A Post for Koas

I don’t have any pictures of us together goofing off, or just being nutters (heh), but you happen to be one of my greatest friends. As part one of your Christmas present, I’d like to write you a post in letter form that expresses my gratefulness for your existence.
Ready.
Set.
Go!

(Please enjoy this picture of Koas which I edited as a comic book panel.)
(Also, I stole it from his Facebook profile)
(I’m such a bad person)

Dear Koas/British Buddy/awesome guy,
                                                       I knew you were cool as soon as you killed me on Call of Duty. See, normally I might have been mad, but how can anyone be mad at someone who is not only hilarious, but also has an English accent? That’s right. You can’t. I know how annoying I must’ve been in the beginning when I could hardly understand what you were saying to me. I was naïve enough to think that every English person sounded like the actors on Harry Potter, but that is clearly not the case. For whatever reason, you continued to talk to the crazy American girl who is slightly mad and who can never finish sentences properly when she talks.
There are a few things I have learned from you, and I’m going to list those:

1. The time difference between here and Oxfordshire. Without even thinking anymore, I know what time it is for you vs. what time it is for me and the likelihood that you are still awake. Also, time differences suck. Majorly.
2. I now understand many British slang words. However cool they may be, I’d look stupid using them here, so I refrain.
3. Geography. Now I understand more about where things are located in England, and in Europe period.
4. Minecraft. You were the first person who told me about it, even before my friends knew of the beautiful game.
5. How much a postcard costs to mail. I love going to the post office and telling them that I need a letter mailed to England.
6. The cost of living in London. I have done extensive research on the matter, as I plan on living there one day.
7. How Americans are perceived in other countries.
8. How not every place on this planet is as close minded as some of the places I know.

You have an awesome taste in music as well, and you’ve introduced me to countless amazing bands which I listen to on a daily basis. Also, we are going to have to make a cover as soon as I get a mic and a reliable software, so prepare yourself, good sir.
You also give me hope for an amazing future. I know that sounds corny, but it’s true. When I think of all the places I’ll go and all of the amazing people that I’ll meet later in my life, it makes me so happy. Somehow, knowing you has made the world both even larger and even smaller than I had known before. Larger, because you have become the boy who lives in my computer and always has hilarious stories to tell me about life across the pond. Larger, because I can’t hop in my car and drive five minutes down the road to hang out with you. Smaller, because even though I know you’re thousands of miles away, it never feels like that to me. Smaller, because I was lucky enough to find such cool person on Xbox.
Thank you, Koas, for sticking around in my life and for making me laugh on my worst days. I know that I can be really crazy sometimes, but thanks for toughing it out anyway. You’re one of my best friends despite the time difference and the thousands of miles of ocean and land in between our separate parts of the globe.
Peace, love, and learning to type even faster,
Sara

Stronger Now

My anxiety is getting worse again.
That panicky, nagging, feeling at the back of my mind is back.
It's been getting worse for a while, but I've been pushing it away and pushing it away.
But eventually, the dam that I built in my mind to hold everything back, is going to break.
Here's to hoping that I'll be strong enough to build it right back again if it does.

I can't quite think of a way to sum up the feelings that I have, and I don't want to write them all out.
Basically, I do a lot of crying. And not the kind that is usually associated with my "Sara-ness" (crying over books, movies, shows...specifically the Doomsday episode of Doctor Who), but the kind that I hate the most. The kind of crying that I do whenever my anxiety gets really bad makes me feel weak and even more stupid than I probably already feel at the time.

I get so frustrated at myself for worrying over things that I know I have no control over.
With the new school year, it has gotten even worse.
But I have a secret weapon; something that I didn't have years ago, when I was at the lowest time in my life.
I have friends.

Real friends, too. Not the flaky ones I had back then.
Nope, I've got real ones.

To all of you who are the friends I'm speaking to: If this next week, this next month, or this entire school year is hard for me, please don't leave me by myself. I've been there before, and I don't want to ever go back to that awful place. If I turn into some sort of horribly reserved, cold person, know that I'm still in there somewhere. But that's worst case scenario, of course. I plan on pulling myself out of this, even if I have to go back to a psychologist. I'm stubborn enough to think that I can do all of this on my own, and that's probably ignorant of me, but I'm going to try it anyway. I've fought this battle before, I can do it again.
I'm stronger now than I was then.

