Today=Surprising

Today was the high school talent show. I didn't plan on signing up to begin with, but my friends talked me into it. So I finally gave in.
There were so many great acts today! When I heard that it would be judged, I decided not to care. I figured, Meh, people in the audience will judge me anyways, who cares about the judges?! I'm not in this to win!
And it's the truth, I was in it just to conquer my fear of singing, standing, talking, etc. in front of a whole bunch of people. And I have to say, when it was over, I was proud of myself.
I'm so hard on myself most of the time, but seeing the way people reacted, I don't know how to describe it.
It made me so simply happy that there were this many people acknowledging that Quiet Sara is actually more than Quiet Sara. (If that makes any sense).
And when I was up there, I forgot. I forgot about the hundreds of students, teachers, and parents watching me. I forgot about the lights that were blinding me. I forgot about everything. It was just me in my room, singing my brother to sleep. I wrote that song originally when my brother asked me to make up a song that was happy and sad at the same time. So I tried my best, and came up with this :)

When I was done with my song, so many people stood up and gave me a standing ovation. I thought I was going to just start crying right then and there. I've always loved singing, and when I got up there today I was listing things in my head that I had to redeem myself for:

1. Choking on my own spit while singing the National Anthem in front of all the veterans. 
2. In sixth grade when one of my "friends" said, "You aren't all that good at singing." 
3. Being so nervous while singing Blowing in the Wind for the guitar show, that I had to physically hold my own arm to keep it from shaking. 
4. Those awful youtube videos I posted (they are now deleted) from when I first started wanting feedback. I'll remake them at a later time. 
5. "Why would you post videos of your singing online?" Thanks for that, by the way. It gave me the anger I needed to get up there and sing. 

When I left school early, my phone started blowing up. "You did so good! I had no idea you could sing like that!" And then, my phone dinged again. When I opened the message? I found out that I had won.
I won something. 
I couldn't even sit still for about thirty minutes.
At the game tonight, people kept coming up to me and congratulating me. It was surreal.
I'm quiet. I tend to like staying unnoticed.  But today everyone seemed to see me. It was quite frightening, to say the least. But a good kind of scary :)
Don't  ever let anyone hold you back, do what you want and don't be too hard on yourself! Sometimes, you just have to accept the compliments. I learned this the hard way :)

Peace, Love, and Nervousness,
                                                  Sara

Speed Pee

You all probably looked at the title and thought, wth? And for the majority of the post...you're still going to think that :)

There are a total of five minutes in between classes at my school, which means that if you have to pee? Forget about it. It ain't happenin'. So when I come back from lunch and hurry to get to Hell (aka Geometry), I throw my stuff down and make a dash for the convenient closet type bathroom in the actual room. It's one of those bathrooms where you feel like you have to be about 30 pounds just to fit inside it.
Is anyone else always late for class thanks to their bladder? Fear not, slightly grossed out readers! I give you the secret to speed peeing. (Guys, you don't even have to read this. You have it easier than us.)

Step one: Never, ever, wait in line. Just push right on through all of those freshman clogging up the mirrors and find yourself a stall!

Step two: Don't let someone beat you to the said stall. If they do, kindly explain to them that your bladder is about to explode if you don't go pee right this moment. Or you can say that you're going to be sick. That usually makes people flee.

Step three: Once in the stall, waste no time on hanging your purse on the little hook that sometimes isn't on the back of the door. Throw your purse on the ground! But obviously not if the ground is nasty. No one wants a purse with chewed, slobbery gum all over the bottom.

Step four: Once on the toilet, play this song in your head. It makes sure you don't take your sweet time :)

Step four: Flush the toilet with the bottom of your shoe (like a ninja) and grab your purse. It's time for the mad dash back to class :)

Peace, love, and stalls that don't lock,
                                                          Sara

Jerks, Idiots, and other Fun Topics

Today in my reading class, I remembered why exactly I hate people so much. My friend Dylan says that he and I are cynics. I prefer the term "realist". Because I realize that have of my class as a whole won't graduate college, will probably be stuck in this tiny town forever, will have kids before they should, etc. It seems to be the pattern at least.

