :) So as I walked across the battle field (parking lot) with my sights set on the band room, I kept thinking someone was going to ask me for my hall pass. No one did.
I marched across the grass bordering the band room and traded my Grecian girl identity for that of a ninja :)

All the lights in the band room were out, except the office. Don't get me wrong, I love the band teacher, but I don't know how keen he is on me sneaking into the band room to get my guitar on his free block. I tried the door and was happy to see it was open. Nothing says conspicuous like a fifteen year old girl dressed in a toga banging on the band room door. I walked, quite silently, into the lobby. The main room was pitch black and, considering that our school has automatic lights that come on when you walk inside, I knew that it wouldn't be smart to go that way. But fortunately for me, there are two ways into the main room.
I walked through the side hallway and spied my guitar...in another pitch black room.
You know, I'm sure Mr. B wouldn't have cared about me being in there, but I just didn't feel like explaining myself. So I grabbed my guitar case and took off through the side hallway and back out the door. Not minding when I heard the door slam closed behind me. :)

Peace, love, and ninja powers,
~Sara

The creature at the window

2011-09-06T19:16:00.000-07:00

Every night for a long time, I haven't been able to go straight to sleep. It's not because I'm having one of those months where I can't go to sleep until like one in the morning, it's because a creature spends all night knocking on my window. It sometimes sounds like dogs whining or fingernails scraping across my window. It's just the butterfly bush's branches, but it still freaks me out a little. Mostly because my imagination gets away with itself.

Which isn't uncommon. My imagination runs wild 24/7 and I'm totally cool with that. Even if it means I'm doing ninja rolls across my bed at three in the morning to make sure the "attacker" doesn't catch me when I least expect it. Now okay, maybe that's a little it of an exaggeration, but you get the point. I swear I read and watch movies wayyyy too much. Speaking of which, I won a book from goodreads.com today! It's called Under the Stars and it's by Rebecca Rogers :) I was pretty happy! Turns out she lives in TN 2! I saw the return address and I was like, Hey! That's cool :) I definitely think you should check it out if you haven't already. It's pretty awesome :)

Peace, love, and creepy bushes,

~Sara

Laughter, pee, and tears

2011-09-05T19:45:00.000-07:00

For the funny part of this post, read the top half. For the serious part, read the bottom half.

Today my mom, brother, and I went and saw The Help. Greatest movie I've ever seen, I cried harder than Titanic. In fact, I cried half the way home. Anyways, the movie will not only make you bawl, it'll also make you cry laughing. About half way into the movie, my bladder was about to pop. The movie was so great though, that I didn't want to miss a second of it. So I waited until I thought I was going to have a pee explosion and tried to get up. Anyone else here know the feeling that when you have to pee so bad it hurts to even move? Yeah, well, that's how it was. I casually stood up, although I was standing a little hunched over on a count of my bladder being full to the brim. Do bladder's have brims? Not likely, but you get the point don't you? I half staggered, half dragged myself down the aisle to the stairs. And all I could think was, Oh dear Jesus, anything but stairs.
Even though I thought I might end up peeing a little with each stair I took, I eventually got to the bottom of the stairs. And if my luck could get any worse, there was a particularly funny part in the movie happening right then. So I stood in the little alcove so that I could still see the screen. Sure, I was doing my signature potty dance and there was a theater worker walking in through the door, but who cares? I was going to see that funny part! Right as the punch line was said and the room erupted into laughter, including the theater guy who was now standing beside me, I couldn't laugh as hard as I wanted. Why? Because if I had, I would have had to ask the theater guy if there was a way he could sweep up my accident. I doubt that's possible. Unless of course you get that stuff that looks like red pop rocks. That stuff is cool :) The irony of the situation was that the joke I'd stayed to watch? Was about.... toilets :)
I dragged myself out the door into the lobby and nearly tripped on the freshly mopped floor and eventually made it to the bathroom. I think I might have looked at that toilet like it was the Holy Grail and I'd been the one to discover it because I wasted no time in getting right into that stall.

On a more serious note, that movie (and book) was so moving. It really made me ashamed to be a white person. Maybe just a person in general. Because looking back at every history lesson I can remember, people have always found a reason to hate other people. Be it their religion, skin color, sexual orientation, etc. We're terrible! And those of us who are all for peace on earth and all of that, half of those people are full of crap! Some people are all like, "Let's save the starving children, but after we eat we should definitely drop a nuke on that country we don't agree with." Yeah, way to be a peace lover.
I just love me some ignorance! And let me tell you, being one of the few democrats in a southern town, I see a whole lot of it. Which is why I identified so much with Skeeter from the book. She was a strong woman who wanted to be a writer and write for what she believed in. Way to go Emma Stone, you really rocked in this movie. :)
With all that said, I just wish that all of the ignorant people who say they hate ignorance would open their eyes and see the big picture. Why hate and say we love? Why not take a risk in standing up for what's right?