So, if I fall off into a long silence or I start crying, please yell at me to get my crap together.

Peace, love, and novel writing,
Sara

Say, Sara- Staying Close

Say, Sara
When you graduate do you still plan on being close to your friends? 
-Anonymous 


Why yes, I do plan on staying close to them.
Paige and Elizabeth are like my sisters. I know that I annoy them from time to time, and that Paige gets tired of hearing about my latest nerd obsessions, but we all love each other dearly.
Those two girls can make me laugh even when I'm having a horrible day. We build each other up, create imaginary murder plots for the people who hurt us, and do the silliest things.
I honestly don't know what I would do without either of them.

Me and Cap'n!

When we go off to college and end up miles away from each other, I don't think anything will change.
At least I really hope not. I think they'll still be my favorite confidants. 
Assuming that I get married one day, I'll have them be my maids of honor because I could never choose just one of them :)


I know that people change and sometimes grow apart, but I feel like the second part is optional. 
People grow apart because one or both of them needs that change to make things better for themselves. 
Sometimes people can hold you back from greatness. They can knock you down, trample you, and still be unable to see what went wrong. But some people, the people who are better for you to be around, they will raise you up. They'll push you out of your comfort zone and allow you to reach goals in your life that you never thought possible. Those people are the kind of humans I like to surround myself with.
I don't see myself growing apart from Paige and Elizabeth. If they ever grew apart from me, I'd be pretty sad and I wouldn't really know what to do.

The three of us are like really mature kids.
I remember one day a year or two ago when Paige and I were bored out of our minds.
Sure, we could have played on the internet or watched TV, but what did we do? We ended up having the "Walnut Olympics" in my backyard.
We got out a bucket and threw huge walnuts at it from varying distances. We lined walnuts up on the picnic table and threw more walnuts at them to clear the table off. We even hung walnuts from clothes pins on the laundry line and tried to knock them off with other walnuts.
That was when I knew that Paige and I were pretty awesome people. Because who else has fun at like fifteen or fourteen years old by throwing around some walnuts? I think we could do the very same thing now and still have fun. :)

Paige, me, and my brother :)

In conclusion, I do plan on staying close to my friends after high school. And not just Paige and Elizabeth, but all of the wonderful people that I have come to know over the last couple of years.
I hope that no matter where we all end up in the world that we can make time for each other.

Peace, love, and skating,
Sara

Friends Are Friends

The other day my friends Koas and Olle were brought up in conversation and someone said, "But you met them on the internet" as if this fact somehow made our friendship less real.
To be honest, it bugged me quite a bit.

We live in a world where the people we meet do not always have to be seen in person.
We might meet them on an internet forum, Xbox Live, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, etc.
And, if they seem legit enough, we build relationships with them.
Or you might be stupid and fall for a con or something, but that's not what I'm talking about today.

Last November I met two people who I would later consider two of my very good friends.
I'll be honest, when I first started talking to them, I struggled with understanding what they were saying.
I guess that's my Southern American-ness coming back to bite me. :)

It was my best friend Paige who told me to get on Xbox that day. Her message read, "Get on Xbox! There are guys with accents! :)". And so I got on Xbox.
The Guys With Accents turned out to be Koas (he's English) and Olle ( he's Swedish), and I felt like an idiot because I kept having to say, "What?" because I couldn't understand them half the time. I don't remember if my accent caused them problems or not. :)

It didn't really make sense for me to have problems understanding Koas, I had grown up with Harry Potter and other shows or movies that had a primarily British cast. But for whatever reason, I was having issues and I felt reallly stupid.
It turned out not to matter though, I got used to both of their accents pretty fast. Occasionally, I still have problems with their slang :) 

We started talking on Skype, which is one of my favorite inventions. The biggest problem? The time difference. Koas is six hours ahead of me and Olle is seven hours ahead. So as soon as I got off the bus (this was before I could drive) I would make a beeline for my room and log on to talk to them.
Olle even tried to teach me some Swedish once. It turns out that I'm too American for his fancy pants language :)

The point is, it doesn't matter how you meet someone. Friends are friends, no matter how far away they are.
I tell Koas and Olle more than I tell some of my friends who live just down the street from me.
And, they never fail to make me laugh :)

Peace, love, and British Television,
Sara