On to the actual post :)

Today in my Geometry class, a subject invented by the devil, I had to sit practically fuming over a conversation between my teacher and this girl that really gets on my last nerve.
The conversation went like this:

Teacher: What are you reading, Gertrude?
G: *Huff* *puff* Of Mice and Men, the worst book ever. It's the second week of school and I've already had to read two books. Can you believe that?

(In the two weeks that we've been in  school, I've read about five books. Just saying.)

Teacher: Oh, God, I wanted to shoot myself when I read that  book. It was so terrible.
G: I know! Reading is so useless. I don't even understand why we have to do it.

( Yeah, I don't understand why we have to read either! I mean, come on, education is so lame. Honestly I feel sorry for Idiot-Gertrude. She obviously isn't going anywhere in life. And she wants to be a teacher. Oh how I love reading teachers who think reading is pointless.)

Teacher: Exactly. I've always hated reading, when I was in college I almost failed my literature classes.

(Here we have the geometry  teacher agreeing that reading is pointless, yet she teaches a subject used only by people in certain fields. Reading however, is used no matter what job you have. Idiots.)

G: Oh that's awful. I had to read Lord of the Flies and The Hunger Games over the summer. While I was in Europe.

(Oh you poor, poor child. You had to read books while in Europe? How positively heart broken you must be. You know, there are millions of kids that would love to know how to read. They would love to just get their hands on a single book, no matter if it was about stupid boys running around on an island. They would love to simply learn, and you throw all of this knowledge away. Those children, and any children that have a strong desire to know, well, each of them are worth a hundred of you.)

Teacher: That's awful! I hated  Lord of the Flies. Little boys? Running around on an island? I mean, come on!

And this, dear readers, is our world. In the words of Ellen DeGeneres, it's full of the wrong type of people. Hahaha, oh you have to love her :)

Sorry for the negativity of this post, but that infuriated me. You have know idea how close I was to standing on my desk (like in Dead Poet's Society) and making a big speech about why reading and literature are important. Did I? No, because I'm in a school full of idiots, and I would have had to carefully choose my words to make sure that none of them were more than two syllables.

Peace, love, and learning as much as you can,
                                                                         Sara

Say, Sara is late...again

I'm a procrastinator. A huge procrastinator. And the fact that I just recently got Skyrim....yeah..it might have something to do with it.
But, I promised I would answer all of your lovely questions, and so I will hold true to that :)


Question: Zebraunicornasiss writes:
Say Sara,
I’m trying to get my friend to break up with his girlfriend that’s cheating on him, (not because I like him- I don't) he’s trying to figure out what to do (stay with her or break up with her) And when I gave him the reasons why he should break up with her ( like I ask him if it's best for him and her), he translated it into why they should stay in a relationship. I know that the drama's going to get worse and he's going to end up heart broken. What should I do?  



Answer: Thank you for asking such a great question! I love when I have to put myself in other's shoes and see things through their eyes. I'll try my best to help you :)
It sounds like your friend must really like the girl he's with if he's willing to put up with cheating.
The thing about cheating, is that it isn't fair to either of the two people involved. I feel terrible for your friend, knowing that someone is openly cheating on you can be very hard. Personally, if I were in your situation I would be furious. If some idiot had the nerve to cheat on one of my friends? I'd probably have to kill them. Not literally of course, but I really would be very angry. I think that if I were you, I would stop trying to persuade your friend to break up with the girl, and talk directly to the said cheater.
Just talk to her, and demand to know why she's cheating on your friend. Make her know how much your friend likes her, and that he knows she's cheating on him. Don't let her get the easy way out! If you want to be extra mean, I'd say something like, "My friend is better off without you any way," or, my personal favorite, "You don't deserve him." OR the realllly mean route (this is coming from me, and I'm not a mean person...so it's really not THAT mean considering she's hurting him) "He can do better than you." BOOM. And then she'll be sorry she ever messed with you. I wouldn't tell your friend that you're going to talk to her though. But after you say something to her, I'd tell him exactly how it happened. Otherwise, the girl could make you out to be some crazy person. It's up to you, but when it comes to my friends being cheated on, I get very angry.
No one deserves to feel like they aren't good enough.