Peace, love, and toilet bowls,

~Sara

What makes you beautiful

2011-09-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

We live in a society that puts way too much emphasis on beauty. And by beauty, I mean outward appearances.
If you don't have huge boobs and perfect hips, you aren't attractive. Honestly, I'm perfectly happy not having boobs. All they are is an inconvenience anyways. Plus, the main reason we make such a big deal about boobs is for guys which I think is totally stupid. I mean who wants a guy staring at your boobs while you're trying to have a conversation with him? I know there's girls out there that feel bad for people without boobs, but I feel bad that they think boobs are that big a deal.
I'm not one to judge people. I don't care if you have a big nose or if you're a little overweight, because that's not what defines you. Unless of course, you let it define you.
The people that I think are the most beautiful, are people who don't realize how pretty they really are. Like my best friend Paige for instance. She's one of the prettiest people I know :) And it's not just that she's pretty on the outside, she has an awesome personality that makes her even prettier. Love you, Paige!
I wish everyone would make a bigger deal about good personalities. I know a lot of people that think they're really hot, but they have a bad personality which makes them really unattractive.
We should all feel comfortable in our own skin, but no one likes anyone who's overly confident :)

~Sara

The staring lady

2011-09-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

Last night my family and some friends of ours went to Olive Garden together. Let me just say that restaurant has to be one of my favorites, especially since they have the never ending pasta bowl going on right now.
Not long after we sat down, I got that feeling like someone was watching me. Not just watching, staring at me.
I glanced up from our table and scanned the room. Much of it consisted of tables of chattering customers and the waiters and waitresses carrying plates of food, but the table against the wall to my right, was silent.
The only occupant of the table was a frail looking old lady with pale, wispy orange hair. She was looking straight at me. It wasn't just the fact that she was staring however, it was the way she was staring at me that I found somewhat unnerving. Her eyes looked neither curious or spiteful, she was just staring at me like she might stare out a window. I don't know if she was actually looking at me, or if she was in a daze, but every time she'd look away she'd end up staring right back at me again.
I'm not really sure what else to say about this, I just thought I'd share a slightly strange experience with the rest of you.

Story excerpts

2011-09-04T09:19:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been posting near as much as I should and I'm sorry, but I promise I haven't given up on blogging. In fact, the reason I haven't been posting as much is because I'm writing a pretty lengthy post at the moment. It's more like a long essay and I should be done with it by next weekend. It shouldn't be boring, just sort of a perspective thing. So for now, I'll post a few excerpts from novels that I have worked on in the past, and an excerpt from my newest story :)
Comment and let me know which one you liked the most :) I love feedback from readers! All I'm asking is that I get to keep my own ideas. I know it must sound silly, but it's happened to me before and i didn't appreciate it at all. I don't care if they inspire you, but they are my ideas alone. So don't steal!

Excerpt #1

“Let’s go, sis.” she forces a smile and takes his hand. He hauls her to her feet and for a faction of a moment, we just stand there looking at each other. This could be the last time any of us see one another. At any moment during the run, one of us could die.
We have a rule that has only been brought up once: Every person for themselves.
I don’t know how true that would hold in the event that something were to actually happen to one of us. I know that Mason will always try to save Harper, even if it means risking his own life in the process.
No one will die to save me.
I nod once and look towards the thick dark forest directly in front of us. Behind us, steadily creeping overhead, is the craft. “Time to run.”

Excerpt #2

The thing bared it’s teeth and I stared in horror at their serrated edges.
It would not take long to finish me off.
The creature began to moves towards me, seemingly silent besides the sloshing of the water that had now risen to almost half way up my shins if I was standing. It covered my lap completely and I wondered if I could swim with a broken leg.
Gray light filtered down through the leaf covered netting above and glimmered dully against the dirty water.
Leaves, dirt, and blood covered my once pure white dress and I wondered absently how much washing it would take to get it clean again. It was just like me, I thought, to be more worried about my dirty gown than the fact that my life was seconds from being over.
I wouldn’t have time to wash it.
The creature’s coarse black hair was wet as well and it was shaking. I could see all of it’s ribs pressed against it’s skin. It’s spine stood out on it’s back. It was starved. And I was dinner. It started to move towards me, white teeth standing out against it’s dark black coat.
When it was about a foot or so from me and I could feel it’s breath against my face, I noticed the creature’s eyes.
They were undeniably human.

Excerpt #3 * Probably one of my favorite stories that I've ever written, I know I'll come back to it eventually :) It is definitely one of my most creative ones considering that I had to create an entirely different dystopian society. My favorite thing to write about are corrupt societies after all :)

Something green grasps my attention and I stop paving. “Look, Petra!” From a tiny crack in the concrete to my left, sprouts a tiny sprig of bright green grass. It is the first time I’ve seen grass in almost a year and a half. She smiles and watches as I crouch down to touch the small thing that to anyone outside of Toam is insignificant. To me, it means the world. It reminds me of a feather as I barely touch my calloused finger to it. My dry lips feel like they might split open as I grin. For the first time in so long, I have something to hope for. This single blade of grass surrounded by barriers, symbolizes my life in Toam.

The life that with any luck, will change soon.

Excerpt #4 This excerpt occurs in two parts because this story is told from two different points of view. You've probably seen the first one on here once before, but not many of you have seen the second one.

Mallorie: The strange boy hummed a song softly. The melody was more melancholy than sweet and it filled the silent night air with music. I was starting to become more aware of my surroundings. We were still in the forest, but I could hear the sounds of a highway; maybe we were close to town. Somewhere in the woods, a coyote howled. The sound was high pitched and lonely. It blended perfectly with this boy’s song.

