Say, Sara- Boyfriends

Say Sara,
I'm 17. I just read your article for the Aiming Low website about not having to have a boyfriend . I know its from a while ago, but I was wondering if you could help me out a bit.
Usually, I feel the same as you: I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy. I can be happy on my own, being independent, and free from all the other things attached to having a boyfriend, etc. Recently I have been trying to focus a lot more on my art (which has been improving-yay!) and taking the time to read more and follow my passions. I've also been spending a lot of time with my best girlfriends, and I've opened up to making a lot more new friends in my school. I still have a lot I want to do, but I think I am making a good start.
But then there are some days where I just feel so down about not having a boyfriend. And it's not just having a boyfriend, it's the whole thing--I've never ever kissed a guy and I'm 17.
I am an independent person. I am happy with myself. I have great friends, a great family. I am outgoing, and I make friends easily, people think I am fun to be around. I'm pretty in my own way. I'm not the skinniest, I'm not the hottest, but I'm past all those body issues--I like the way I look. And I am pretty intelligent (please don't think I'm arrogant for saying all this, I am just being honest about what I think.) I do feel insecure sometimes, but who doesn't?
But that's the thing that I don't get--people always say that once you do like yourself, and become your own person, others will see it and be attracted to it. I just don't understand why guys don't seem to ever ask me out or anything. I'm friends with a lot of guys, and I feel comfortable around them. But one guy I had a crush on a while ago, he liked this girl who wouldn't even talk to him. I just don't get it--why do these guys find these other girls more attractive than me? When I feel like I have what they are looking for, why is it they just don't seem interested in being more than friends? Why is it so hard to be happy about being single sometimes? What can I do to cheer myself up when I'm feeling down about it? Have you ever had a boyfriend since then?
Thanks so much for your help!
Mary
 
First of all, I think that we might in fact be the same person. You have many of the same opinions as I do!
I’d like to just say that although I do stand by what I wrote in the article, I feel down occasionally when all of my girlfriends are going on and on about their boyfriends. I am seventeen as well and, like you, I’ve never even kissed a guy. 
For most of my junior year, I couldn’t quite understand why guys just didn’t like me. They were always interested in someone else and I always looked incredibly stupid when I told them that I liked them. And then, with much observation and a few words from my mom, I came to a conclusion: guys our age just don’t know how to handle our level of maturity and intelligence. I don’t think it’s arrogant at all for you to know that you’re smart. That’s a great quality to have. Guys are incredibly intimidated by smart girls. We make them feel inferior whether we mean to or not. Why? Because there is absolutely nothing more powerful or scary than an intelligent woman.
As an artist myself (more with music and writing) I tend to be more outspoken and open minded. Artists are intelligent, not always in the conventional ways, but in ways that say, “I know who I am!”
Many people our age have no idea who they are. They’re still trying to figure it out. I’m not sure about how you feel, but I know who I am and how I fit into this crazy world for the most part. This goes along with the whole intelligence thing. Guys don’t like seeming weak. Even if it’s all in their head, they may feel like the weaker part of the relationship when they see a successful and smart woman taking charge of her life.
I totally get what you mean when you say that you don’t understand why those guys see those other girls as more attractive. I don’t want to seem shallow, but sometimes when a guy I liked once shows me a picture of his current girlfriend, I just have to think, “Really?”
 
So, when you’re feeling down about it, try thinking about the future. I think about college and I smile. I know that there will be loads of guys there who are artists themselves and who are every bit as intelligent as I am. Frankly, if no guys your age can appreciate your smarts, they aren’t worth it!
Thank you again for the questions. I hope I was able to help in some way!
 
Peace, love, and pencils,
Sara

Say, Sara- Building A Blog

Say Sara,
How did you create such a fantastic blog?
I need some advice, I started blogging yesterday and with only one reader (who's one of my best friends) I feel like writing for ghosts :)
How can I get more readers? What can I do to better my blog?
I really admire you, you made a wonderful work in your blog, so I think you could help me:) Thanks:)
A Newbie And Supporter,
Cassandra  


Thank you very much for reading! I love hearing from my readers. It makes me all happy and junk :)
Pretty much everyone has a hard time with readers at first. But trust me, they will stumble across your blog eventually and if they like what they see? They'll probably stick around. 
After you've written a few posts, you might want to do some experimenting with the actual look of the blog. I recommend finding free blog backgrounds on sites such as Shabby Blogs, Dotty Dot Dot Designs, or sites similar to those. But, it's entirely up to you :)
After I had my blog for a few months, I realized that I actually did want to hear feedback on the things I was writing about and without readers, feedback is sort of hard to come by. 
So I started searching around for other teen bloggers, and I found a few. They read my stuff and followed and I did the same for them.
Also, posting a link to your blog on Facebook is a good way to start, although I don't blame you if you don't want people who see you every day to read your stuff. I know I didn't when I first got started. 