~Sara

Letter number two: Memories of sun and rain

Dear Ballpark Day,

That day the rain came out of no where. It poured out of the previously sunny sky like someone had turned a giant water tap as far as it would go. It beat down on the slanted roof of the concession stand. It showered across the baseball fields and everyone seemed to forget why we'd been there in the first place. Some people ran under the cover of the small over hangs, others ran the long distance back to their cars. All games were called off due to the surprise rain storm. The usual drab looking ball park had been transformed into a sort of watery wonderland in mere minutes. 

Water built up in large puddles on the concrete. Children laughed wildly, we were among them. We were soaked through and through, but we ran, happy and care free through the puddles. Mom wanted to leave right then, but we stalled for time. Racing around the ballpark without a single care in the world. 

Our hair was drenched. I didn't stop running even to wring mine out. The dust from the baseball fields had turned  into thick reddish mud. The players slipped and slid in it, trying to get as dirty as they possibly could. 

The sun shone through the thick rain clouds in places, coloring the entire scene in a yellowish-brown hue. 

And as the rain began to subside, gone as quickly as it had come, we stood at the corner of an over hang. Letting the water drip down on us. The two of us looked as if we had jumped into the river with all of our clothes on. When the rain had gone and it was time to go, we clambered into the backseat and sat in our soaked clothes.
If there were a jar filled with my favorite days, that would be one of them.

                             I'll always remember, 

                                                  Sara

Say Sara, Saturday on Monday

First of all, sorry for not having Say, Sara Saturday...I know all of you were sooo excited about that. Ha..I make myself laugh. Anyways, those of you who were gangsta' enough to send me a message had some pretty good questions. And I shall answer two of them now :) Why two? Because that's all I got this past week. 
My mail box is lonely people, it needs your questions and comments. 
So here goes nothing! *cracks knuckles* Let's do this thing!


Question: Zebraunicornasiss writes, "Say, Sara, what's the weirdest thing you've had a random stranger say to you?"


Answer: Oh wow, that's a tough one! People say strange things to me a lot... Does it count if they had a wrong number? Well that's what I'm going with. Some lady called my phone one day, screaming and cussing me out because apparently, I'd been at "the club" the night before and I went home with her boyfriend. 
Because of the fact that I did not wake up with a strange man in my bed, I was about 54% sure she had mistaken me for someone else. If you factor in that I've also never been clubbing and I'm also not a "dirty skank ho" then I'd say I was about 56% sure I was the wrong person. 
That insane woman called me back at least five times after that. I also get random calls from time to time from this one particular lady. She lives in an apartment and for some reason, thinks I'm suppose to come and fix her screwed up appliances. At least she always says sorry when she realizes she has the wrong number. I put her in my contacts, actually. She's filed under, "The Apartment Lady". :)


Question: A writer... writes, Say Sara,

I'm trying to be a writer, and I have the prologue and a third of the first chapter of my book written, and I have the ideas for some parts of the book, but I can't think of filler parts, like how my characters are supposed to meet each other... or team up :( any advice?

Answer: What a great question! I used to run into this problem a lot, but now I have a much easier time fixing it. When you feel like whatever idea you have is good enough to write an entire book about, then you really have something special. If you're going to invest a large portion of time focusing on bringing your characters to life, then the last thing you want is to run into problems. But, of course, problems are always just bound to happen. When I got the idea for the book I'm currently writing, it was weeks before I actually wrote any of it. I just had it stuck in my head until I finally just had to write it! 