Zane: She made no sound as she cried, I think that was what truly made it the saddest. She was clearly in pain, but she didn't express it in the ways that I had seen so many times before.

She held a hand over her mouth, as if trying to hold in a scream growing inside her. The tears fell freely from her eyes. Tiny crystals in the light from the rainy day. Even when she cried, she was beautiful. Beautiful in the way that a burning building is in the rain. A quiet chaos.

Excerpt #5 This same exact story line must be written five different ways on my laptop, two different ways on the Monster upstairs, and once on the family laptop. It's just one of those ideas that sticks with you but you have no idea how to best say what you're trying to convey. Does anyone else know what I mean by that?

“I have decided that you have to choices, Mr. Whitmore. We can kill him, or we can abandon him. He is of no use to us anymore.” Mr. Whitmore hung his head. “Then the choice is easy. We kill him.” The other men shook their heads. “No, he has promised not to do anything else…reckless. We owe him a second chance.” Mr. Whitmore laughed a strained laugh and looked at the other men. “You see that’s the thing Howard.” He said in the direction of Mr. Roland. “I’m not a fan of second chances.” He pulled out a shiny black object from his pocket and held it up to the other men. “Thank you for your service.” He said before he shot either of the men in the head. The gun made a tiny sound and Hannah reasoned that it had a silencer, but Hannah was too afraid to reason much, especially as Mr. Whitmore lowered the gun and shot at the crumpled form. There was no noise after that, except for the small sound of Mr. Whitmore’s shoes quietly hitting the stone ground beneath.

Excerpt #6 I really love this story :) Although I hit a stump and never made it past the fourth or fifth chapter, I really loved both characters. I'd love to finish this one day. Actually, the same idea of the "x" has been a recurring one. It shows up in several of the stories that I've mentioned above.

A slight popping sound came from his left, the side nearest to the tree itself. The smell of burning sulfur filled his nostrils and he fought the urge to cough.

A skeletal man with a long wooden pipe looked at him and smiled. A wicked, toothless smile that did nothing to change the appearance of his hollowed out face. “Time’s ticking son. Do you want to be here when it runs out?” the man rasped in a voice that sounded like the wind blowing across fallen dead leaves on a grave.

The man laughed a soft, crackling laugh that sent chills up his spine. Delano’s eyes, or rather, where his eyes should be, glowed softly. The empty eye sockets seemed to be lit by some inner fire that Aidan could not comprehend. The branch began to creak under the weight of the two men and Aidan became worried. More so than before.

“That’s my cue, son,” said Delano looking down at the girl who now had the boy’s shirt on, “You know the rules.” Delano bent to where his toothless mouth was next to Aidan’s ear and he pressed a bony hand on the back of his neck. “Please don’t…I don’t have to be…I can do this…” Aidan stammered, unable to contain the bile rising in his throat. “It has to be done child.” whispered Delano, holding up a skeletal index finger and tracing a long X into the skin on the back of Aidan’s neck. The bone burned into his neck and he clenched his teeth. He would not show weakness. He knew everything that the mark meant. Everything that it allowed.

Excerpt #7

“I need you to give this to someone.” He said, holding out the paper again. It was yellowed with age. A large tear ran along the side where it appeared to have been folded a few too many times. She adjusted her apron as she waited for him to continue.

“It’s very important that you pay attention Claire.” The waitress snapped her head up. She felt for her name tag. There wasn’t one. She remembered that she had lost it yesterday. She was suppose to have Dan, the manager, replace it.

“Good. There is a boy, not much younger than you, that comes here every Wednesday night. His name is Asher Byrne. When he comes here tonight, give him this letter. Remind him that summer starts next week. He’ll understand.” Claire inched back a step. Everything about this man gave her the creeps. “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not really suppose to do that. The post office is just around the corner if you need something mailed.” Anger flashed in the man’s eyes.

Excerpt #8

“Corvina.” Delano hissed into the darkness opposite the porch. A shadow seemed to step out of the trees to join him. “You called?” said the raspy voice of a woman who was hidden beneath a long black cloak that seemed to reflect what moonlight was visible through the thick clouds. “I did.” replied Delano.

She stepped further from the trees and he gasped as she lowered her hood. Her skin was as pale as the moon and her eyes seemed to be as black as the night sky. She had no irises. Only pupils made up her eyes. Her black hair spilled around her shoulders in loose curls and under her arm she carried an empty basket.

“You know the price?” He nodded gesturing to Samson’s dead body lying at the foot of the wooden steps.

“Taken care of.”

she smiled and revealed two rows of pointed teeth that looked as sharp as knives.

“Well then we should finish this then.” she said eyeing Samson’s corpse again. “We won’t be finished for awhile. This is only the start.” She nodded grimly and carefully stepped over the body in her flats.

Excerpt #9

I was kneeling in front of a rusted toilet. The lid was up and I held my hair back with my left hand. My right hand pushed against the wall in a futile effort to keep me steady. The nauseous feeling that nagged at me everyday was worse today.

I gagged and vomited into the toilet and then gagged more.

