The Twenty Things I'd Like To Say

As I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Pandora, I saw an awesome post idea. And, for the record, she said she didn't mind if her readers borrowed the idea. You all know how I feel about stealing other blogger's ideas and things :)

So, the concept of the post was this: Write twenty things to twenty people that you know you'll never tell them to their face. The only kicker is that you can't say who you're writing about. Although, with the things that I'm going to say, I wouldn't want to release names period.
I also guarantee that those of you who know me personally might think you know who I'm talking about, but will totally be wrong.
Let's do this thing :)

1. You're a narcissist. I don't think you can even see past how "hot" you are (By the way, you really aren't that attractive) to understand how awful your personality is. I honestly think you're the most fake individual that has ever come into my life and I genuinely feel bad for you. But I know that you think I'm the bad guy. Because that's just the way it is right? But I'm not. I've only ever been  real with you, and that's about 50% more than you've ever done for me. I regret every secret I've ever told you. 
2. You have no idea how much you affect me. I know it shouldn't be that way to begin with, but for God's sake, would it kill you to be kind? 
3. I really wish you would open up more and let the rest of the world see that you're actually a good person. Sometimes it's okay to let the walls collapse that you've built around yourself. I can see that they're made of glass as it is. 
4. You're a wanna-be man whore and I dislike you for that. Thank goodness you didn't like me like I liked you (or thought I liked you) because I saw how easily you looked past me to her. 
5. Your ego is ridiculously large and doesn't quite mix well with reality. If you were more laid back, I might like you more. But you aren't. Do you realize how hard it is to make a career from that? 
6. No one wants to hear you sing 24/7, in fact, no one wants to hear anyone sing all day every day. Your voice is nasally, my dear. Very nasally indeed. 
7. You shouldn't wear your heart on your sleeve like you do. I know it'll come back to bite you in a matter of time. But I promise that I won't say I told you so. 
8. I wish you would loosen up more sometimes. It's perfectly normal to be crazy :) 
9. You always go for the wrong guys. I wish you would see that it's worth waiting on someone that deserves you, rather than settling for guys that aren't worth a rat's ass. 
10. I would trust you more if you weren't a homophobe. I tend to not trust idiots. 
11. If you weren't so infatuated with her, you might see how fake she is. Trust me, I fell for that once. 
12. You aren't in love. You've caught a disease I like to call Incredibly Stupid. 
13. He's a pedophile. Seriously. If you were smart, you would have heeded my warning. 
14. The people I surround myself with tend to inspire me. You aren't one of them.
15. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for so many things. For the way they treat you. For they way you live. For the things you've been through. I'm sorry for being blind and forgetful. 
16. I can't wait until our ten year high school reunion. I'm going to laugh so hard at you. Mentally of course, I'm not cruel.  :)
17. I admire you for your heart. But lately, you've been less of the person that I loved and more of a stranger to me. 
18. One day, after college, I might come out and say everything I wanted to say to you, but no sooner. 
19. We all have problems, you're no better than the rest of us. 
20. What you lack is compassion, empathy, and understanding. Three assets that are very important. 

So, there you have it. I've done things like this before, but I love it :) There's something awesome about getting rid of all the things that you carry with you. I encourage all of you to do the twenty things list as well, just drop a comment telling me that you did so I can read it :)

Peace, love, and Cheetos stained fingers, 

 Sara 

My Jam

The school year will officially be over for me in less than 24 hours. It couldn't possibly be over soon enough. 

I have a math exam tomorrow (that I'm scared to death over) and then it's done. Here I come Junior year :) 

I'll be so happy when high school is finally over. I'm ready to be in college and I'm ready to get out into the world. And by that, I mean traveling. I can't wait to be able to travel all over the world and do crazy things. I love experiencing new cultures and finding new favorite foods :) 

But this post, is about a few songs on my Spotify playlist and on my Ipod that helped me get through this school year. Let's get started :) 

For the first half of the year on long and smelly bus rides (A brief collection):

• Let Me Go- CAKE
• Colours- Grouplove
• Blood- Middle East
• Kiss with a Fist- Florence and the Machine
• Song for the Rich- Tristan Prettyman (A particularly great song for rainy days)
• Six Weeks- Of Monsters and Men
• Christmas Lights- Coldplay
• Helena Beat- Foster the People

 For singing at the top of my lungs when I'm by myself in my car: 

• Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll- The Killers <3 
• Superstition- Stevie Wonder (I love a lot of old stuff)
• Spaceman- The Killers
• Romeo and Juliet- The Killers version
• Nobody Knows Me At All- The Weepies
• When You Were Young- The Killers (My all time favorite song...for now)

For dancing around in my pj's/sweatpants when I'm too lazy for real clothes:

• Just One Look- Doris Troy
• 2 Atoms In a Molecule- Noah and the Whale <3
• Pumpkin Soup- Kate Nash
• Young Blood- The Naked and Famous
• Little Talks- Of Monsters and Men
• My Best Friend- Hello Saferide (For Paige) :)
• Sara Smiles- Panic! at the Disco
• Young Folks- Peter Bjorn and John
• Love Blood- Sleeper Agent
• Chelsea Dagger- The Fratellis 
• Fluorescent Adolescence- Arctic Monkeys
• Henrietta- The Fratellis    

Songs that inspire me when I write:

• New Ceremony- Dry the River
• I Will Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab for Cutie
• O Children- Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
• That's Some Dream- Good Old War

Peace, love, and a sticking C key, 

 Sara

That One Chick That Lives With Me

My mom is without a doubt, one of my biggest role models. She inspires me to stand up for what I believe in every single day. I know that she sometimes doesn't understand me and the things I do, but here's to you Mom. For always helping me get back on my feet after I've had a hard time.

I don't know what she ever did to deserve such strange kids, but she got landed with two of them. The great part about it is; I know she wouldn't trade me or my brother for the world.

This is the woman who taught me how to read, I think that in itself is enough to make a kid love you forever. When you open the door to the world of books for a child, you show them that anything truly is possible. And I know that sounds ridiculously cheesy. And I'm sure you've all heard the "Anything is possible" spiel before. And I'm also sure that some kid who heard it along with you said, "But you still can't fly!" And to that I say, Bull Honkery. When you read a book, you can do anything. You live through the eyes of that character. If they can fly, then so can you. (In your mind's eye of course). My mother taught me that as much as my father taught me that no matter what I put my mind to in life, giving up is not an option. But I'll save that one for father's day.

This is also the very same lady who raised me on R.E.M., The Beatles, Elton John, Green-Day, and Dave Matthews. Thanks for that as well, Mom. Sometimes if I mention an R.E.M. song in class, I get weird looks.
I guess My mother is also to blame for my love of music and instruments. A love that causes me both to be very happy and very angry with myself at times. I vow right here and now to my mom, that if I ever get a bag-pipe, I'll only play it outside. :)

Along with books and music, I think I got the creative gene from her as well. Provided that creativity is in fact something you can inherit. I know I have her stubbornness. Neither one of us are likely to back down from a fight when the other person or group of people are clearly in the wrong. We could be a great lawyer team, my mom and I. Honestly though, I'm still banking on hitting it big as a bounty hunting duo.

Sure, me and my mom fight sometimes, but we never stay mad at each other for very long. Even though she wouldn't want to admit it, I know that we're friends. But not in the way that you see some trashy parent and her 14 year old going to get matching tramp stamps. Nah, we're the English nerd friends who try to see who can stump the other with a big word's definition.

So thank you again, Mom. For being there for me through my various break downs. For holding my hand when I cry. For being a positive role model, and for loving me even through my bad days.
I think that Thor Zunior and Tonalucc would be quite proud of you. :)

Peace, Love, and Chopsticks,
                    Sara

This Kind of Day

There are good days, and there are bad days, and there are I-Don't-Even-Know-Why-I'm-Sad days.
For me, today has been an IDEKWIS day.

And I hate it.

Sure, I could blame it on hormones, my lacking in optimism, or my recently terrible anxiety, but I choose to blame it on all three.
Which is why, I happen to be holed up in my room eating a Kashi granola bar and a Popsicle, being sad for a lot of different reasons. And most of them are very stupid reasons to be sad.
And so, to express my stupid emotions, I'll write a stupid poem.

Today I'm the broken package, 

That gets stuck at the back of the shelf, 

And no one wants to take it home, 

So I mostly blame myself.

Today a lot of people annoyed me,

To a very great extent, 

To the point where I wanted to run away, 

And live all alone in a tent. 

In this tent I'd have an Xbox,

So whenever I got bored I could play, 

And if that doesn't work, why I'll play in the dirt! 

Like a little kindergartner might say. 