The first thing that has to happen, is the story idea has to make sense to you. You can worry about making it make sense to everyone else later. Because you've just started writing your novel, I suggest that you take a step back and really think about where you want it to go. It took me a long time to realize a major point in my book. I had to go back and change a whole lot of things, but that's just how writing is. You are your biggest critic.

When it comes to filler parts (this is just my opinion, please don't hunt me down and kill me if it doesn't work for you) I usually try and think of things that inspire me. If you get frustrated, go out for a walk and just look around. Inspiration strikes in the strangest places... It is really hard sometimes to have characters meet for the first time. 

Because you have ideas for other parts of the books, go ahead and write them! 

The scenes that you feel compelled to write right off the bat are usually some of the best. 

Don't think that you just have to write things down the way they would happen, you can come back to the gaps and ill them in later :) 

I hope that helped! I know I have a rambling problem...

Peace, love, and awesome questions,

                                                     Sara

Letter number one: A Goodbye

I've decided to start writing letters sometimes to people that won't ever read them. Some of you will know exactly who I'm talking about, and others won't. But that's the point. It's letters that won't ever be read by the person they are written for.
Here is my first letter. I'll try to make it easy to understand what happened to those of you who don't know me personally. It's going to be a lot harder to write this than I thought.

Dear 3rd grade,

I don't know what happened to us, I really and truly don't. I know that we've both had hard times. I know that you weren't there when I needed you. Scratch that. You're never there period. You never stand up for me, ever. In fact, half the time, you're one of the ones that knocks me down.
When we were in third grade, I had the biggest crush on you. I still had a crush on you in the fourth grade, part of fifth, and at some point during sixth. I never wanted to give up on you.
An a part of me still doesn't want to give up. But I don't like you in the same way anymore. Actually, for a while last year I thought I liked you until I realized that I can't depend on you. The friends that I surround myself with are stable. They're the rocks that I can hold onto when things get tough for me. And, I'm sure you don't know this because you don't care, but things get tough for me a lot. I make things tough for myself.
For all of last semester, I wanted you to just accept me. Just accept me as a friend. That's all I wanted from you. And you couldn't even do that much. One day you told me, "I'm so awful to people, I don't know how I have friends." And I laughed, and said that you have friends because you're a good person. I still stand by that. I think you're a great person. You just probably aren't the type of person that can handle all of my craziness, and at the end of the day still be my friend. All you ever do is make fun of me. My laugh, how silly I am, etc. I don't need that. I don't need someone like that in my life.  You don't even know the first thing about me. You don't know how hard it is for me to even be myself around people. You take me for granted, and I don't deserve that.
My best friend told me in the car today, "I tried hard to like him because you clearly still hang out with him, but the way he treats you makes me mad." Or something along those lines, I don't remember word for word.
And you know what? She's exactly right. When it comes to trusting people, sure it takes me a while, but once I trust someone it's hard for me to back away from them.
I have told you so much. I used to come home and look forward to getting on facebook just to vent about something to you. And now we hardly speak.
It's amazing to me, how we were so close years ago, and now you just don't care.
All I wanted, was for us to be back to the way we used to be. It used to be so easy to talk to you, and now it's like talking to a wall. I never know which side of you I might be talking to. I never know where I stand.
Now I know that, as much as I hate it, I have to give up on you.
When I started trying to be your friend again in the sixth grade, you pushed me away. I had no friends, no one to talk to, I was miserable. And you pushed me away.
You were so wrapped up in your music. And you're great, don't get me wrong. It's everything to you. It takes up so much of your  life, that you don't even see the people around you. I love music, I love so many things, but my friends and family? They always come first. I love them more than anything. They've made me who I am today. Someone that isn't afraid to stand up for herself when no one else will.
You say things sometimes so sarcastic and hateful, that it's hard to tell if you're kidding. You told me that you didn't know who would marry someone like me. Thanks for that by the way. It really boosted my self esteem.
Practically right up through the roof.
And when I was sad about that, when I let that get to me, I didn't show it. It was Kimberlee that said something. And you acted as if we should have known you were kidding. You told me, "You can't act like a sensitive girl when you hang around this many guys."
Thanks a lot dear sir, but I think I can handle myself just fine around guys. They do make up most of my friends. Never once, have any of my other guy friends hurt my feelings the way that you hurt my feelings every single day.
And I won't let it happen anymore. Because I'm done with you. I'm done with wanting you to accept me.
You've had a billion chances to just treat me like a friend, and you've failed every single time.
You let me down.
The funny thing is, I can't bring myself to hate you. I can't even dislike you. I can't bring myself to hate something I used to love, more as a friend than anything else.
If you ever read this, I think you might laugh at me. Go ahead and laugh, I'm done with you.
I'm done with you not accepting me. I'm done with you not appreciating me.
If you can find it in yourself to be a man and say you're sorry for all of this, go for it. But you should know that even if you did, it would be a very long time until I trusted you again.