“Oh bless your heart, I’m sorry Mallorie, I’m just…I broke up with James and I haven’t been myself all day. Forgive me?” I rolled my eyes. She was lying. James had dumped her last night because he caught her making out with his best friend Mark behind the dumpsters of the Jones Diner. I knew exactly how it had gone down. It had been on an endless loop in Amy’s head for two days now.

I knew what had happened word for word.

I stared straight ahead at the pale yellow concrete wall and tried to catch my breath. My mouth tasted horrible and I just wanted to go home. Anywhere but here was preferable.

It was the first day of our Senior year. What a wonderful way to kick it off. “Yeah I forgive you Amy, just go on to class. I’m going to the nurse.” I lied, but she would never know.

She hesitated a moment longer, not because she was torn between staying by my side and going to class, but because she was stuffing her bra with more paper towels.

I waited until the sound of her heels clicking on the linoleum was far enough down the hallway before I curled into a ball and leaned heavily against the wall. At that point, I didn’t care what kinds of bacteria and diseases could be lurking on the floor, I just cared about having something solid behind me and underneath me for support.

Excerpt #10 Here's an excerpt from the current story I'm working on :) Definetly my favorite story I've ever written :) I know that some of the terminology is confusing considering that when I create a new society for a story, I have to create the slang terms as well. Tell me what you think!

Someone is in the alley with me. At first, I don’t turn around because for all I know the person might be a milkeye and if they are, they won’t hesitate to jump me. So I keep walking. My black sneakers slap cross the wet pavement softly. The person follows silently, but the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. My fingers twitch towards my knife, but I clench them into a fist. Always keep a low profile. That lesson is true even here, in this dark alley where I’m being pursued by only one person. Rain clatters noisily from a rusted gutter and pull my hood lower over my eyes. I’m almost to the little door when I hear a small cough from behind me. I freeze.

Every muscle in my body tenses, ready to either run for my life to the little black door that symbolizes everything I value most, or turn and fight.

“Sonah,” I put my hand on the knife resting in my coat pocket, “they’ll find you. You can’t keep running to every Site club in the city like this.” I knew that voice all too well. I should have known. I bite my bottom lip until the taste of copper fills my mouth. “How long you been following me, Nite?” I say his name quickly, as if I’m trying to get rid of it.

I focus on the corroded door handle. The rain is letting up some, but it’s still enough to make me wish for an umbrella. “Since you killed that milkeye.” That had been this morning. By now, his blood is dry beneath my finger nails.

Out of the sixty or so stories on my laptop and the twenty or more on the Monster, I hope you liked these ten. :)

Even more pictures :)

2011-09-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

Which was your favorite? :)

I hate people

2011-08-31T18:54:00.000-07:00

I realize that a lot of times on this blog, I've been very negative. I'm not sorry for it though. This blog is definitely not all sunshine and rainbows and glitter. It's the real stuff that seriously gets me pissed off.
Today in my history class, a guy asked my teacher, "If you had a son that was gay, what would you do with him?"
What would you do with him?
The teacher just looks at the kid and says, "What would I do with him? Well I've never been put in that situation before, but if I was I guess I wouldn't be happy about it, but I wouldn't disown him or anything."
Way to go Mr. _________ (I don't mention many names besides close friends on my blog)
Then the kid says, "Well wouldn't you try to make him be straight?"
Teacher: "Like I said, I've never been in that situation before but I'd like to think I wouldn't." or something like that, because as he was talking, a guy in the back who I'd always thought was sort of funny said, "You could always beat him until he was straight." His comment solicited several laughs and a few snickers.
Needless to say, I lost any respect I had for those individuals today.
Why are there always people like that? Why can't everyone just leave other people alone? EVERYONE is different from everyone else, so why do we pick at those differences? Is it just because they aren't us?
You've all for the most part kept up with my blog, at least I hope you have, and you know that I hate ignorance of any kind. One of my favorite comedians has a song called Rant and he basically talks about how some churches say God is all loving, but hates gay people. I'm sorry, but if that's what it means to be a Christian, you can count me out. I understand that some people say, "But it's in the Bible!" Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save it. There's a whole lot in the Bible that we don't follow anymore, but people choose to look at the Bible in ways that benefit themselves. And don't people realize that God didn't write the Bible?
For the most part, I hope I have readers that agree with what I write on here because it's really nice to know that I'm not the only one with the same views.
Why can't people be accepting? Why can't they walk a mile in others shoes? If I ever had a child that was gay, I'd probably love them even more. Think of the crap that they have to go through on a daily basis. Someone who thinks that people can choose to be gay, (which I think is total BS) why would someone choose to be bullied to the point of killing themselves over people not agreeing with who they are?
Think about it, would you want to be called a homo or a fag for the rest of your life? I know I wouldn't. People have called me a lesbian before and it hurt my feelings a little, until I realized how strong any gay, bi, and lesbian person has to be to put up with that shit everyday.
And why does it matter? Why can't they get married to? It's not like we're going to run out of straight people. It's not like it's a contagious disease.
This is the segregation of our generation. We can either sit back and let it happen, or we can take a stand for what we believe in. Because if you ask me,

Here are some sites to support gay rights and to help end bullying.

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ The Trevor Project, Preventing suicide among LGBTQ teens.
http://gayrights.change.org/ This is a social petition, sign it!
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ This sites gives plenty of examples about how life really does get better for LGBTQ youth.

