Ponder

Sunset

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how short life is.
My mother's friend's wife just found out that the cancer she'd had years ago has come back. This time the doctors gave her no hope.
You know, we see so much in the media about cancer. We hear about it everyday. But it doesn't really doesn't impact any of us until we have to watch it tear right through some one's life.
It's like the monster we all had hiding under our beds as children. It was so real to us until our parents said it wasn't real at all.
Cancer isn't real to us until it happens to someone we care about.
My great aunt, cousin, and my great grandfather and grandmother all died of different types of cancer. You know, I don't have any real memories of my aunt that I can remember. Just this one when we were on a pontoon boat in Destin. But even that small little fragment is fuzzy. But I remember her funeral.
I barely remember cousin Billy because he lived far away. But I remember his memorial.
I never met my great grandparents on my mother's side, but I've heard stories. Mom says I would have loved them both so much. If there really is something after this life, and I make it to it, I hope I get to meet them.

If I were to find out that I have cancer, and they gave me no hope like my mom's friend, I don't know what I would do. But in a way, I guess I have an idea.
I know that for whatever it was worth, I would never let myself be weak. I would fight ever minute of everyday just to see the next sunrise. The next full moon. My brother's next smile.
I would learn how to truly live.
I would say I'm sorry to everyone I'd ever been angry at. Even if they were the ones at fault.
You know how people always say it's best to live like you're dying? Well, I've decided that anyone who actually achieved that, was really dying.
There must just be something about it; knowing that your days are numbered.
I'd say I'd want to experience that feeling, just to appreciate how truly precious life is, but I don't want to die anytime soon. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, right?
How could you even tell your best friend that you might not live too much longer?
I can't even imagine walking with Paige, and just saying, "I'm dying.". That would break my heart.
Seeing the looks on people's faces. That would be what hit me the hardest. Even if I had come to terms with it, knowing that they wouldn't be okay for a long time, that would get to me.
Just thinking about this sort of thing gets me so depressed. But hey, trying on someone else's shoes is a good thing.
Somewhere, I'm sure there's a girl my age that just found out she has no chance of seeing Christmas. And here I am, warm in my bed, blogging about being in a situation like that when I can't even imagine.
But we've all thought about what it would be like to know that without a doubt, we were going to die. Haven't we?
I think, that if I were dying, I would start giving out a whole lot of advice.
And I would have a few dying wishes too.
I'd tell my mother to finish the latest novel I started.
I'd tell my brother to always have the same laugh.
I'd tell my father where to scatter my ashes.
Aw man, this is making me cry. But what am I saying, I cry over everything. Guess I'm just empathetic like that.
I'd tell Paige to never stop being so kind and loyal.
I'd tell Elizabeth to never lose her goofy personality.
I'd tell Kimberlee go out and see the world for me.
I'd tell Dylan to never let the way people don't see things too clearly hurt him.
I guess I could keep going with this and make it really sappy, but since I'm not dying, I don't see the point.
I feel so sorry for anyone going through something so awful. I feel so sorry for the families affected.
This blog really just came out of nowhere. I Just started thinking about my mom's friend and how much he loves his wife. It really breaks my heart.

Peace, Love, and Deep Thoughts,
                                                     Sara

I've got lot's of friends. Yes, but then again, Nobody knows me at all. ~The Weepies