Also, don't forget to add labels to every post. Doing so gives search engines something to find and allows more people to come across your blog. (By the way, drop me a link to your blog in the comments!)


You may have already done this, but having multiple pages on your blog might be something fun for both you and your readers. I'm about to redo a few of mine and turn them into something new.
Offering a way for readers to contact you very simply and easily is a great way to connect to your audience. In fact, if I didn't have Say, Sara, then I probably wouldn't be talking to you right now and that would be stink-ish.
Also, making a blog button and a Facebook page should draw attention. 
If others really like your blog, they can grab your button and put it on their own page. 
I hope I was able to help you in some way :) 


Peace, Love, and Bowties-That-Are-Cool, 
Sara

Let's Talk About Boys...And the Word "Cool"

Boys are idiots but girls have a hard time accepting this fact.
We all want to live in a fantasy land where we get swept away by indie rockers with hearts of gold that don't want to be with anyone but us. Well, at least that's my fantasy land.
But in reality, or at least in my reality, boys are idiots.
I mean, they really are stupid. REALLY STUPID.

And for the occasional boy that reads this blog and is saying right now, "Sexist!", let me plead my case.
I know that not all guys are total idiots. In fact, I'm sure there are a lot of guys who actually have a brain and use it. But for the age group that I'm in, those guys are hard to come by.

And for the record, I'm tired of boys and the games they play. I don't understand why they can't just be straightforward and honest. And for the love of God, please stop using the word "Cool".
Word of advice for any guy reading this right now, delete that word from your vocabulary. I promise you, it'll pay off.
It's a terrible word. Boys think girls are confusing? Ha! Really? Because when I say, "Hey, we're catching a movie later. You should come with us!" and you say, "Cool." all I'm thinking is wth.
What does cool even mean in that context? Is it; "Cool, I'd love to come." or is it, "Cool, thanks for the invite, but I've got better things to do."
It's. Confusing.
So stop it.

Girls want guys who want to be around them. They don't want guys who give shady answers to everything.
Am I wrong in thinking this, girls?

So, from now on I'm not responding to texts with only the word, "cool". In fact I'm taking that pledge right now. Say no to cool!
We're worth more than one word answers, aren't we? :)

Peace, love, and popcorn,
 Sara

Say, Sara is late...again

I'm a procrastinator. A huge procrastinator. And the fact that I just recently got Skyrim....yeah..it might have something to do with it.
But, I promised I would answer all of your lovely questions, and so I will hold true to that :)


Question: Zebraunicornasiss writes:
Say Sara,
I’m trying to get my friend to break up with his girlfriend that’s cheating on him, (not because I like him- I don't) he’s trying to figure out what to do (stay with her or break up with her) And when I gave him the reasons why he should break up with her ( like I ask him if it's best for him and her), he translated it into why they should stay in a relationship. I know that the drama's going to get worse and he's going to end up heart broken. What should I do?  



Answer: Thank you for asking such a great question! I love when I have to put myself in other's shoes and see things through their eyes. I'll try my best to help you :)
It sounds like your friend must really like the girl he's with if he's willing to put up with cheating.
The thing about cheating, is that it isn't fair to either of the two people involved. I feel terrible for your friend, knowing that someone is openly cheating on you can be very hard. Personally, if I were in your situation I would be furious. If some idiot had the nerve to cheat on one of my friends? I'd probably have to kill them. Not literally of course, but I really would be very angry. I think that if I were you, I would stop trying to persuade your friend to break up with the girl, and talk directly to the said cheater.
Just talk to her, and demand to know why she's cheating on your friend. Make her know how much your friend likes her, and that he knows she's cheating on him. Don't let her get the easy way out! If you want to be extra mean, I'd say something like, "My friend is better off without you any way," or, my personal favorite, "You don't deserve him." OR the realllly mean route (this is coming from me, and I'm not a mean person...so it's really not THAT mean considering she's hurting him) "He can do better than you." BOOM. And then she'll be sorry she ever messed with you. I wouldn't tell your friend that you're going to talk to her though. But after you say something to her, I'd tell him exactly how it happened. Otherwise, the girl could make you out to be some crazy person. It's up to you, but when it comes to my friends being cheated on, I get very angry.
No one deserves to feel like they aren't good enough.

~Sara

Say Sara, Saturday on Monday

First of all, sorry for not having Say, Sara Saturday...I know all of you were sooo excited about that. Ha..I make myself laugh. Anyways, those of you who were gangsta' enough to send me a message had some pretty good questions. And I shall answer two of them now :) Why two? Because that's all I got this past week. 
My mail box is lonely people, it needs your questions and comments. 
So here goes nothing! *cracks knuckles* Let's do this thing!