I'd also have some pets, 

To make my hobo career more legit, 

And when it gets cold, and I start to get old, 

Many warm sweaters I'll knit. 

So you see, I might be broken in some places, 

Like an old music box, 

I falter and miss notes here and there, 

But never have I lost the keys to the locks. 

I'm tired now, and have tent pitching to do, 

And so with these few words I'll leave you, 

Never, never, let them push you down, 

In this way they'll deceive you. 

Peace, love, and Talking to British Buddy, 

Sara 

Noise

I took this picture at the Bay House :) I love it there! 

In the morning, I play loud music to wake me up.
In the car on the way to school, I play loud music to get me ready to face all of the idiots.
In the halls, all I hear is the chattering of nonsense and pointless discussions.
In the car on the way home, I play loud music to celebrate living through another day filled with crazy people.
At night when I go to sleep, I turn on my fan so that it's droning sound sings me to sleep.

Our lives are filled with noise. Every waking hour seems to be purposefully interrupted by a cacophony of familiar rackets.
And I don't understand why.

Why do we, as humans, feel the need to bridge the gaps of silence with words or other sounds? Are we too scared to listen to only silence?
Maybe the reason we do this, or the reason some of us do this, is to keep our ears busy. Maybe we just don't want to think.

What if once, every single day, we gave up on noise and sat only in silence. Just to think. Just to process everything that happened in that day. I think our world would be much more peaceful. It would probably also be much more intelligent. I probably wouldn't have to sit in honors English and wonder why over half the class was too stupid to read the novel that was due that morning.

Our societies great downfall, in my opinion, will be the lack of in depth appreciation for the arts.
Throughout history, there have been great thinkers. People who had an idea, and ran with it for as long and far as they possibly could. There were people who stood for things they believed in. People who asked things like, "why not?". And now, those types of people seem to be an endangered species.

Our lives are so centered around noise and meaningless tasks such as playing on our IPhones, or Xbox's, that we've forgotten how to live.
Life isn't meant to be spent staring at bright screens, it's meant to be spent living.

So, I encourage all of you to take an hour out of your week, and sit in silence. I don't mean silence as in no sound period, I mean silence as in minimum human interaction. Just be still and only listen to your thoughts.
Be a thinker and a dreamer. By all means, don't be like half the kids in my honors class that don't understand anything remotely intelligent.

Peace, love, and Nerdisms,

                                Sara

Evolution

Lately my Biology 1 class has been learning about the theory of evolution. I've learned even more about the ignorance around here.
You know, I don't claim to be a scientist, but I am a Christian (even if my beliefs are somewhat different), and you know what? I believe in evolution. And let's get really crazy and go out on a limb here....I also don't think the big bang theory is too insane to fathom.
As I watched the documentary on Charles Darwin with the rest of my class, and watched the faces of my classmates who weren't even trying to learn anything from the movie, I realized that the thirst for knowledge and the lack of open-mindedness in our generation is astounding.
But then again, it's always been like this.
People are so quick to say things are wrong, to say things are the way they are with no exceptions, that they never stop to actually learn.
If you're a Christian, why is it so hard to believe that God put species on the Earth with the ability to evolve? Or that God caused the big bang?
I'm not saying that the big bang is what caused everything to burst into existence, but I'm saying that it isn't a ridiculous possibility.
I mean, even humans are still evolving! We have to change and adapt to live in different places and cope with different environments and climate changes. 
We still aren't even using our brains to the fullest potential, as evidenced by the lack of intelligence in my school. I'm not saying that it's wrong to NOT believe in evolution, we can all have our own ideas on things, but why not want to wonder? Why not stop and think about whatever it is that you're so quickly writing off?
Last night, my brother told me he didn't want to grow up. Do you know what I told him? And I know this is cheesy. You were warned.
As long as you are always able to question things, imagine, and create, you haven't grown up. As long as you can still find the good in the world.
And he said, "What good?"
That really touched my heart. Sometimes my brother reminds me of myself at that age. It scares the crap out of me.
So I climbed back down from his bunk-bed, flipped off his light and said, "There's always good in the world, Nate. You just have to look hard enough."
Anyway, that small conversation with my brother made me wonder why so many people have lost that ability to question things. My whole life, my parents have taught me to figure things out for myself. Whether that thing be how to put together a model, or what my views on politics are.