                         I tried,
                              Someone that used to think the world of you

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the first day of second semester. Am I thrilled about it? No. I am entirely stressed out about it and it hasn't even started.
But, I'm trying my best to look on the bright side. And so, I am going to make a list of the pros and the cons about the upcoming semester.

Pros

• It's a chance to become better friends with people. 
• I have at least one friend in all of my classes..except Biology, but I'm sure someone I can tolerate will be in there. 
• I've missed English class, and I sort of miss having to try to get an A. 
• I know I'll pass every class, because contrary to what some of you might think, I'm actually intelligent. Unlike half of the people in my school. I'm just not good at math. And honestly? I could care less. I'm not going into any career that requires ridiculous calculus or anything. I make sure I pass it, and that's all. 
• I love Biology, so I'm not worried about that. Even though I've never taken a Biology class, I've watched a ton of documentaries and read a crap load a books about it. Yes I know, I'm the only fifteen year old you know that watches documentaries. 
• I'm excited to learn new things, as always. 
• I have a new style! And I have a better outlook on life :)

Cons

• I'll probably need to learn how to study...something I've never ever had to do before. And I know what you're probably thinking. How have you never studied and passed? I just don't forget what the teacher says...as long as it interests me. If it's math? HA! You can forget it. 
•  I hate math. I hate math. I hate math. 
• Did I mention I hate math? 
• One word: Homework. I never had homework last semester. 
• I'll probably need a back pack for the crap load of books I'll need to take home with me. 
• Stress. Need I say more? 

So there you have it, folks. I have mixed feelings about the upcoming semester.

Peace, love, and textbooks,
                                                Sara

Bittersweet

I've heard this song at least a hundred times. Why? Because I play it on loop. And I listen to it over, and over, and over. Mostly it makes me feel like I need to curl up in a ball and cry in the corner.
At first, it was just the feeling of the song that made me sad. Then I learned the words.
Good lord.
I almost cried like a baby.
This song is about so many things; a brother grieving over the loss of his dead sister, a father going through a divorce, a grandfather grieving for the wife he lost to cancer.
All of it just struck a chord with me. Not only the message that this song sends, but the bittersweet tune, and the sleepy sounding vocals.
The whole song sounds to me like a lullaby. A lullaby whispered to a child that is already asleep.
It's beautiful in it's entirety, and I know you want to know what song it is :)

The song is Blood by The Middle East. A fantastic group that is now one of my favorites.

Here's the song!
And here are the lyrics, because I know that most of you will have trouble understanding him just like I did.

