Thursday, June 13, 2013

Say, Sara- Boyfriends

Say Sara,
I'm 17. I just read your article for the Aiming Low website about not having to have a boyfriend . I know its from a while ago, but I was wondering if you could help me out a bit.
Usually, I feel the same as you: I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy. I can be happy on my own, being independent, and free from all the other things attached to having a boyfriend, etc. Recently I have been trying to focus a lot more on my art (which has been improving-yay!) and taking the time to read more and follow my passions. I've also been spending a lot of time with my best girlfriends, and I've opened up to making a lot more new friends in my school. I still have a lot I want to do, but I think I am making a good start.

But then there are some days where I just feel so down about not having a boyfriend. And it's not just having a boyfriend, it's the whole thing--I've never ever kissed a guy and I'm 17.
I am an independent person. I am happy with myself. I have great friends, a great family. I am outgoing, and I make friends easily, people think I am fun to be around. I'm pretty in my own way. I'm not the skinniest, I'm not the hottest, but I'm past all those body issues--I like the way I look. And I am pretty intelligent (please don't think I'm arrogant for saying all this, I am just being honest about what I think.) I do feel insecure sometimes, but who doesn't?
But that's the thing that I don't get--people always say that once you do like yourself, and become your own person, others will see it and be attracted to it. I just don't understand why guys don't seem to ever ask me out or anything. I'm friends with a lot of guys, and I feel comfortable around them. But one guy I had a crush on a while ago, he liked this girl who wouldn't even talk to him. I just don't get it--why do these guys find these other girls more attractive than me? When I feel like I have what they are looking for, why is it they just don't seem interested in being more than friends? Why is it so hard to be happy about being single sometimes? What can I do to cheer myself up when I'm feeling down about it? Have you ever had a boyfriend since then?
Thanks so much for your help!
First of all, I think that we might in fact be the same person. You have many of the same opinions as I do!
I’d like to just say that although I do stand by what I wrote in the article, I feel down occasionally when all of my girlfriends are going on and on about their boyfriends. I am seventeen as well and, like you, I’ve never even kissed a guy. 
For most of my junior year, I couldn’t quite understand why guys just didn’t like me. They were always interested in someone else and I always looked incredibly stupid when I told them that I liked them. And then, with much observation and a few words from my mom, I came to a conclusion: guys our age just don’t know how to handle our level of maturity and intelligence. I don’t think it’s arrogant at all for you to know that you’re smart. That’s a great quality to have. Guys are incredibly intimidated by smart girls. We make them feel inferior whether we mean to or not. Why? Because there is absolutely nothing more powerful or scary than an intelligent woman.
As an artist myself (more with music and writing) I tend to be more outspoken and open minded. Artists are intelligent, not always in the conventional ways, but in ways that say, “I know who I am!”
Many people our age have no idea who they are. They’re still trying to figure it out. I’m not sure about how you feel, but I know who I am and how I fit into this crazy world for the most part. This goes along with the whole intelligence thing. Guys don’t like seeming weak. Even if it’s all in their head, they may feel like the weaker part of the relationship when they see a successful and smart woman taking charge of her life.
I totally get what you mean when you say that you don’t understand why those guys see those other girls as more attractive. I don’t want to seem shallow, but sometimes when a guy I liked once shows me a picture of his current girlfriend, I just have to think, “Really?”
So, when you’re feeling down about it, try thinking about the future. I think about college and I smile. I know that there will be loads of guys there who are artists themselves and who are every bit as intelligent as I am. Frankly, if no guys your age can appreciate your smarts, they aren’t worth it!
Thank you again for the questions. I hope I was able to help in some way!
Peace, love, and pencils,


  1. Thanks, I do feel a lot better!!! And that's so true--there's always college. :) I guess it's just a waiting game, waiting for guys' maturity to catch up, waiting for someone to notice you, but then I suppose patience is a good thing to learn.
    It was so crazy when I looked at your article & blog, I thought "Oh my gosh, I feel like she is taking the words right out of my head"--isn't it funny how you can connect without even meeting someone? I'll keep reading your blog, keep up the good work!

    1. I just had a thought, I should sign off like this instead:

      Peace, love, and patience,