Chocolate, spiders, and alcohol

2011-08-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

My brother planting a nice chocolate kiss/mustache on my dad's head.

Today I went to a chocolate party with my mom. Yes, there actually is such a thing and it's probably the greatest thing ever invented... EVER.
So I filled my plate up with chocolate and everything else there just about and it was wiped out ridiculously fast. Don't get me wrong, I only went back up there to reload on some of this spicy chocolate dip that can go with anything, but when I came back to my seat, I realized that I had just completely stocked up again.
I sincerely went up there with good intentions, I was thinking all like, Yeah! A few carrots and some more dip..don't mind if I do... But then... I saw the cheese.
I am a sucker for cheese, and chocolate, so I got a few cubes of cheese. But then I saw the fondue dip.
This little deal went on for a while until my brain was all like, What happened to just a few carrots, Sara? Which is why I went back to my seat knowing that I had done the right thing.
At one point during the party, the chocolate person made chocolate martinis and was walking around seeing if anyone wanted unleaded.
She looked straight at me and said, "Unleaded or leaded?"
Me: "I'm fifteen, so..."
Chocolate lady: "Oh my gosh! I'm sorry! You look a lot older!"
Me to my mom: "That's the second time something like that has happened in the past three months."
Mom: "At least this one didn't assume you were a school teacher."

After the many fattening snacks were devoured, and my favorite kid to babysit ever (Megan, you might remember her from this post) had given me an awesome duct tape bracelet, we went home and I got in the shower.
Well, I was about to get in the shower when I realized two things:

It is generally not smart to leave a flat iron plugged in for very long periods of time
There was a gigantic spider in my tub.

Now of course since I have a fear of spiders, I'm exaggerating... just a tad. But I'm not kidding, this spider was the size of a half dollar. You guys know by now that I'm no sissy girl, I don't care about mud and dirt and painted nails or even snakes. But me and spiders? We aren't exactly friends.
So I screamed. Not like a crazy-lady-who-sits-beside-me-in-spin-class BFBCC (Burp Fart Battle Cry Combo), but it was a pretty decent scream. I ran down the stairs and told dad to kill it and got this response: "Man up and be a girl!" Yes, because that makes so much sense.
So he kills it, by washing it down the tub's drain.
The entire time I was in the shower, I was staring at the drain half expecting to see a radio active spider crawl up from the black hole and bite me. Of course, then I'd be spider girl which would be pretty freaking awesome, right? :)

Peace, love, and radio active spiders,
~Sara

More pictures :)

2011-08-26T16:03:00.000-07:00

My little brother :)

Dying flower

Winking

2011-08-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

After about five hours working on and off with my five reports, one poster, and half a song for guitar class, I'm all done! Thank goodness! :)
I also decided that I am what you might call a procrastinator. I put just about everything off until the very last minute... It's not a good thing to be.
Which is why I'm making a pledge to never again wait until the day before a deadline to start on something.
By now you're probably thinking, why is this post called winking?
Today in lunch, my right contact was really drying out. Some of you may have noticed that sometimes I blink one eye before the other one? Well it's thanks to the stupid contacts. If it weren't for the fact that I look like even more of a nerd with my glasses on, I'd wear them all the time. So, as I was staring in the general direction of the line that people stand in to put their trays, I blinked only my right eye.
Then Kimberlee says, "Did you just awkwardly wink at that guy?" I looked up, and to my embarrassment, there is a guy walking up to the line giving me a weird look. Thanks contacts that refuse to be moist, thanks a lot.
To make matters even worse, on the way out of the cafeteria, I elbowed this other guy. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty darn stupid.
I that's when I decided to never go to lunch again.

Peace, love, and awkward involuntary winks,
~Sara

Tired

2011-08-24T18:23:00.000-07:00

With the way school is, I feel like I have barely any time to myself anymore. Last night I would have loved to get on here and write a big long post about how everything was going with me, or maybe about some weird thing that I thought about, but no. What did I do? I played guitar until my back hurt so bad that I had to take an Ibuprofen. So I didn't have time to blog, or write, or make dubstep, or paint. Or.. maybe work on the five page report I have to do over Egyptian mythology.. Nope, I played guitar because I'm tired of being a idiot child in there! Sure, I can play a few chords pretty good, but when it comes to picking? Ha! Count me out. I'm sorry if my stubby little fingers can't keep up. I really do love that class though. There's tons of really cool people in there! Though there are a few that annoy the crap outta me when they turn guitar class into American Idol. Seriously people? Namely people from my own gender. Which is why I don't sing in there. Because I'd rather not be approached by people singing to me "Goodbye, Earl" by the Dixie Chicks.
Call me crazy, but I've already gone over the fact that I'm not a very social person. At all.
And believe me, there's people in there that have done just that thing.