Older brother, restless soul, lie down

Lie for a while with your ear against the earth

And you’ll hear your sister sleep talking

Say, “Your hair is long but not long enough to reach

Home to me

But your beard

Someday might be”

And she woke up in a cold sweat on the floor

Next to a family portrait drawn when you were four

And beside a jar of two cent coins that are no good no more

She’ll lay it aside

Older father, weary soul, you’ll drive

Back to the home you made on the mountainside

With that ugly, terrible thing

Those papers for divorce

And a lonely ring

A lonely ring

Sit on your porch

And pluck your strings

Oh, and you’ll find somebody you can blame

And you’ll follow the creek that runs out into the sea

And you’ll find the peace of the Lord.

Grandfather, weary soul, you’ll fly

Over your life once more before you die

Since our grandma passed away

You've waited for forever and a day

Just to die

And someday soon

You will die

It was the only woman you ever loved

That got burnt by the sun too often when she was young

And the cancer spread and it ran into her body and her blood

And there’s nothing you can do about it now

Maybe that song made someone else cry :) I really love it, the emotion that it conveys is just outstanding. 

Can't wait

Fellow readers and bloggers, I am excited about 2012.
There are several reasons to be excited, but I'll just tell you a few of them :)

1. In March, I'll get my drivers license. Know what that means? It means me and Paige can go on spontaneous trips to Gigi's cupcakes for no reason. (Other than eating their awesome cupcakes of course) :)
2.  I'm so far into this novel that I actually want to know how it turns out. Last night, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about the scenes I would get to write today. I hope that this year, I'll be able to finish my story, and start on another one :)
3. The Hunger Games movie. No further explanation needed. 
4. I'm running the half marathon again! And guess who might run it with me? Paige! I'm so excited about that!
5. I have an entirely new style for this year. To the crapper with generic Aeropostal t-shirts and boring blue jeans. I've decided to embrace a style that is uniquely Sara. It includes a whole lot of tights, combat boots, more converse shoes, blazers and bombers, etc. I can't wait to get back to school with my my new edginess :D haha
6. My 16th birthday is going to be awesome. I'm going to have a huge bonfire out in my field with a ton of my friends. After the party? Camp out. No boys allowed (because that's how I roll). 
7. Books by authors I love are coming out this summer!!!

8. I'm just excited to have a whole new beginning. I'm getting rid of all the things holding me back. It's time to not care what anyone else thinks, and be myself more than ever. I've decided to channel the honey badger, and just not care.

Peace, love, and combat boots,
                                                 Sara

Crazy

I have been bugging my dad all afternoon to go walk around outside with me while I take pictures. 

But, he's watching a ball game (something I completely despise) so I gave up. I went back to working on my novel, and then I played my ukulele for a while. I don't really care when I go outside, I just want to walk around and take pictures. The reason I want my dad to walk with me, is because sometimes I don't feel motivated to crawl through the mud to get that one picture of a butterfly without someone to talk to. 

Most of the time, I go out and roam around through the woods, field, and river bank, by myself. I like being quiet. With one person, it's a lot easier to take pictures of snapping turtles. 

With two people, you both have to be super quiet. But since it's my dad's last day off before school starts back, I figured why not. I don't need another picture of stupid turtles. Nothing is more important to me than spending time with my family and friends.

The following conversation is why I sometimes only make sense to myself. Sometimes, I don't even understand what I'm trying to say. :)

Dad: I'll pause the game, go grab your camera.

Me: No, that's okay. I'll wait and go later when it's darker outside. 

Dad: I don't want to go when it's too dark, why not go now?

Me: Because, I don't like the lighting right now. I want to wait for it to get darker, but like not too dark. Just a little darker darkness.

Dad: I have no idea what you just said.

Me: Yeah, I don't really know what I said either. 

And that, is why I know I'm crazy. 

I'll post the pictures later :) 

Oh! By the way, for any bloggers that didn't already know about this, it's NaBloPoMo.

It's kind of like NaNoWriMo, but easier to achieve. You're just suppose to make a goal to write a blog post every day. 

Happy New Year! (One of my resolutions is to finish my novel) 

Peace, love, and nonsensical statements,

                                                                 Sara