Block

I've never lacked inspiration. Whether in writing, photography, or music. I just never have. There's always been one more idea waiting at the back of my mind to be written down. Sometimes I feel like I'm sick of ideas.
Too many characters to keep up with at any one time.
But these days, I've just had one idea stuck in my head. The idea for the novel I'm currently fighting to finish.
I didn't reach the NaNoWriMo word count goal, but I figured I wouldn't be able to anyways. And I'm not the slightest bit disappointed. Because I have an idea that I really want to see through to the end.
I looked back over a few of the stories that I had started but never finished earlier, and it made me angry with myself. Some of those stories had the potential to be good books. But because I will never think that what I'm writing is good enough, they all got tossed in the trash.
And this time is no different. It isn't really a wall that I've hit in writing this story, but more of a big canyon that I have to figure out how to cross.
I know what's going to happen in this story, I have since the very start of writing it.
But sometimes, when I sit down to write a few scenes, I realize that there are holes in the plot.
Somehow, I just have to figure out how to fill them up.
And I don't want some stupid mediocre story that anyone could have thought up. I don't want a story that has been told a million times over. I especially don't want a cheesy love story with a bunch of useless drama.
Which is why I take so much time in everything that I write. I want my characters to have substance. I want them to be both easy to understand, and difficult to side with at the same time. I hope that made sense to someone.
I really just want to write a story that sticks with people. I don't want to be the next J.K. Rowling, I just want to write something that touches someone.
And going from the advice of my favorite author, Maggie Stiefvater, when you come to a place when your story isn't making much sense anymore, you should backtrack. Go back to the place in the story where you still had the right idea, and fix it. Even if it means going back to the very begging.
But don't give up.
And so that's what I'll do with this story. I'll keep the parts that make perfect sense, and I'll take out all of the useless information. All of the scenes that really had no impact on the plot as a whole.
That woman is an amazing role model, I swear. If it wasn't for her, I would have given up on this story a long time ago.

Peace, love, and canyons,
                                          Sara

Roads

My brother is my favorite victim when it comes to taking pictures 

The other night, I wrote a song for my brother. It was nothing special, it probably took me about five minutes to write the whole thing. After I had finished playing it for him, he started bawling crying. "Why are you crying?" I'd said. He looked up at me with tears running off his cheeks and said, "Because you only have four years left."
It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about, but then I figured it out. He was talking about college.
I didn't want to tell him that I really only have two and a half years left. "Don't be sad. Sure, we'll get older, but we'll still be the same people." The song had been about growing up and still staying close to your families, even if you do live miles apart.
"But I don't want to ever get older." He said. And so I stuck out my pinky finger.
"Okay then. Pinky promise me that you'll never get old, and I'll pinky promise you that I'll never get old either."

We pinky swore, and then he said, "But we will get old. Everyone gets old."
And I said back to him, "Not everyone gets old. Being old is just a part of the way you think. If you still think like a kid, you still act like one. But you just have to be a more mature kid."
He said, "You really think so?"
and I said, "I really think so. When we're 80 years old, we'll be watching Phineas and Ferb in our wheel chairs."

That whole moment really struck a chord with me.
I've never been scared of dying, I've always been scared of getting old.
And aren't we all?
Aren't we all scared of waking up one day years from now and realizing that we've already lived the better half of our life?
I know I am.

Which is why I think it's important to have so many goals so that you'll always have something to strive for.
I want to see the world. I want to meet amazing people like Olle and Koas! Not saying that you guys aren't unique, (Du är fortfarande inbjuden till kvällsmat när som helst, Olle! Ochjag är fortfarande försöker att inte låta så dum när jag försökerprata på svenska) because you both are :) And you both also have really good taste in music!
Anyways, I want to meet so many new people from all walks of life. From different cultures, religions, etc. 
I really don't care who you are, as long as you have an interesting story to tell. If you've just recently started reading my blog, feel free to comment! I'd love to actually talk to the people that suffer through this. 
You can always contact me at knockedaskew@gmail.com


I have way more topics to cover, but I'll go ahead and post this one :) 

Peace, love, and cool accents, 
                                               Sara 

Near Death Experience

Today was the guitar class concert, but before I get into all of that, I'll tell you about the class.
It's by far the most fun class I've ever been in.
Mostly, everyone in that class is so nice. Everyone has a unique personality, and for the most part, they never get on my nerves.
There's nothing like having a crappy morning, and then going into guitar class to have your ears start bleeding from how loud the amps are. I'm seriously going to be so depressed when I don't have that anymore.
Because, it isn't just a class to me. It's a group of entirely different people getting along thanks to music.
That class gives me a chance to express myself. By taking that class and having such an amazing teacher, I've grown up more I think. It's not that this class is teaching kids to grow up, it's teaching them to grow into your own skin.
Words of Advice Break:
When it comes right down to it, all of us have to just learn to be who we are. During all of that learning and growing, we have to accept that it's really okay to grow apart from the people that are holding you back.
It's not that these people are bad people, it's just that, when you first met them you were the same. Somewhere along the way, you just realized that you want different things.