Question: Zebraunicornasiss writes, "Say, Sara, what's the weirdest thing you've had a random stranger say to you?"


Answer: Oh wow, that's a tough one! People say strange things to me a lot... Does it count if they had a wrong number? Well that's what I'm going with. Some lady called my phone one day, screaming and cussing me out because apparently, I'd been at "the club" the night before and I went home with her boyfriend. 
Because of the fact that I did not wake up with a strange man in my bed, I was about 54% sure she had mistaken me for someone else. If you factor in that I've also never been clubbing and I'm also not a "dirty skank ho" then I'd say I was about 56% sure I was the wrong person. 
That insane woman called me back at least five times after that. I also get random calls from time to time from this one particular lady. She lives in an apartment and for some reason, thinks I'm suppose to come and fix her screwed up appliances. At least she always says sorry when she realizes she has the wrong number. I put her in my contacts, actually. She's filed under, "The Apartment Lady". :)


Question: A writer... writes, Say Sara,

I'm trying to be a writer, and I have the prologue and a third of the first chapter of my book written, and I have the ideas for some parts of the book, but I can't think of filler parts, like how my characters are supposed to meet each other... or team up :( any advice?

Answer: What a great question! I used to run into this problem a lot, but now I have a much easier time fixing it. When you feel like whatever idea you have is good enough to write an entire book about, then you really have something special. If you're going to invest a large portion of time focusing on bringing your characters to life, then the last thing you want is to run into problems. But, of course, problems are always just bound to happen. When I got the idea for the book I'm currently writing, it was weeks before I actually wrote any of it. I just had it stuck in my head until I finally just had to write it! 

The first thing that has to happen, is the story idea has to make sense to you. You can worry about making it make sense to everyone else later. Because you've just started writing your novel, I suggest that you take a step back and really think about where you want it to go. It took me a long time to realize a major point in my book. I had to go back and change a whole lot of things, but that's just how writing is. You are your biggest critic.

When it comes to filler parts (this is just my opinion, please don't hunt me down and kill me if it doesn't work for you) I usually try and think of things that inspire me. If you get frustrated, go out for a walk and just look around. Inspiration strikes in the strangest places... It is really hard sometimes to have characters meet for the first time. 

Because you have ideas for other parts of the books, go ahead and write them! 

The scenes that you feel compelled to write right off the bat are usually some of the best. 

Don't think that you just have to write things down the way they would happen, you can come back to the gaps and ill them in later :) 

I hope that helped! I know I have a rambling problem...

Peace, love, and awesome questions,

                                                     Sara

Block

I've never lacked inspiration. Whether in writing, photography, or music. I just never have. There's always been one more idea waiting at the back of my mind to be written down. Sometimes I feel like I'm sick of ideas.
Too many characters to keep up with at any one time.
But these days, I've just had one idea stuck in my head. The idea for the novel I'm currently fighting to finish.
I didn't reach the NaNoWriMo word count goal, but I figured I wouldn't be able to anyways. And I'm not the slightest bit disappointed. Because I have an idea that I really want to see through to the end.
I looked back over a few of the stories that I had started but never finished earlier, and it made me angry with myself. Some of those stories had the potential to be good books. But because I will never think that what I'm writing is good enough, they all got tossed in the trash.
And this time is no different. It isn't really a wall that I've hit in writing this story, but more of a big canyon that I have to figure out how to cross.
I know what's going to happen in this story, I have since the very start of writing it.
But sometimes, when I sit down to write a few scenes, I realize that there are holes in the plot.
Somehow, I just have to figure out how to fill them up.
And I don't want some stupid mediocre story that anyone could have thought up. I don't want a story that has been told a million times over. I especially don't want a cheesy love story with a bunch of useless drama.
Which is why I take so much time in everything that I write. I want my characters to have substance. I want them to be both easy to understand, and difficult to side with at the same time. I hope that made sense to someone.
I really just want to write a story that sticks with people. I don't want to be the next J.K. Rowling, I just want to write something that touches someone.
And going from the advice of my favorite author, Maggie Stiefvater, when you come to a place when your story isn't making much sense anymore, you should backtrack. Go back to the place in the story where you still had the right idea, and fix it. Even if it means going back to the very begging.
But don't give up.
And so that's what I'll do with this story. I'll keep the parts that make perfect sense, and I'll take out all of the useless information. All of the scenes that really had no impact on the plot as a whole.
That woman is an amazing role model, I swear. If it wasn't for her, I would have given up on this story a long time ago.

Peace, love, and canyons,
                                          Sara