All of that stress, plus the extra stress that I put on myself, is why I'm tired.
I'm tired ALL the time now! I'm, tired when I wake up, I'm tired in the middle of the day, and I'm tired when I go to sleep. Honestly, if anyone knows any good ways to not be tired, I'll take them! Besides energy drinks.. I hate them for the most part. :)

Peace, love, and lazy bums,
~Sara

Really cool genre of music... Dubstep :)

2011-08-21T18:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jacksfilms on YouTube, I discovered this awesome music! It's so different and I absolutely HAD to learn how to make it :) Granted, I suck right now, but I'm still learning! Here are some videos that will help explain what Dubstep and Drops are :) (The Drop is when the music goes from awesome, to OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING!) The first video is just telling you how to make it, the rest are just downright awesome Dubstep tracks :) I also threw in a few great Dubstep dancers :) How they do it, I have no idea... But they're really awesome to watch!
The great thing about this genre is, it can sound like anything. My favorites are the ones that stop right before the drop :)
Truly insane, this guy is awesome!

How to make it
(the drop in this one is really cool)

The concept of this video is pretty dumb, but guns shooting dubstep music? I think yes :)

Whoa....

Spin class

2011-08-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

If any of you have ever been to a spin class at a gym, then you'll really know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, then I'll have to paint the picture for you.
First of all, a spin class is where you get on those little spin bikes. They're sort of like recumbent bikes, only you can go a whole lot faster on them. Secondly, our spin class takes place in a dark room with a big mirror on one wall that reflects the little string lights that hang around it. Lastly, there is pretty loud upbeat music.
So now that you have the background, let's get back to the story.
I had never been to a spin class before today. My mom had gone last weekend but I had spent the night at Paige's and we didn't go to sleep until sometime that morning. Spin class is on Saturdays at 8:15.
Mom went without me and had a blast, so I figured I'd try it out. We already go to Zumba and even though I have all the coordination of a dying mule (first thing I thought of), and I love it! Which is why I was like, "What the heck, it won't hurt to try." WRONG! That class kicked my butt!
Which, coincidentally, is what my mom said to me right before we left and I was thinking, haha yeah right. I can take a bike class! No problem!
We walked in, got on our bikes, and started to warm up. A creepy old man was sitting on the bike directly across from me and he kept looking at me. I started to wish I'd worn longer shorts.
There was an old lady sitting right next to me. Now, when I say old, I mean that she looked around sixty or so but sounded like she was a ninety yer old smoker. But how, you might be wondering, could you tell what she sounded like when the music was so loud?
Here's how.
Every time we'd sprint or stand up for a few seconds (which felt like eternity), when we'd sit down, this lady would go, "AHHHHHH!" I mean she yelled it. The farther along we got into the class, the more annoying she got. She eventually moved on the the point where she was adding in a few extra sounds into her yelling to switch it up a little bit. "ARRRGGGH!" "YIIIIIH!" And, my personal favorite, "ARRGHH" *pause* BURP.
I kid you not, this little old women let out a belch that made me want to get off my bike right there and make her say excuse me. That, or get her a medic to find out what the crap was wrong with her. My mom finally figured out who was doing all of the carrying on, and after that every time she yelled out or let out the occasional burp, we'd look at each other and laugh. Nothing says family bonding time like laughing over an old screaming woman who had possibly eaten something that didn't quite agree with her.
Wow this is a long post! But hopefully it made you laugh :)

Peace, love, and lots of burping,

~Sara

People who annoy me

2011-08-19T20:19:00.000-07:00

Tonight I realized something. By now, if you've kept up with my blog all this time, you've realized something as well: I realize a lot of things. Anyways, tonight i found out that my tolerance for annoying people isn't very good.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty tolerant person, but when it comes down to people who are fake and just plain mean, I can't take it. We've all had to deal with them, those people that attach themselves to your particular group of friends and follow you everywhere. They make things really awkward don't they? Yep!
I also realized that girls in general annoy me, which is so funny because I am a girl! Haha.. I think I've had a tad too much caffeine..
It's not that all girls bother me, obviously. I have some really awesome girlfriends, but I'm talking about the stereotypical drama starters that go through boyfriends as fast as a woodchuck goes through wood. Like that saying? I just made it up. Ingenious right? Anyway, I had to "take a shift" with this girl that was hanging around us, but no one really liked. Now everyone knows that I'm anti-social. If you don't think that, then you've never seen me when I'm either by myself or with people I don't really know all that well. So when two other girls came up and noticed my lack of social skills, the first thing they said to me? Okay, wait a second. Let's back up to when they first walked up. Not only did these girls walk up and only say hello to the said annoying girl in question, they completely bypassed the fact that I was even there. Honestly, I could have cared less because I didn't really like either of them, but still. So what was the first thing they said to me?
"Why is she so quiet?" And actually, they said that to the annoying girl who I'll now call Aggie. I turned around and looked at them, smiled a little and said, "I just like being quiet."
And it's the truth! I really do like being quiet...sometimes. It gives me time to think. For instance, the whole time I was standing there, staring blankly at the football field, I was thinking about writing this very post.
Then they got back to talking about cheer leading and I tuned them out again. Until Paige walked up with cheese fries. That was good enough reason for me to pay attention again :)
Honestly, I don't understand why Aggie picked us. She was obviously only using us to get what she wanted which was to be able to go to the F-ball game. She was grounded under the condition that she could go places as long as a friend was with her. Don't ask me to explain, it's a really long story that would bore you to tears.
How many of us have to pretend to be someone we aren't just to deal with these people? I really wish that any of us had been brave enough to just say it like it is, but we weren't. What about you? How do you handle these types of situations?

