Say, Sara- Boyfriends

Say Sara,
I'm 17. I just read your article for the Aiming Low website about not having to have a boyfriend . I know its from a while ago, but I was wondering if you could help me out a bit.
Usually, I feel the same as you: I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy. I can be happy on my own, being independent, and free from all the other things attached to having a boyfriend, etc. Recently I have been trying to focus a lot more on my art (which has been improving-yay!) and taking the time to read more and follow my passions. I've also been spending a lot of time with my best girlfriends, and I've opened up to making a lot more new friends in my school. I still have a lot I want to do, but I think I am making a good start.
But then there are some days where I just feel so down about not having a boyfriend. And it's not just having a boyfriend, it's the whole thing--I've never ever kissed a guy and I'm 17.
I am an independent person. I am happy with myself. I have great friends, a great family. I am outgoing, and I make friends easily, people think I am fun to be around. I'm pretty in my own way. I'm not the skinniest, I'm not the hottest, but I'm past all those body issues--I like the way I look. And I am pretty intelligent (please don't think I'm arrogant for saying all this, I am just being honest about what I think.) I do feel insecure sometimes, but who doesn't?
But that's the thing that I don't get--people always say that once you do like yourself, and become your own person, others will see it and be attracted to it. I just don't understand why guys don't seem to ever ask me out or anything. I'm friends with a lot of guys, and I feel comfortable around them. But one guy I had a crush on a while ago, he liked this girl who wouldn't even talk to him. I just don't get it--why do these guys find these other girls more attractive than me? When I feel like I have what they are looking for, why is it they just don't seem interested in being more than friends? Why is it so hard to be happy about being single sometimes? What can I do to cheer myself up when I'm feeling down about it? Have you ever had a boyfriend since then?
Thanks so much for your help!
Mary
 
First of all, I think that we might in fact be the same person. You have many of the same opinions as I do!
I’d like to just say that although I do stand by what I wrote in the article, I feel down occasionally when all of my girlfriends are going on and on about their boyfriends. I am seventeen as well and, like you, I’ve never even kissed a guy. 
For most of my junior year, I couldn’t quite understand why guys just didn’t like me. They were always interested in someone else and I always looked incredibly stupid when I told them that I liked them. And then, with much observation and a few words from my mom, I came to a conclusion: guys our age just don’t know how to handle our level of maturity and intelligence. I don’t think it’s arrogant at all for you to know that you’re smart. That’s a great quality to have. Guys are incredibly intimidated by smart girls. We make them feel inferior whether we mean to or not. Why? Because there is absolutely nothing more powerful or scary than an intelligent woman.
As an artist myself (more with music and writing) I tend to be more outspoken and open minded. Artists are intelligent, not always in the conventional ways, but in ways that say, “I know who I am!”
Many people our age have no idea who they are. They’re still trying to figure it out. I’m not sure about how you feel, but I know who I am and how I fit into this crazy world for the most part. This goes along with the whole intelligence thing. Guys don’t like seeming weak. Even if it’s all in their head, they may feel like the weaker part of the relationship when they see a successful and smart woman taking charge of her life.
I totally get what you mean when you say that you don’t understand why those guys see those other girls as more attractive. I don’t want to seem shallow, but sometimes when a guy I liked once shows me a picture of his current girlfriend, I just have to think, “Really?”
 
So, when you’re feeling down about it, try thinking about the future. I think about college and I smile. I know that there will be loads of guys there who are artists themselves and who are every bit as intelligent as I am. Frankly, if no guys your age can appreciate your smarts, they aren’t worth it!
Thank you again for the questions. I hope I was able to help in some way!
 
Peace, love, and pencils,
Sara

Say, Sara- Successful?

Wow, I have definitely neglected my Say, Sara page for a while but it’s great to see that a few of you have sent in great questions! For those who have no idea what Say, Sara is you should click the link on the navigation bar and shoot me an email if you feel so inclined. The question that I  will be answering today has to do with blogging in general”

QUESTION TIME!
When did you first realize that your blog was successful?
(To me, a successful blog is one that has at least 50 followers/members, preferably ones you don't know.)
~Chynna

When I first began writing my blog I was so excited when I was able to say that I had five followers. Gaining followers to a blog is much more difficult than gaining followers on Twitter; therefore, it takes a bit more patience and time to know that what you want to say is being heard.
I considered my blog successful when I received an email from a reader that said something along the lines of how my words had inspired them. This made me feel amazing! Knowing that my words could reach even a single person was a fantastic achievement for me and still remains one of my greatest motivations in my life. That one message, and the many others that followed it, made me realize that I had something that could be considered valuable to some. I love reaching out to younger audiences as well. It makes me feel as though I have been able to help them through some of their bad days when I write something about being bullied or standing up for what’s right.
With all of that being said, I consider my blog an achievement on the basis that if I could make a difference for a single life, then I have done something worthwhile.

