Thursday, January 26, 2012

Speed Pee

You all probably looked at the title and thought, wth? And for the majority of the're still going to think that :)

There are a total of five minutes in between classes at my school, which means that if you have to pee? Forget about it. It ain't happenin'. So when I come back from lunch and hurry to get to Hell (aka Geometry), I throw my stuff down and make a dash for the convenient closet type bathroom in the actual room. It's one of those bathrooms where you feel like you have to be about 30 pounds just to fit inside it.
Is anyone else always late for class thanks to their bladder? Fear not, slightly grossed out readers! I give you the secret to speed peeing. (Guys, you don't even have to read this. You have it easier than us.)

Step one: Never, ever, wait in line. Just push right on through all of those freshman clogging up the mirrors and find yourself a stall!

Step two: Don't let someone beat you to the said stall. If they do, kindly explain to them that your bladder is about to explode if you don't go pee right this moment. Or you can say that you're going to be sick. That usually makes people flee.

Step three: Once in the stall, waste no time on hanging your purse on the little hook that sometimes isn't on the back of the door. Throw your purse on the ground! But obviously not if the ground is nasty. No one wants a purse with chewed, slobbery gum all over the bottom.

Step four: Once on the toilet, play this song in your head. It makes sure you don't take your sweet time :)
Step four: Flush the toilet with the bottom of your shoe (like a ninja) and grab your purse. It's time for the mad dash back to class :)

Peace, love, and stalls that don't lock,


  1. Love. This.

    So much. The William Tell Overture was a seriously brilliant touch.


  2. Great post!
    We have no time between classes, you're meant to run there as quickly as possible, but at least I'll have this guide in future!

  3. Stephanie- Haha thanks! :)
    Ginger- Oh my gosh! That would be awful!