~Sara

Drafts

2011-08-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

I was looking through my posts and I was overwhelmed with how many posts have never been completed!
Most of them aren't published because I don't know how readers will respond to the content, but some of them just haven't been posted. And then I thought, how many other bloggers do the very same thing? Write an entire post and then save it, never planning on publishing it on the principle that some people might not like your views on something? Which is why from now on, I'm posting everything that I write on here.
I'm not holding back anymore because I really want to know if other people have the same views as me :)
From now on, expect to see even more controversial topics popping up on my blog :)

Embarrasing moments!

2011-08-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

Today in lunch, we had nachos of all things. Which is why when I dumped the entire contents of my tray (excluding the re fried beans, they stayed exactly where they were) all over the floor surrounding my seat, I was thinking: Why was it not hot dog day or something?
The girls at the table next to ours looked up at me with disgust, as if I'd committed murder. Then again, those girls look that way no matter what, so I wasn't that offended.
One of the guys that we sit with walked up about that time and just looked at the mess. He looked a me and said, "Did you do that?" And I nodded. So then he said, "Sma-hoooth!" And then I wasn't embarrassed anymore. Well, mostly.
Then I had to go find the janitors and tell them what I did. So they started cleaning while I walked in and got another lunch. Ah, the beauty of being me.
I have embarrassing moments all the time, so it's hard to single out my most embarrassing moment. When I figure it out, I'll be sure to tell you though!
What about you? Have you had any embarrassing moments lately?

Funny stuff!

2011-08-14T19:15:00.000-07:00

I know this is an abnormally short post from me, but I really want to work on my story. So here are a few videos that Grammar Nazi's with a good sense of humor should laugh their heads off at!

I know I skipped number five, it's not the best :) But the rest are pretty great!

And then I started thinking...

2011-08-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, some of you might have watched the Perseid meteor shower. I set out with great intentions, I even set my alarm clock for 2:30 a.m. so that I could go outside and watch the skies. When my brother woke me up at 2, I'm not sure what he was exactly telling me because I was still half asleep, I'm guessing he said something along the lines of, "I've been outside and haven't seen any." So I tried to go back to sleep.
Somewhere during the time that I was still working on going back to sleep, I started thinking.

WARNING! The rest of the post is very nerdy and it gets even worse towards the end. If you don't want to read it, Watch the video! It's cooler anyway :)
Most of you know by now that when I start thinking, I really start thinking. Usually it's pretty easy to tell when I'm lost in thought. My symptoms include: A blank stare into nothing, biting the inside of my cheek, a glazed over look in my eyes and my eyebrows are usually pulled together in concentration.
So as I laid there, just thinking, I started feeling pretty insignificant.
For those of you that don't know, the Perseid meteor shower is actually made up of dust and other particles. That's right, dust. Sure, we aren't talking about the sort of dust most of us are familiar with, we're talking about bits of comet that was left behind in the path of Earth's orbit, but you get the idea.
The Earth to us is huge. The Earth compared to the entire universe...is even smaller than a fleck of dust.

To sort of put this into perspective, If this web page represents the sun, the period at the end of this sentence represents the Earth.

I had to make that last sentence smaller to be true to the website where I found the information. :)

Think about it! This page is suppose to be the sun. That period up there is suppose to be the Earth.

Compared to just our galaxy alone, the sun is an ant!

Compared to our entire universe which no one knows the size of because it never stops growing, the sun is

microscopic. And the sun is a MILLION times bigger than the Earth!

Here is a video to make you feel even smaller.

I can't even wrap my mind around how tiny we are!

Well, that was the first ever Nerd Day post! For future reference, any day is nerd day in my book. I'm going to dedicate a page to all of this scientific stuff and just cool stuff in general that I find fascinating :)

Thanks for reading!

Where I got some of my information :)

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_big_is_Earth_compared_to_the_Universe

Awesome website

2011-08-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across a website one day not too long ago called Youniverse. It's a really great website and pretty much got my personality exactly right on every level :) To take the tests, you click the picture which strikes you the most. Then it gives you your visual DNA. Here are a few examples of what I got! If you check out this site, please comment with your test results! I want to see what everyone else got :)

Mind: The Questioner- You are a highly creative person who likes to question the norm. You're always keen to broaden your outlook on life. You are fond of learning and may sometimes choose to shy away from the world, immersed in books or surfing the net. You can find the written word very comforting. You probably enjoy being surrounded by books. You've got a thirst for knowledge and an almost nerdy love of tiny details.

Art: The Happy Dabbler- Your creativity lies in everyday objects. You don't need to roll up your sleeves or embark on a major project to get creative. And in fact you may not have much time for grand artistic schemes. But you still find plenty of ways to express yourself in your daily life. It s just a natural reflection of who you are.
Deep down you have a curious spirit and like exploring new places and ideas. Your creativity is reflective and philosophical. You are definitely a deep thinker.