Thank you for the question!
Peace, love, and optimism,
Sara

If you would like to ask a personal question, ask for advice, or find out why my favorite food is sushi check out the Say, Sara page and hit me up!

Say, Sara- Building A Blog

Say Sara,
How did you create such a fantastic blog?
I need some advice, I started blogging yesterday and with only one reader (who's one of my best friends) I feel like writing for ghosts :)
How can I get more readers? What can I do to better my blog?
I really admire you, you made a wonderful work in your blog, so I think you could help me:) Thanks:)
A Newbie And Supporter,
Cassandra  


Thank you very much for reading! I love hearing from my readers. It makes me all happy and junk :)
Pretty much everyone has a hard time with readers at first. But trust me, they will stumble across your blog eventually and if they like what they see? They'll probably stick around. 
After you've written a few posts, you might want to do some experimenting with the actual look of the blog. I recommend finding free blog backgrounds on sites such as Shabby Blogs, Dotty Dot Dot Designs, or sites similar to those. But, it's entirely up to you :)
After I had my blog for a few months, I realized that I actually did want to hear feedback on the things I was writing about and without readers, feedback is sort of hard to come by. 
So I started searching around for other teen bloggers, and I found a few. They read my stuff and followed and I did the same for them.
Also, posting a link to your blog on Facebook is a good way to start, although I don't blame you if you don't want people who see you every day to read your stuff. I know I didn't when I first got started. 


Also, don't forget to add labels to every post. Doing so gives search engines something to find and allows more people to come across your blog. (By the way, drop me a link to your blog in the comments!)


You may have already done this, but having multiple pages on your blog might be something fun for both you and your readers. I'm about to redo a few of mine and turn them into something new.
Offering a way for readers to contact you very simply and easily is a great way to connect to your audience. In fact, if I didn't have Say, Sara, then I probably wouldn't be talking to you right now and that would be stink-ish.
Also, making a blog button and a Facebook page should draw attention. 
If others really like your blog, they can grab your button and put it on their own page. 
I hope I was able to help you in some way :) 


Peace, Love, and Bowties-That-Are-Cool, 
Sara

Say, Sara- On Rumors

Say, Sara
How do you stay so strong!? Your so committed to your blog, and your music. I don't even know you, and your like my ideal! I check your blog almost every day. Just to see what you have to say! I hope you continue your blog forever! It makes me cry, and laugh (sometimes at the same time)! :). So, I was wondering, There is this nasty rumor going around my home town about me... I don't even want to show my face anymore! :(. What do I do? How can I stop it!?


A lover of your work,
Melia 

Thank you for saying those things :) It makes me extremely happy to know that someone understands what I'm writing about.
I only consider myself strong sometimes. No one can be strong all the time because at some point in all of our lives something will break us. The only thing that really matters is how we put ourselves back together.
As for my blog and my music, I look to writing (both music and stories that I can never get quite right) as a way to think. When I write, I never know exactly what the outcome might be, I just know that I have to get my thoughts onto paper.

Now, to answer your question.
I wish that I could tell you the exact solution to stopping a hurtful rumor. Sadly, there isn't a real way.
What I can tell you, is that you are stronger than the words of people who don't know what they're talking about. I've been the victim of rumors in the past and it is definitely not a fun place to be in.
People are so quick to assume that whatever they hear from someone else is true. People are also quick to judge you based on these things.

When I was in middle school, people were not very nice to me. I was (and still am) a weird kid.
I got called awful names, and if you might recall from an earlier post, a particularly hateful girl spat on my shoes.
Later, just last year, someone told me that they were only mean to me because they had heard something about me from someone else. Needless to say, that person is not my friend anymore.

So how do you beat the rumor?
Be so much better than the idiots who are spreading it around.
Be strong, be wise, and most of all, be brave.

People who spread rumors do it for attention. They do it to single out someone they might label as weak.
But guess what? You aren't weak.
You have more strength than all of the people who believed in and spread that rumor.
Why? Because you heard those things being said about you, and you kept going.

Never let anyone's idea of you define who you are. Rise above their ignorance and make them regret the things they've said by setting an example of epic coolness. :)

Peace, love, and battle scars,
Sara

Say, Sara is late...again

I'm a procrastinator. A huge procrastinator. And the fact that I just recently got Skyrim....yeah..it might have something to do with it.
But, I promised I would answer all of your lovely questions, and so I will hold true to that :)


Question: Zebraunicornasiss writes:
Say Sara,
I’m trying to get my friend to break up with his girlfriend that’s cheating on him, (not because I like him- I don't) he’s trying to figure out what to do (stay with her or break up with her) And when I gave him the reasons why he should break up with her ( like I ask him if it's best for him and her), he translated it into why they should stay in a relationship. I know that the drama's going to get worse and he's going to end up heart broken. What should I do?  