Back to the main story: I've always loved to sing, but this class gave me the confidence that I needed so badly. Sure, I'm still shy and I don't think I'm that great, but Mr. Bateman told me I could sing. He's one of my most favorite people in this whole world I think :) Aw man... I'm getting all teared up.
Because sometimes, you just have to be made to step outside your little bubble, and go on an adventure.
I never knew I loved to write songs. I never knew I had a knack for just making up lyrics on the spot.
But now I do know. And who knows, I might want to pursue some sort of career in music. The friends I've made in that class are just wonderful. I'm suppose to be writing songs with two of them soon :)
Anyways, I'll tell you a little bit about the concert now.

Right before I got up to sing, I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack. My heart was beating so fast that my chest got hot. When Micah was done singing his song, I got up and walked to the mic. I couldn't hardly see the crowd because of how bright the lights were, but it was like Paranormal Activity. You couldn't see the demon, but you still knew it was there.
So I'm standing there, waiting on the music to get to the first verse, and my left arm starts shaking.
I don't draw attention to it, I just hold it still with my other arm.
Then my legs start trembling.
I've never been up in front of that big of a crowd in my whole life.
Calm down, that's not your legs shaking, that's just the bass and Alec's amps.
I knew I was just trying to convince myself.
All in all, I think I did alright.
What really surprised me was Alec telling me "You did a really good job", after it was over.
That's the first time he's ever said that. It made me feel better :)

Peace, love, and cardiac arrest,
                                                  Sara

A Few Random Thoughts

•  Foreign friends are really cool, and fun to talk to :)
• I love how a lot of gas stations in America find it appropriate to display condoms over the sinks in Women's bathrooms. (Sarcasm)
• It's not comfortable to sleep between bleachers at school. 
• Our lunch food has absolutely no salt content and is terrible.
• I really love the idea for my current novel :)
• I feel like I should just sleep for a couple of years, then wake up and restart my life. 
• No one should ever feel like anyone is better than them. 
• Seriously, you aren't hot. 
• I have a notebook full of letters that I've written to a few select people, that I never plan on showing them.
• Why is it that some people are so hypocritical and don't even realize it?
• I should take up meditation. 
• It's not that I want people to like me, I just want people to accept me exactly the way I am. 
• I will never marry a republican. 
• I don't see myself having a boyfriend until college. 
• ^ Because, I want something a little more substantial that some stupid fling with a guy that doesn't really care. 
• I don't understand how people that talk so much about peace, can be so obsessed with hate.
• I get tired of the way people act in this town

Peace, love, and gas station condoms,

                                                              ~Sara 

Cool :)

Cool :) by fallingstars32 featuring post earrings

Old Navy ruffle top
$6.99 - oldnavy.gap.com

Current/Elliott distressed skinny jeans
£75 - theoutnet.com

Distressed black boots
amazon.com

Woolrich John Rich Bros canvas bag
$195 - parkandbond.com

Betsey Johnson post earrings
$30 - zappos.com

Heart jewelry
ghostlove.com

Ray-Ban tortoise sunglasses
$135 - saksfifthavenue.com

Serge Lutens Lipstick Refill -7: Votre Sienne
$55 - barneys.com

Gettin Miss Piggy With It - OPI - Red - Nail Care - Beauty - Fashion...
£135 - nelly.com

Stories from Walmart: One

Once upon a time, there was a girl name Sara.
She really loved music and on her trip to the village market, she often liked to browse the racks of CD's.
She'd long since given up hope on ever finding any good music at her local market. On this day, she decided to give it one last try.
She hurried off to the music department, and scanned each rack. Country, country, country, etc. She was close to giving up. Why couldn't there be any quality music at Wally World? She searched the lower racks. Gospel, gospel, gospel. Nothing fun.
Where was all of the Mumford and Sons? Where were the Killers? And then, in the very moment that she was on the verge of giving up, she spotted it. A little tab marked "The Killers".
Was this her lucky day? Had Wally World finally come to their senses and ordered good music?
She reached for the tab. She pushed it aside, eager to grab a Killers album and listen to it on the way home.
And there, on the other side of that mostly blank divider, was the King's of Leon.
She felt her heart break in her chest.
Never again, she vowed, would she return to the music department of Walmart.