Those were just two of my test results, but I figured that you would get bored reading all of them :)

The bird

2011-08-12T13:41:00.000-07:00

Mom's hand :)

Today in guitar class, I was flipped off a couple of times. Was I offended? No! Because the flippers in question didn't mean to flip anyone off. The song that they were playing doesn't use the middle finger which gives you two options. You could stick it straight up in the air and flip off the entire class, or you could do what I and most of the other students do and just put it on another string. Proof that musicians have a great sense of humor :)

We had to get up and play in front of everyone in the class and my hands were shaking so bad that I screwed up a few times :( I played Bad Moon Rising because I know it by heart. The bad thing about that song? It's really fast. Sure, I could have slowed it down considering my hands were trembling so bad, but that would have thrown off the beat! So I played fast, slipped on a few notes, but in the end everyone clapped :)
They also said I was the most improved out of everyone in the class which wasn't true. If you know me, you know that I'm a very quiet person and it takes me a while to get used to people. Since I'm like that, only Shelby had really heard me play. So actually, I had been able to play that song for months, but what they don't know won't kill them :)
The teacher should have called me out on not playing the chords like he taught us, but what he said was, "Great job, Sara. Excellent timing and good left hand." So needless to say, I felt pretty good about myself.
The only issue is that we have to show improvement next week. I'm not the fastest learner when it comes to guitar, so unless I sing, I'm not sure what I'll do.
Maybe one of these days, I'll be brave enough to sing in front of people, but today? Not happening.
Maybe I'll do a cover of a song and post it on here first just to get feedback :)

~Sara

Funny, yet offensive song

2011-08-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my friend Elizabeth, I now have a love for Bo Burnham and the Lonely Island.
Yep, this song is pretty offensive at times, but it's still hilarious! So.. here it is :) Love is, by Bo Burnham

Colored fingers

2011-08-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

Shadow :)

Yearbook class has to be my favorite class this semester. Well, I guess it ties with guitar. :)
Today we made posters telling students when fall pictures would be made. Paige, Kelsey, and I were all in the same group and we did a pretty good job if I do say so myself. :)
While the other groups stayed centered around the theme of taking pictures, we used fingerprints.
It was Kelsey who had the idea for using our finger prints on the poster and I'd like to say that it was a genius idea! I'm always looking for a good enough excuse to give in to my inner kindergartner :) So we set to work coloring our hands with markers.

I know that the markers say that they're washable, but they're lying. The proof is still on my hands that have been washed at least five times since I've been home. That's not counting the Germ-x that I used in a last effort to get rid of the ink.
Essentially the poster told when the pictures would be made and around the words, were little finger prints.
Sure, I got a few weird looks from a student or two on my way back to pick up my guitar, but did I care? The answer is no. My hands were freaking awesome!
Getting to the point of this post, sometimes it's okay to just be silly. I think a lot of us forget that as we grow up, and it makes me sad. So wear crazy socks, paint your hands all the colors of the rainbow, and never ever forget what it was like to be a kid. :)

~Sara

13 Reasons

2011-08-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

I just finished Thirteen Reasons Why by brilliant Jay Asher. First of all, I'm not going to give anything away that isn't either A) on the back of the book or B) on one of the first few pages of the book.

Essentially, the book is about a girl who killed herself, but left behind several tapes telling not only why she did it, but who helped her make the decision. This isn't going to be a book review, so don't stop reading now. Mostly this is a discussion based around one of the main themes of the book.

This book really made me think about how much we affect other people's lives without even really knowing it. More than that, the extent to which we affect them. Something that we may think is entirely harmless can be taken very seriously. Another thought worth thinking about is how people deal with everything differently.
I guess in the long run, that's the real reason behind most depressions.
If you understand what I'm getting at, keep reading. If you don't, skip to the end where I finally get to the point.

Suicide is a very hard thing to come to terms with. So many people are affected by one person's choice to end their own life. I think the hardest thing for people to wrap their heads around is, how could they? How could they do something so awful? People have their reasons. Sometimes the reasons don't make sense to anyone but the person going through with it, but they have them. In this character's case, she was very misunderstood and she really needed someone to trust, but she never found one. She lost hope too quickly.
When I was reading this book, for the first few reasons, I didn't really understand why someone could kill themselves over things like that. Towards the end, it made a lot more sense.
I felt so sad while I was reading it, thinking of how many teens who may be in the same situation as her.

There's always hope. Even though you might not be able to envision a future where you're happy, there is one. The disgusting thing that stood out to me in this book was the way her peers treated her. It was so much like something that you would actually see happening. It made me feel so bad for listening to rumors and laughing. It made me feel awful about how we treat one another.
We are all so quick to judge, no matter what we say. We look at people and don't really see them. We see the viscous rumors that people start for the fun of it. But tell me, how much fun do you get out of watching a classmate or anyone for that matter, wither away like that?

Next time you hear a rumor, no matter how tempting it might be to laugh and gossip about the victim, really think about how they felt when they heard the same rumor.
I honestly think this book has changed me and that everyone should read it.

~Sara

Good songs :)

2011-08-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

A while back I posted ten songs (I think) that were happy or encouraging. Today, I'm posting a few songs that may not really be happy at all. A few of them are actually pretty sad if you listen to the words.
Which is why I'm writing this! Really listen to the words in songs. Some of the lyrics might surprise you!

I'll Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab for Cutie

Dance Me to the End of Love- The Civil Wars

Run- Snow Patrol

Roll Away Your Stone- Mumford and Sons

Out of these four songs, which was your favorite? :)