Answer: Thank you for asking such a great question! I love when I have to put myself in other's shoes and see things through their eyes. I'll try my best to help you :)
It sounds like your friend must really like the girl he's with if he's willing to put up with cheating.
The thing about cheating, is that it isn't fair to either of the two people involved. I feel terrible for your friend, knowing that someone is openly cheating on you can be very hard. Personally, if I were in your situation I would be furious. If some idiot had the nerve to cheat on one of my friends? I'd probably have to kill them. Not literally of course, but I really would be very angry. I think that if I were you, I would stop trying to persuade your friend to break up with the girl, and talk directly to the said cheater.
Just talk to her, and demand to know why she's cheating on your friend. Make her know how much your friend likes her, and that he knows she's cheating on him. Don't let her get the easy way out! If you want to be extra mean, I'd say something like, "My friend is better off without you any way," or, my personal favorite, "You don't deserve him." OR the realllly mean route (this is coming from me, and I'm not a mean person...so it's really not THAT mean considering she's hurting him) "He can do better than you." BOOM. And then she'll be sorry she ever messed with you. I wouldn't tell your friend that you're going to talk to her though. But after you say something to her, I'd tell him exactly how it happened. Otherwise, the girl could make you out to be some crazy person. It's up to you, but when it comes to my friends being cheated on, I get very angry.
No one deserves to feel like they aren't good enough.

~Sara

Say Sara, Saturday on Monday

First of all, sorry for not having Say, Sara Saturday...I know all of you were sooo excited about that. Ha..I make myself laugh. Anyways, those of you who were gangsta' enough to send me a message had some pretty good questions. And I shall answer two of them now :) Why two? Because that's all I got this past week. 
My mail box is lonely people, it needs your questions and comments. 
So here goes nothing! *cracks knuckles* Let's do this thing!


Question: Zebraunicornasiss writes, "Say, Sara, what's the weirdest thing you've had a random stranger say to you?"


Answer: Oh wow, that's a tough one! People say strange things to me a lot... Does it count if they had a wrong number? Well that's what I'm going with. Some lady called my phone one day, screaming and cussing me out because apparently, I'd been at "the club" the night before and I went home with her boyfriend. 
Because of the fact that I did not wake up with a strange man in my bed, I was about 54% sure she had mistaken me for someone else. If you factor in that I've also never been clubbing and I'm also not a "dirty skank ho" then I'd say I was about 56% sure I was the wrong person. 
That insane woman called me back at least five times after that. I also get random calls from time to time from this one particular lady. She lives in an apartment and for some reason, thinks I'm suppose to come and fix her screwed up appliances. At least she always says sorry when she realizes she has the wrong number. I put her in my contacts, actually. She's filed under, "The Apartment Lady". :)


Question: A writer... writes, Say Sara,

I'm trying to be a writer, and I have the prologue and a third of the first chapter of my book written, and I have the ideas for some parts of the book, but I can't think of filler parts, like how my characters are supposed to meet each other... or team up :( any advice?

Answer: What a great question! I used to run into this problem a lot, but now I have a much easier time fixing it. When you feel like whatever idea you have is good enough to write an entire book about, then you really have something special. If you're going to invest a large portion of time focusing on bringing your characters to life, then the last thing you want is to run into problems. But, of course, problems are always just bound to happen. When I got the idea for the book I'm currently writing, it was weeks before I actually wrote any of it. I just had it stuck in my head until I finally just had to write it! 

The first thing that has to happen, is the story idea has to make sense to you. You can worry about making it make sense to everyone else later. Because you've just started writing your novel, I suggest that you take a step back and really think about where you want it to go. It took me a long time to realize a major point in my book. I had to go back and change a whole lot of things, but that's just how writing is. You are your biggest critic.

When it comes to filler parts (this is just my opinion, please don't hunt me down and kill me if it doesn't work for you) I usually try and think of things that inspire me. If you get frustrated, go out for a walk and just look around. Inspiration strikes in the strangest places... It is really hard sometimes to have characters meet for the first time. 

Because you have ideas for other parts of the books, go ahead and write them! 

The scenes that you feel compelled to write right off the bat are usually some of the best. 

Don't think that you just have to write things down the way they would happen, you can come back to the gaps and ill them in later :) 

I hope that helped! I know I have a rambling problem...

Peace, love, and awesome questions,

                                                     Sara