The end.

Busy Weekend and cool foreign friends :)

All weekend, I've been busy. Except for today. Today, I stayed in my pajamas until four o'clock. It was a pretty great day! :) Yesterday, I recorded a little mini CD in a guy's home studio, and I think it turned out alright for a first attempt :)
I'll eventually upload them to my computer and put them on here for you guys :)

I decided that I really love xbox live today, even though I don't currently have live at the moment. You can meet so many cool people from all over the place on there :) Sure, some of them are actually fifty year old creepers, but the majority are just nerds like me and I love it :)
Paige met these guys on there like a week ago named Koas (it's like "coaster") and Olle. Koas is from England and Olle is from Sweden :) They're really nice and I'm fairly certain that neither of them are fifty year old creepers :)
The coolest part? They both love alternative rock!
The funny thing to me is the different slang. Half the time I don't have a clue what they're saying, so I just laugh. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave. :) Koas and Olle, if you're reading this (and you better be Koas, because you said you'd be my blog buddy) I usually get the gist of whatever it is that you're saying haha
Anyways, I'll post later maybe...I have a story for all of you :)

Peace, love, and funny foreign people (not as an insult haha),
                                                                                              ~Sara

A quote that never fails to inspire me.

 I found a quote the other day that really made me happy.
I love writing stories, writing songs, pretty much writing anything. I have ever since I learned to write. Because that's part of me. All of the characters that live inside my brain all day, all of the lyrics that buzz around until I give in and write them down, they're part of what makes me who I am. Could it be part insanity? Of course it can. But then, most great authors, poet, and musicians have been mad. That didn't stop them from doing what they loved.
What scares me most about loving to write, loving to just create, is not living up to my own expectations. Not creating the ideal story that gets across every theme that I intended. When people read or hear what I write, I hope they feel what I feel when I write it. I hope they see all of the same things as I did when I wrote it. Which is why I was really inspired by this quote.

"If you find yourself asking yourself, 'Am I really a writer?
Am I really an artist?' Chances are, you are.
The counterfeit innovator is wildly self confident.
The real one is scared to death." Steven Pressfield- The War of Art 

And that is why it really inspired me. Because it's the truth. All this time I've been thinking to myself, If I can't finish a novel because I'm too scared of messing up, why do I keep trying? Why do I love something so much if I can never accomplish it? But when I read that quote, I felt good about myself. I had confidence in myself for once. I am a writer. I will write something that moves people. Those words are my new mantra.

~Sara

Good to see you again!

I haven't blogged in over a week thanks to NaNoWriMo. I've been so busy writing that I haven't paid any attention to my blog. But today I've come home sick from school (it's just cramps, nothing major) so I get to write to all of you again :)
As I was leaving school today, I totally blanked out and grabbed Alec's jacket and just took off with it to the nurse's office. I only realized I had his jacket when I took my own jacket off and saw that I had his jacket sitting in my lap the whole time. I told the nurse what I did and I ran off to find Alec, but instead I ran into Micah who told me that Alec had been looking for it and just gave up. I felt slightly bad, but mainly I just thought it was hilarious. One more thing to add to the list of Sara Screw-ups.
In the little over a half hour that I was in the nurse's office, three more people came in needing various things, mainly pads or tampons. I think women have some code of sympathy. When one girl has bad cramps, a few others are out of tampons, and one is hormonal, you kind of just want to band together with them and start a war. A war against all men for ever saying we aren't tough. More power to the period people! Haha, yeah well, since I'm not making any since, I'll get off. I'll blog again soon :)