Peace, love, and thinking before speaking,
                                                                Sara

Arguments of the Fun Variety

My best friend Paige and I have the most ridiculous arguments, but they always make me laugh :)
More recently, we argued over the show Vampire Diaries. If you aren't familiar with the show, I'll break it down for you.
Basically, it's extremely loosely based on a series of books that weren't the best in the first place.
I should also go ahead and admit that I loyally watched this show for two and a half seasons before I finally got tired of watching the writers run out of ideas. Pretty much, the show is a supernatural soap opera, complete with people (and vampires) that just can't stay dead.
Also I should mention that from the very beginning of the show, I was rooting for Damon to end up with Elena.
On to the argument :)
In the latest episode (which Paige wanted me to watch since I stopped watching the show 5 episodes ago) Damon and Elena kissed for like the third time in three seasons. Because Elena is a total idiot and still has feelings for Stefan, she messed everything up. Like usual.
Anyway, Paige is on Stefan's side of everything because of some reason I've never quite understood.
Her argument is, if you knew that someone loved you and was always going to be good for you (Stefan) why would you choose someone who loves you, but is sometimes a tad bit insane (Damon)?
Obviously, I've always been for Damon because he's a tortured hero. Stefan is a whiny little baby who gets on my last nerve! So, my answer to Paige's question is: I would pick Damon because even though he has break downs sometimes, he needs Elena to help him keep everything together.
If there were a guarantee that someone would always be there for you and never screw up, you wouldn't have to try would you? It would be too easy. What's love without a challenge at some point? :)
So there you have it Paige, I've given you an answer :)
Even though this chick disagrees with me over Vampire Diaries, she was cool enough to take my glasses off my face last night before I crushed them in my sleep. For that, I thank you. :)

Peace, love, and crappy acting,
                                       Sara

Random Scribbling #1

I am looking 

But not seeing 

Inside my head is reeling 

From every battle of the day 

My mouth is moving 

But not speaking 

Underneath feet are floorboards creaking 

From the weight of words to say

You are looking 

But not seeing 

The person that I have become 

Peace, love, and pathetically crappy poetry, 

                                                                Sara

The Bay House

Ever since I was little, my family has gone on trips to the "Bay House".
Even now, I'm not exactly sure how to describe why it's so special to me. I mean, it's a building made mostly of concrete. Concrete block walls, concrete floors, otherwise impervious to dirty kid feet that are covered with a mixture of mud, sand, and bay water. In other words, it's a prefect place for children. No matter their age :)
My grandfather's parents built the house years and years ago and since then, it's been through several hurricanes.
There are three bedrooms with beds about as comfortable as sleeping on a piece of plywood, and a single bathroom that is often shared between more than a few too many people. I couldn't love it more.

All my life, I've found magic in different places. The bay house, the river bank behind my house, a clearing in the woods, an empty field. All of these places are special to me, and always have been.

In the summer of seventh grade, as I was finally breaking out of the lowest point in my life, I burned the pages from the diary that I had written so many ridiculous fears in. So many pointless, meaningless thoughts that had once had a hold on my life. I burned them in the fire pit at the bay house, gathered the ashes, and tossed them into the ocean at the end of the dock. I know that might sound stupid, but it was my way of letting go of everything that had prevented me from living a happy and healthy life for those past two years.

               The picture above was taken in 2007, it's my father and I standing by the sea wall.

Sometimes, at night, I like to go and sit on that sea wall and just listen to the waves slapping at the shore. One day, I hope to bring my kids to this place. I hope they love it as much as I always have.
When my brother and I were a lot younger, we used to pretend that we were Hansel and Gretel as we walked along the sandy road outside the house. Not sure why we picked those characters. They have got to be my least favorite fairy tale ever.
Here are some pictures from last summer :)

This is my personal favorite. The crab was pinching me. Raw emotion was captured in this picture folks. Raw emotion.

So what about all of you? Do you have a special place that you've always loved?

Peace, love, and catching crabs (ha),
       Sara

Another Post of Pictures

First of all, I want to apologize for my ridiculously long absence as far as blogging goes. I was about to write a really lengthy post instead of posting some new pictures, but then I realized that I was just too lazy. So here, ladies and gentlemen, are a few pictures that I've taken with my new camera :)

 The plant above is the exact color of Paige's hair, but of course she never looks at the camera :)

 Like I said, she hates pictures :)

 This picture is in full color, it was a bad storm rolling in.

 I really love this picture :)